on a tired evening after a long day at school
i arrived for my hair appointment
already ready to be home
a stylist new to me
was running late
quite a patient person by nature
i felt myself becoming impatient
really wanting to be done and home
and on and on about me
finally she was ready
we took the elevator and headed upstairs
thinking about waking up at 4:30 the next am.
i sat down in her chair
sensing she had been through something
while she worked we began to talk about our lives
she shared things with me:
she can only work 3 days at a time and then needs 2 days off
due to a chronic illness that has affected her leg
(ah, the elevator)
she is one of eight children raised by a single mother
she was a very young mother years ago
she loves her daughter, granddaughter, and mother dearly
she is sharing rides with a co-worker as her car is not working
she doesn’t always have dinner or time for it
this was her last week at the salon
she needed some down time to recover
she would love to have her own little salon one day
she spoke of other joys and challenges in her life
determined not to give up and make the best of things
such a strong soul
i felt ashamed for my impatience
happy i had waited and not expressed it
i had nothing to complain about
she was an incredible person
still kind and happy
still in the midst of overcoming hard things
i tried to offer encouraging words
wished her well
gave her a restaurant card i had in my wallet
as we parted ways
i was reminded to always consider the other person
wait before reacting or rushing to judgement
we really have no idea what someone’s life is like
i thanked her
so very grateful for the lesson.
—
“let the first impulse pass, wait for the second.”
-baltasar gracian
A valuable lesson for us all and delivered in your inherently beautiful style!
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thank you so much, brad
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This is an experience I especially made when living in France, in relatively close contact with African friends. It was unthinkable to truly understand each other. We came from different worlds. I learned to listen for long, long intervals w/o offering ‘my advice’, just listening …. difficult for someone like me with a super fast mind, seing ‘solutions, possibilities’, rather impatient by nature.
I DID learn tremendous amounts of everything valuable in life. Patience, understanding, the fact that we ‘can’t win them all’, acceptance on a level I didn’t think possible….. so your experience is ‘just another one’ of many. Mine also made my life better as I now can simply marvel at how different ppl are and how they still manage and cope with so many (to me) unknown obstacles in their lives AND get through.
A wonderful post. Thanks Beth
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oh, you are so right about so many things, kiki. these experiences teach us such important things about life and people
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Such a strong message you gave in the end. Worded very thoughtfully. I agree with the last quote
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thank you so much, i was very moved by her, and glad i waited..
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I think you have just created a new hairstyle Beth … “The Patience And Resilience Hair-Do” … 💛😏
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i hope so -)
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Yes we should never judge and as they say walk in their shoes before we say something. We keep learning for life! Thank you Beth
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so many things to learn, and we just keep on –
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She needed to talk. You needed a haircut. And I needed these incredibly wise words today.
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yes, we both benefitted from this, but i think that i definitely received more – thank you
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Yup, no place for hairassment! Lol! 😅
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Great word play –
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HI Beth, this is something I’m quite sensitive too. A wonderful poem and message.
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Thank you-
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This is indeed a lesson to us all Beth. Never judge, never complain before you know the whole story.
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absolutely
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👍🏼
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beautiful words, Beth, and your kindness shows through. Your post reminded me of a quote: “Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle.” You’ve got to admire the stylist’s resilience…
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yes, that’s a wonderful quote and one to never forget. I did admire her –
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👍
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A very valuable lesson indeed Beth!
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one i won’t soon forget –
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So true…
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grasshopper – now that you hold the pebble who will you teach ?
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i will teach the little people to grow up to be kind big people, i hope.
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That’s an amazing lesson. We don’t get to see such things everyday. What a strong, inspiring lady!
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we sure don’t and she sure was –
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ahhhhh let the first impulse pass, wait for the second ❤
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can make all the difference
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Thank you for this lesson and important reminder. You just never know what goes on in other people’s lives. You are such a kind soul and an inspiration ❤
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yes, we never really know. ❤
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Great message! It’s good when you treat others compassionately, even when you’re getting impatient.
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so important
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Yes, this was a great lesson, Beth, that sometimes the other person’s shoes are a lot tighter than ours feel at the moment. Thank you for your gracious patience and parting gift.
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she was really the one who gave me the greater gift, but i hoped we helped in each other in a way
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A good reminder to be mindful of others and presented in a lovely style.
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sometimes we all need these reminders. thank you
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Good lesson. Perspective. ‘Let he who is without sun, be the first to cast a stone.’
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absolutely
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Humility often leads to gratitude. Your inherent ability to listen patiently saved the day for both of you.
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it really does. she needed to share and i needed to listen. a win for both of us.
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What a great lesson for all of us, Beth. Someone’s problems are always worse than our own, and as humans, we often don’t know the backstory. I love the way you shared this. If I were still in education, I would take a story like this and include it when teaching children the same concept.
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so right, pete. we are so often distracted by our own lives that we don’t take the time to consider others. thank you –
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I get the point. At the same time, it’s not wrong to feel impatient and irritated when someone is late for an appointment.
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i know that it’s a natural reaction, but luckily i was able to hear her story before reacting to my impulse to complain
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This exact thought has been on my mind a LOT lately. Not just that I need to be more interested in others, but others need to be more interest in ME. I feel often that my “friends” don’t even know me. The weirdest, most oblivious stuff comes out of their mouths and I think, “OK, do you see me at ALL? Have you heard ANYTHING?” Then I think it’s probably my fault for not standing up for myself more but just letting them rant on at me without ever saying, “Shut up, you superficial, solipsistic POS. Could you for once LISTEN to me? I’m NOT an extension of you or a figment of your imagination.” People are incredibly self-absorbed (me too) and I think social media, Covid, etc. has probably exacerbated that. My best friend here is my best friend because our exchanges go two ways. I love the way you responded to that girl. It’s beautiful ❤
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i so agree, we all get caught up in ourselves at times and fail to really see/hear others. i especially notice this when online dating. my profile is pretty clear about who i am and what is important to me in life. when someone proudly sends me a photo of him working on dick cheney’s old security team, they really, really don’t get me.
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Ah — then there’s the guy (like the Evil X) who harvests an honest, up-front profile and pretends to like the same things and share the same beliefs so convincingly that you end up supporting his lazy ass and dealing with his psycho-pathological nature. But you learn from it.
The man “in” my life right now is perfect and 5,000 miles away and while he MIGHT show up some day, it’s doubtful. We’ve known each other for 25+ years mostly at a distance. For some people, long-distance relationships are ideal. 😉
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Whatever works!
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😀
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The world needs more good listeners.
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such an important role
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And thank you for sharing the lesson!
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my pleasure. it seems i’m a slow learner at times
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That’s a fantastic reflection, Beth. The power of the pause is so important. I love this story.
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thanks, Jeff. oh, is that pause ever important –
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Most welcome, Beth. Always. Oh, yes, so important, agreed.
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A good reminder for all of us. Thank you.
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my pleasure
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A very important lesson, indeed.
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absolutely
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I love this.
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❤
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A wonderful lesson to share. Thank you.
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my pleasure. i keep learning…
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I love how you wrote this Beth. It’s been a valuable (but often need to relearn) lesson to be patient with others because we truly don’t know what they are going through.
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I am reminded of this at times when I forget
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And the kindness we extend…can make such an impact.
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A good wait for a poem of weight and gravitas[been waiting to use that word somewhere]. A style of waiting is a hairy situation sometimes. In the calm of an elevator one can refrain from raising the hair on the neck and reach the salon of peace and writing. A small miracle dinner for two souls seems worth waiting for. Sometimes a chat in a salon is as good as sympathy in a saloon.
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So well said
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This is a beautiful story and lesson, Beth. We never know what someone else is facing.
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❤️ so true
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Yes!
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Those lessons pop up at the times we least expect them and they are most needed. Thanks for sharing
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oh, they sure do. my pleasure
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Great lesson to mankind
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What a great lesson indeed! I love your quote at the end…to wait for the second impulse. We always win when we choose love over any other reaction.
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yes –
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