Category Archives: humor

wits end.

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“i would challenge you to a battle of wits, but i see you are unarmed.”

-william shakespeare

 

 

 

 

photo credit: gregory dukor/reuters, google images

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ninja vs. peaches.

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when i received my ninja 1000

as a wonderful gift

i (aka peaches) was elated

ready to chop, dice shred, blend, puree..

but right from the beginning

it was clear that my ninja had the same plans for me

 every time i used it

my fingers would somehow end up sliced

 everyone i asked who had one

said this had never happened to them

and it was obvious to me

that the ninja was winning.

in my own ninja counter move

i have decided to pass him on

to another potential victim

with the user’s manual, a box of ‘my little pony’ bandaids,

and a wish to both of them for the best of luck.


*tangent: during this saga, i was reminded of the pink panther movies

where peter sellers and his manservant/ninja, cato

were constantly battling in surprise situations

in an effort to keep inspector clouseau in top form. 

*Cato Fong is Clouseau’s Chinese manservant, trained to attack him regularly to keep him alert and skilled in martial arts. Cato and Clouseau have a love-hate relationship, with their fights being long and vicious, as well as destructive to the furniture, and always interupted by the telephone ringing, at which point they will become civil again. Cato puts a lot of effort into taking his employer by surprise, and Clouseau never really feels safe as Cato will stop at nothing. A running gag is Cato attacking Clouseau during a romantic moment, or else Clouseau going away and Cato transforming the apartment.

“only a ninja can stop a ninja”

-sho kosygin

 

 

 

 

credits: united artists, pink panther films

organization.

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to do list – style a:

play with the ponies 1.

pack the cars. 2.

go to bed 3.

get in the car to go on vacation 4.

do fun things 5. 

a major contrast in approaches

both with the same desired outcome

two grandies

each with their own

style of list

and

way of getting ready 

and

organizing things

to go on a trip.

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to do list – style b:

(loose translation):

‘go around and around in a twisty circle and get some stuff done

and not some other stuff and then hide for a while

and eat something you find outside

and then get in the car to go on vacation and do fun things.’

(i am more of a ‘b-list style’ of organizer. what about you – a or b?)

“the process and organization leading up to cooking the egg

can tell you a lot about the cook.”

-david chang

the dog is the god of frolic. – henry ward beecher

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saw the listing below

in our city’s

rec and ed catalog

and

thought about 

 dogs

and how

they don’t really need

a class in this

it seems to come 

quite naturally 

to most of them

but

how great

it would be

for some

of the humans

to take this class.

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the great pleasure of a dog

is that you may make a fool of yourself with him

and not only will he not scold you,

but he will make a fool of himself too.

– samuel butler

credits: youtube, ann arbor rec and ed department

‘let’s just make something quick ‘n easy.’

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(actual brick, not the frozen chili brick, but a very close resemblance)

it was a blustery night

mg and i had gone out early for a bit 

then later

as we settled in

for a movie

and a place on the couch

in warm pajamas

we had the great idea

to make

something

to eat

that was

‘quick ‘n easy’

we were 

too tired

to even

make sandwiches

and

that’s when

we found it

the massive

frozen brick of leftover chili

the perfect solution

no effort involved

no trouble at all

but

first

we had to get it out

of it’s plastic container

and thought

it would pop right out

but

it was frozen solid to the sides

we used hot water 

and knives

and all kinds of sharp objects

and we wrestled with it

and looked for the scissors 

to cut the container

off of it

and finally

coaxed it out

and

into the pan

where it refused 

to return to it’s original form

and we scraped it

and flipped it

and splashed stuff all over

and tried to chop it up

and chipped away at it 

yet

the brick held fast

and i wished 

we had

a blowtorch

and we were almost sweating

from all the exertion

and we could not stop laughing

at this quick ‘n easy solution

and i heard things like:

‘maybe a sandwich would have been easier after all’

and 

‘i think we’re making some headway with the edges’

and 

we laughed even harder

as it steamed

and simmered

and sputtered

and finally:

‘i want to be positive and not negative, but there is still a lot of it that is frozen…’

and 

it held fast

and we decided to walk away for a time

and when we returned

it had

somehow

transformed

back

to its 

liquid state of being

at last

and 

we poured it into bowls

and it was hot as all get up

and our tongues were on fire

and it 

hadn’t exactly been

‘quick ‘n easy’

but 

it was so worth it.

——

leftovers in their less visible form are called memories.

stored in the refrigerator of the mind and the cupboard of the heart.

-thomas fuller

run with your legs to be fast, run with your mind to be faster, run with your heart to be unstoppable. – aalaynah thompson

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we trained together for a year

to be ready

for a long

3-day event

for charity

and

we thought

it would

also

 make us healthier

in the process.

***

except that

we weren’t

the most natural

or best

walkers/runners

but we pushed on

and for

many, many days

we walked

through town

or

in the countryside

or

on the road

or

inside the mall

with

the hardcore seniors

during blizzards

or

anywhere we could find

an open space.

***

funny-galapagos-olympics-tortoise-turtles-racing-grass-pics

then one day

upon arriving at a park

for another training day

we saw a race beginning

and

on a whim

we decided

to start late

and  join in

at the back

just for practice

and

we somehow

started moving up

in spite of ourselves

slowly but surely

until we were

near

the front of the pack

and suddenly

out of the blue

i got crazily competitive

not my usual mindset

at all

and i yelled out

‘i can take them!’

as i raced past

the front two people.

****

okay,

so

they happened to be

a very elderly man

and

a person with a noticeable limp

and

i

won the race

and

got a gold medal and a massage and a granola bar

and

i felt like

forrest gump

just dropping

into

the middle

of something

and

somehow

winning

by accident

and

it was

that moment of

crazy heart

that

made me unstoppable

and i’m sorry to have run past you –

people who thought you were going to win

and were in the front

and i know

you were old and infirm

but at last

i had found my pace

and my tribe

and

it was

quite a day.

****

photo-of-funny-animal

image credits: flickr.com