Category Archives: humor

where hobbies, hijinks, and capers go bad = my childhood #6

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(not my actual sale, this one is 70 miles long, but you get the feel of it)

there was that time

when i decided the best way to earn some quick cash

was to have a yard sale.

so i dragged our lemonade stand table out into the front yard

threw a plastic tablecloth over it

made a sign

covered it with stuff to sell

opened for business

let the cash flow begin!

 a couple of friends and their sibs

stopped by on bikes

to check it out

i quickly made 57 cents

things were humming along at a nice pace

the venture was looking promising

i thought i’d do this each weekend

maybe hire an assistant

deciding what i’d do with all the cash

until

my sister came marching out of the house

to see what was going on

 realized that i was selling her stuff

my mom soon followed

and that business closed pretty quickly.

“three dollars and it only transports matter?!”

(at professor frink’s yard sale – homer simpson)

fictional character from the animated tv series created by matt groening, the simpsons

 

 

 

image credit: cbc.ca

 

 

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leg.

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it’s the perfect day to follow a rogue leg down the road.

 

“if you don’t have a leg to stand on, you can’t put your foot down.”

-robert altman

time travel.

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grandie m

shared his formula

for time travel

with me

but has not come up 

with a return formula

as of yet.

he even made me my very own copy.

i love the cover

and hopefully

everyone’s copy looks like this. 

 

“the truth is, time travel is hard, and people are lazy.”

-margaret person haddix, Redeemed

on the road to mastery.

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i asked two of the grandies

to go bike riding with me

but to have mercy

go easy on me

i haven’t been on a bike in two years

they are great riders

mountain bikers, road bikers, hill jumpers

all i wanted was to get my bike legs back

by starting on a flat surface

they were patient

told me some roads looked tricky

but i’d be okay

along the way they challenged me

and asked me if i could ride

using just 3 limbs, 2 limbs, 1 limb, no limbs?

(no to all)

with 4 limbs, a few minor crashes, tight turns,

near misses, and less than perfect balance

i survived the ride

and rode the next couple of days with them

each day i got a little sorer

but the ride got a little easier

they figured i’d get better by the end of the month

when i asked how they’d rate me as a rider

they told me that i began on the ‘terrible’ level

and had moved up to the ‘almost moderate’ level.

 i took that to mean

‘almost mastery’ level.

“she who succeeds in gaining the mastery of the bicycle will gain the mastery of life.”

-susan b. anthony