Jan3

*on the other hand.

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(not me, just a low-budget re-enactor)

when my garage door opener stopped opening

the garage door opener guy came over to check it out

his prognosis:

  it was going to need to be replaced

 it was quickly wearing out and about done.

when i asked if it was like when your grandma is slowing fading away

he said:

“grandma is dead.”

with that, he disconnected it

told me that i would acquire new muscles

opening and closing it by hand each day

until i got a new opener system.

i figured i could put it off for a few days and then deal with it

but life interfered 

as it so often does. 

this morning

as  i was headed out for the day

 i grabbed the door to close it

 but

four fingers of my hand

somehow got stuck in the folding panels of the door as i rolled it down 

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 i yelled out and quickly sprung into action

  used my other hand to open it back up 

fueled by superhuman (sort of) strength and adrenaline

to save the hand that felt like

it was being painfully crushed by an angry gorilla.

with teeth.

 on caffeine.

i saw myself in a precarious position

with no time to waste

like

james franco

in “127 hours” 

where he had to use his dull pocket knife to saw off his arm

that was wedged between boulders in order to save his own life.

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(james, before he sprung into action)

once i freed my hand

i surveyed the damage

four squeezed fingers

with deep scarlet creases

swollen and throbbing

but all parts still there

good news. 

i drove with one hand to the home improvement store

unknown

walked to the back

found a wonderfully friendly worker who turned and said

“follow me to the wall and i hope i won’t be moving too fast.”

to which i replied:

“well, you do have an advantage.”

his response –

“really? i am in a wheelchair and you are walking on two legs.”

okay, so yes. 

didn’t think of that.

put my little mishap into perspective.

he turned and smiled and said:

“i’m  just kidding, but i am in a wheelchair.”

yes.

and that was it

he was great

we talked about his kids and school and teaching and accidents

the new stuff is ordered and the guys will be here this week to put it all in.

in the scheme of things

not too bad

not like the time i broke my toe dancing in the house and kicked the bathroom door when leaping.

or the time i sprained my foot playing family extreme badminton barefoot.

or the time i got my fingers caught in the hand mixer

when i was trying to pull out the beaters and it was still plugged in. 

or the time i_______ (fill in the blank here numerous times)

no, not like those times. 

but i’m thinking i should maybe ask for a pocket knife for mother’s day.

–

*disclaimer: this blog post was written with my ‘other hand’ and i am not responsible for errors.

—

“they’re funny things, accidents. you never have them till you’re having them.”
― a.a. milne

—

credits: fox searchlight films/127 hours, lowes, google images

96 responses »

  10. Yikes! Like the day I shut the car door too fast and split a fingernail at the nailbed…truly painful and I drove 140 miles after I taped it up. Took many months to grow back, but it did

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  11. I can picture this all, every darn scene, Beth, down ring-out at the register at Lowe’s.

    Ouch.

    Life does happen when you’re living it, my friend. And you do live it. ❤ This is the best told one-handed story ever.

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  12. Ouch! I have a double garage door and the cord broke on one of them. Of course, the side the cord broke on was the side where my wife parks her car. Needless to say, lifting that monster this morning in order for her to get to work was a bear. On a positive note, I didn’t get my fingers pinched.

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  18. Hate to hit “like” when this is such a tale that hurts and could have gone much, much worse.
    I just had a similar garage door incident. Fortunately, I exited the garage and closed the door remotely. The door slammed down so hard that my husband came tearing down from his office above, making sure I wasn’t under it. Heal fast and glad you got that new door.

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  19. Ick! That HAD to hurt! Loved hearing about all of your life accidents, because I don’t seem to be very graceful and have my share:) Glad it’s not just me. But hope you stay in one piece and healthy for 2017!

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  20. aww Beth! I felt the ghost pain on my hand from reading this. I am so sorry to hear this. BUT, I adore your positive and humorous way you see life and that is what will get you through this (or have already). When these things happen, it always makes me grateful for the simple things in life! (like typing with two hands and whatnot). I wish you a fast recovery!

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  22. Yikes! I’m so glad your reflexes (and super-human strength) kicked in to help you escape serious injury. And I hope the rest of the year will be just a little bit less exciting — at least where large doors are concerned. 🙂

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  25. all that and no cursing!

    My garage door opener is long broken,

    I’m also opening it by hand, I have to remember your story,

    I don’t feel like cursing and I want to keep my fingers safe!

    (Hope all your fingers are intact!)

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  26. Hahaha. You see now I know you have Irish in you. Only us Irish can equate a few crushed fingers with cutting your arm off using a knife and no anesthetic!
    Glad you didn’t lose a finger or two. Hope you manage to get access tomorrow without losing the other hand!

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  27. Thanks for the laugh! I am often a danger to myself, especially because I cook, so I’m always using knives or things with sharp blades. I also have an uncanny ability to walk into door frames, trip over nothing and…well, you get the idea. I literally felt your pain…damn garage door.

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  33. This was a serious post and hard to like. Thank goodness, nothing serious since not at hospital!! Cell phones work though in a crisis. . . . Great perspective of worker in wheelchair too. Be safe, be careful!! Yikes!

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  35. OMG! You are so funny and I know you weren’t laughing when it happened. I watched as a friend did that to herself but only one finger got smashed. I hope you are okay and that your fingers have plumped up and are back to normal. I mean you did make a Fairy House and all, so I’m assuming that everything is working properly. Seriously…ow! ❤

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