Monthly Archives: March 2019

fold.

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i held this gift of a tiny origami star

made from a square of beautiful paper

admiring it in my hand for a time

knowing it will be held in my memory

for a long time to come.

“WHEN YOU FOLD A PIECE OF PAPER,

YOU’RE ESSENTIALLY CHANGING THE MEMORY OF THAT PIECE”. 

-ERIC DEMAINE

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release.

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after what had turned into

a very crazy up and down and all over the place day

i had one last task to complete

making a copy of a document to be delivered

realized i was at my limit

when i held up my car key

pointed it at the big red doors

trying to use the door open button on my key

to exit the store.

 it didn’t work.

then the door did open.

i made eye contact with someone entering the store

while i was trying to push button my way out.

we both smiled.

tomorrow is another day.

“humor comes from the surprise release of some buried tension.”

-lorrie moore

above average.

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after pulling into the lot

i made a quick decision to park a little bit away from this one. 

not real sure that marketing is one of their strengths either. 

 “the one thing that unites all human beings,

regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, 

is that, deep down inside,

we all believe that we are above-average drivers”

-dave barry

less not more.

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i wish this option was available.

after noticing that my bill had made a huge monthly rate leap

it was time for yet another wacky interaction with my cable provider

the rep was very friendly as he told me

that my old rate was purely promotional

 it had expired without notice

and was no longer available

i then told him that in that case

i’d like to cut back on my service

to restore it to a more reasonable (yet still crazy) rate

he offered to get right to work for me

to find a happy solution to my problem

after thanking me often

during my 37 minutes of insane hold music

my rep came up with my new rate

 i laughed out loud when he quoted me a price

that was actually higher than the one

i was calling about when we began

 he quickly and politely explained

that he had provided me with their premier package

adding in home security, a landline, voice controls,

and i think something to do with walking my cat

(none of which i requested)

 he also told me that he had used

their new state of the art billing service

(why it took so long)

which is very finely tuned

to review my bill and only charge me

based on the channels and services i use

offering me the best possible deal available

i reminded him that i had actually called

to eliminate channels and extra services

and to pay less not more

he politely went back to work on my issue

after a lot more hold music

i eliminated my useless channels and services

declining the best deal in the universe

even after he warned me i would be giving up things such as:

the rodeo clown channel, the quilting channel, and the watching paint dry live channel

i held my ground

and finally

in a twist of fate and luck and cable math

i somehow ended up back at

the special no longer available promotional rate

that i had requested to return to when we started .

“the real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.”

-b. f. skinner 

 

 

 

image credit: gadgetpage.info

and on the seventh day…

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if you’re like many of us who grew up in the 60s-70s

you’ll no doubt remember the popular ‘days of the week’ underwear sets

i loved the colors, the names,

the sense of knowing what day it was

without having to be burdened with a real calendar

yet i always wondered one thing about them –

why no ‘sunday’ pair?

what was the possible reason for this?

would god be mad if we wore underwear on sunday?

wouldn’t he be even madder if we didn’t?

i knew my catechism nuns wouldn’t have the answers.

i was left wondering.

 in the following scene from ‘when harry met sally’

sally explained the reason behind her latest breakup. great minds…..

HARRY: So how come you broke up with Sheldon?…SALLY: Well, if you must know, it’s because he was very jealous and I had these days of the week underpants.HARRY: [Makes buzzer sound]. I’m sorry. I need a judge’s ruling on this. Days of the week underpants?SALLY: Yes. They had the days of the week on them and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, “You never wear Sunday.” He’s all suspicious, “Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday?” And I told him and he didn’t believe me.HARRY: What? SALLY: They don’t make Sunday.HARRY: Why not?SALLY: Because of God.

“this is sunday, and the question arises, what’ll I start tomorrow?

-kurt vonnegut

 

 

 

image credit: sassygrannysnickers on etsy