Category Archives: humor

‘i do like artfully breaking rules.’- alton brown

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(not the actual rule-enforcer with a watch, but similar)  

—

went to park in a structure

across the street

from where i was having my hair cut at 10:00

 it was 9:55 when i arrived

pulled into a spot on the ground floor

knowing the lower floors open to the public at 10:oo

to leave room for customers

yes, i am a customer

assumed it would take a couple of minutes

to grab my things and leave my car

so the timing should work out

not thinking it would be an issue

when i turned my car off

an officer on foot

waved and rushed up to my car

as soon as i looked at him

i guessed

it would indeed be an issue

he told me i couldn’t park there

because it wasn’t yet 10:00

i said that i planned

on it being 10:00

by the time i gathered my things

and left my car

no, that is not the rule

if you do this, everyone is going to do this

when i had pulled in, most all of the floor was empty

other than a few people at the ev chargers

while he was chatting with me

others pulled in

 parked all around me on the ground floor

he insisted that i move up to a higher floor

then began rushing over to each car

to say the same thing to them

i moved up to the next floor

 lo and behold

there he was again

saying we all would have to move

to at least the 4th floor as the sign said

i continued winding around

moving up to the higher floors

which were packed from the workers

 who had to arrive early

along with

my fellow parkers

who he had forced to move to the top

so the only place left to park was on the roof

at that point some people who had been forced to move up

had started driving down to lower floors

now that it was officially past 10:00

it had turned into a french farce

 left my car on the roof

met up with a uni student

who also had been pushed up to the top

he gave me a nod

‘that guy’s like a mall cop.’

yep.

we took 7 flights of stairs

down to the ground where we’d started

 little bit late for my appointment

i’m sure all of us who had driven to the top

had made it out of

the early curfew time at that point

so it had really been a ridiculous exercise

i got the feel he might not be a person

who was flexible

 felt more comfortable

with hard and fast rules

i imagine

he must have been exhausted

chasing after all those cars

the salon

booked a 10:15 slot for my next appointment.

—

‘one had followed the rules, and one had not. but the problem with rules… was that they implied a right way and a wrong way to do things. when, in fact, most of the time they were simply ways, none of them quite wrong or quite right, and nothing to tell you for sure what side of the line you stood on.’

– Celeste Ng

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*Alton Brown (born 1962) is an American tv personality, food show presenter, author, voice actor, YouTuber, and cinematographer. He is the creator and host of the Ford Network show Good Eats as well as other shows on the network. Brown is also a best-selling author of several books on food and cooking.

*Celeste Ng (born 1980) is an American writer and novelist.Her short stories have been published in a variety of literary journals. Ng’s first novel, Everything I Never Told You, won the Amazon Book of the Year Award. Her second book, Little Fires Everywhere, was made into a TV miniseries.

a short play in 3 acts and 2 cats.

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act 1

pete the cat decides he’d like to sit where olive is sitting

olive is pretending to be asleep

hoping pete the cat will get bored

go sit somewhere else

pete the cat develops a plan

olive is ignoring pete the cat

olive hangs one leg down

to show how deep in sleep she is

olive is in her special spot

that she now won’t move from

act 2

as pete the cat stands up

planning to relocate olive

one way or another

olive suddenly awakens

from her fake deep sleep

quickly swivels to face pete the cat

a spontaneous kung-fu battle ensues

act 3

pete the cat feels

even more emboldened

to make a major move

in a surprise attack

pete the cat takes flight

olive is ready

now taking up

even more of the coveted space

olive takes a stand

like a stone

refusing to budge

even if she has to

get dehydrated and starve to do so

she has not been to her buffet and water fountain

in 30 minutes

olive knows it is so worth it

pete the cat has other plans.

the end.

(a suspenseful dramatic ambiguous ending)

—

‘with theater you have to be ready for anything, ‘

-wilem dafoe (olive’s favorite theater quote)

—

‘there’s no real theatre without taking risks.’
-haris pasovic (pete the cat’s favorite theater quote)

‘there are two kinds of people in this world, and i am one.’ – dave barry

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                                                                              Gaga                                                               Leo

  –

i am the

bite a chunk of chocolate off the bar and exuberant celebrator kind

what kind of person are you?

 

 

—

‘there are two kinds of people in this world:

those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world

and those who are smart enough to know better.’

-tom robbins

 

 

 

 

—

image credits: zomzto, pinterest

‘ wonder what it’s like to be able to put your hair in a low ponytail and not look like a founding father..’ author unknown

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founding fathers working on yet another rewrite

—

relaxing into having my hair cut

on a busy, bright morning

sudden burst of excitement behind me

founding father hair!

founding father hair!

founding father hair!

a stylist and her client 

 up and laughing

looking in the mirrors

taking pictures

happy and excited

after having

her very full head of hair 

put into

many many rollers

taking them all out

 it had 

 morphed into

 roll after roll of hair

an unusual style 

i’ve seen 

somewhere before

 have to admit

her hair

reminded me of

some of our early countrymen

great way to start the day

happy nod to our forefathers

some of the original influencers.

—

‘“i have heard, indeed, that my predecessor (President Adams)

sometimes decided things against his council by dashing and trampling his wig on the floor.”

-Thomas Jefferson, 3rd US President (in a letter to William Short, 1807)

 

 

 

—

image credits: google images

artsy.

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glad that no one was counting on me

to be the only photographer at the graduation party

here are two of my shots documenting the fun occasion

i’d classify them as ‘artsy’

‘i came to photography by accident. ‘

– eve arnold

 

 *Eve Arnold,( 1912–2012) was an acclaimed American photojournalist and the first female member of the prestigious Mangum Photos agency. Best known for her intimate, candid portraits of celebrities like Marilyn Monroe and Malcolm X, she was equally celebrated for her fearless documentary work in closed-off regions like China and the Soviet Union.

new mistake.

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how was i to know

when i walked in

a little cafe

new to me

great food

that when i started

talking to my friend

about to leave 

cleaned up our table

distracted

more chatting 

saw the open slot

threw my trash in 

realized

not trash slot

 part of decor

not trash slot

no way to get it out

not trash slot

part of a built-in fake wall

told my friend 

two construction workers

sitting near us

busted out laughing

promised not to tell

good thing it was all paper

i’m sure someone else

must have done this before

maybe many

saw our construction guys 

outside 

laughing again

as they drove off

in their truck

—

“there are endless possibilities for new mistakes no one has ever seen before.”

― james irwin, author

superhuman.

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ready to drizzle

tear the seal

unwrap

twist off

the cap

no

the glass

how

does

this

happen

do i

have

super human strength

and don’t know it?

 

—

‘it is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit.’

–J.R.R. Tolkien

‘stay humble as a writer: write on toilet paper. ‘- jonas eriksson

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found this new gift idea when visiting on of my favorite restaurants

now i can get everyone the same thing this year

no returns and it will fit all recipients

just check the box for the occasion

or write in your own

 you’re good to go. 

 

—

‘we buy our own toilet paper even here in the white house.’

-Barack Obama, 44th president of the united states

 

—

york ann arbor, michigan, uss

scurryfunge.

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who’s with me on this? have any of you also scurryfunged? 

To scurryfunge is to hurriedly clean the house before company arrives. This word has had a looser meaning of “to move rapidly” since the early 19th century but likely wasn’t used in the sense of a rapid cleanup until the 1950s, when it appeared in U.S. regional dialects. One definition was included in the 1975 book Maine Lingo by John Gould: “a hasty tidying of the house between the time you see a neighbor coming and the time she knocks on the door.” “Scurry” means “to move in or as if in a brisk pace,” but “Funge” remains a bit of an etymological mystery. This is debated. Some sources say it was a word in Old English, others say it is of “jocular formation.’’

 

 

 

 

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source credits: babushka cat, interesting words, maine lingo, john gould

 

 

tired.

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one of the friendly deer

at the mall’s spring easter bunny display 

  reached her limit and is way overtired

from all of the holiday hullabaloo

 now taking a much overdue nap.

her friend and fellow actor

stands daydreaming 

waiting to move on to their next gig

hoping for a nice earth day spot

in the shade of an ancient tree at a state park

near a quiet freshwater stream 

filled with a playful and friendly otter family.

 

—

‘i am tired of getting typecast.’

-ashish vidyarthi