Tag Archives: humor

grandma or google.

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when driving with grandie f

he asked me 

 what a ‘party line’ was.

he said it was mentioned

in an article he was reading

and it advised him to

 ‘ask a grandma or google’

if he needed an explanation.

I think that was a brilliant suggestion

they understood

that between the two sources

we have most everything covered. 

“as I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”

-prince william

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shark!!!

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not sure how it all went down

but there was just half of a shark

left behind at a local pizza joint

there must have been one battle royale

and I wonder what happened to the other guy.

 

“we should be afraid of sharks half as much as sharks should be afraid of us.”

-peter benchley, author – jaws

release.

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after what had turned into

a very crazy up and down and all over the place day

i had one last task to complete

making a copy of a document to be delivered

realized i was at my limit

when i held up my car key

pointed it at the big red doors

trying to use the door open button on my key

to exit the store.

 it didn’t work.

then the door did open.

i made eye contact with someone entering the store

while i was trying to push button my way out.

we both smiled.

tomorrow is another day.

“humor comes from the surprise release of some buried tension.”

-lorrie moore

and on the seventh day…

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if you’re like many of us who grew up in the 60s-70s

you’ll no doubt remember the popular ‘days of the week’ underwear sets

i loved the colors, the names,

the sense of knowing what day it was

without having to be burdened with a real calendar

yet i always wondered one thing about them –

why no ‘sunday’ pair?

what was the possible reason for this?

would god be mad if we wore underwear on sunday?

wouldn’t he be even madder if we didn’t?

i knew my catechism nuns wouldn’t have the answers.

i was left wondering.

 in the following scene from ‘when harry met sally’

sally explained the reason behind her latest breakup. great minds…..

HARRY: So how come you broke up with Sheldon?…SALLY: Well, if you must know, it’s because he was very jealous and I had these days of the week underpants.HARRY: [Makes buzzer sound]. I’m sorry. I need a judge’s ruling on this. Days of the week underpants?SALLY: Yes. They had the days of the week on them and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, “You never wear Sunday.” He’s all suspicious, “Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday?” And I told him and he didn’t believe me.HARRY: What? SALLY: They don’t make Sunday.HARRY: Why not?SALLY: Because of God.

“this is sunday, and the question arises, what’ll I start tomorrow?

-kurt vonnegut

 

 

 

image credit: sassygrannysnickers on etsy

sticky business.

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i bought this gum

because is was $1.00 and it was sugarless.

 it also read “truth or dare – censored”

on the front of the package

and like a 13 year-old

i couldn’t resist seeing what it was all about.

inside the package

each piece of gum

was wrapped in a series

of fill-in-the-blank sentences

meant to be provocative in some way

with some of the words ‘censored’ out. 

i thought that i must have been the only one to buy this

because it was on sale and there was still a full shelf of it left

until i went to lunch and shared it with my friends

and one told me

that she had bought the “uncensored” version for her office.

what?  i mean #$% what?

“the only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen”

– tom smothers, 1960s