Category Archives: humor

scam likely.

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who is scam likely?

an old friend from elementary school?

someone i went to camp with? 

an indy band?

someone i met at a carnival?

sam likely’s twin?

i’m not sure, but scam calls me often

he/she must feel rejected

as i never take their call.

“cats have a scam going- you buy the food,

they eat the food, they go away;

that’s the deal.”

– eddie izzard

 

 

no joke.

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not me, but the same look i get when i realize i’ve forgotten a part of my only joke, yet again.

i love to tell stories, laugh, talk, improv, and share amusing tid-bits

but for the life of me

i absolutely cannot tell a joke

forgetting a line

mixing up the order

messing up the punchline delivery

all that

and

i only have one joke

 and that’s no joke.

“i don’t know how to tell a joke. i never tell jokes.

i can tell stories that happened to me… anecdotes.

but never a joke.”

-lucille ball

 

image credit: pinterest

just stop.

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for those who may be unsure

i’m going to just go ahead and say it:

a stop sign in not meant to be a suggestion. 

(good thing there’s a backup here for a second chance to get it right)

‘if you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.”

-orson welles

as far as anyone knows…

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not me, nor anyone in my family, but i love the spirit of ‘pocket pancaking’

all families are unique, with their own quirks, traditions, and ways of communicating – and the holiday season often serves as the perfect showcase for these interconnected elements. so when tonight show host, jimmy fallon asked his viewers to tweet funny examples using hashtag #myfamilyisweird, the responses did not disappoint. one person shared their relatives’ tradition of hiding leftover pancakes in each other’s pockets, while another posted a photo of a ‘hideous hand-me-down elf ornament their mother keeps trying to throw away each year, but hilariously ends up back on the tree. customs we cultivate with our kin can do more than just make us laugh, studies have long shown that establishing family routines and rituals positively benefits our health, relationships and well-being.

does your family have any unusual traditions? in my family we had a super creepy automotron mange-y looking furry toy cat that kept coming back. we bought it for a visiting grandie and just thought it was an ordinary stuffed animal, but what we soon discovered was that it would move or make noise at random times. people who received this gift ending up reporting that they kept in their garage or basement or closet, because it creeped them out so much. even with all that, they housed if for a full year, just for the opportunity to ‘gift it’ to someone else in family at the next christmas gathering. people went to great lengths to disguise it when wrapping, so the recipient would let down their guard and open it. we gifted it back and forth to each other for many years, until one year it just disappeared….

“remember as far as anyone knows we’re a nice, normal family.”

— homer Ssmpson

you can’t deny laughter.

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memoirists, novelists, songwriters, television writers, screenwriters, comedy writers, social media writers, cookbook authors, newspaper writers, bloggers, it writers, comicstrip writers, standup comedians, human interest writers, 92 year old and 17 year old writers, actors, playwrights, short story writers, cartoonists…

so much creative energy all in one place

learning, listening, talking, writing, improv, playing, crying, laughing my face off with stomach hurting fun.

not your usual conference

not your usual hotel drawer reading material

“you can’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.”

-stephen king

 

i am visited enough.

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 there’s a phrase in german (regional,) meaning “i am feeling visited enough”

that you can say when you want company to go, and this is brilliant.

it’s “ich fühle mich jetzt genug besucht.” 

use as needed.

 

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credits: united humanists, warner brothers pictures photo

strawberry shampoo does not taste as good as it smells.

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i had asked my daughter

to pick out a nice shampoo and conditioner for me

 was excited to get these

loved reading the labels

here are just some of the words/phrases on the packaging:

Resurrection 

For weak, brittle hair that needs an intervention!

Damage Level – 3

Micro shields boost strength and stamina

Great results may cause your hair’s ego to inflate to astronomical proportions.

what?! ‘damage level -3’?!

i love the descriptors

who could resist even one of these?

and also there is so much little writing on the label

 the shampoo and conditioner bottles look exactly the same

 once i’m in the shower i have no idea which is which

and i always forget to look before i get in

and i’m not getting out to get my glasses on

so i have a 50/50 chance of getting it right, a roll of the dice

and sometimes i lose

this is what i call an ‘x-treme’ hair care experience.

“sorry I can’t hear you over the volume of my hair.”

-author unknown