Tag Archives: humor

wha?

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after working hard all day
without taking a break to eat
 tired and hungry and looking for the easy way out
i decided to just drive through the closest place
to get food to eat on my way home
 trying to eat something healthy
 was a quite a challenge based on the menu
ordered a small wrap without sauce and unsweetened iced tea
they repeated my order to me
i confirmed it and paid
got my order
slipped back into traffic and headed off
only to quickly discover
much to my dismay
they had actually
added extra sauce, a sugary fake honey mustard sort of thing to my wrap
and poured me a fully-sugared iced tea
was this a trick?
had i asked for my order in some other language that i was unaware of ?
did yes actually mean no?
was i a horrible communicator?
did i appear to need a sugar boost?
too tired and too much traffic to go back
but one of us in the equation was clearly confused
and perhaps both.
“the single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

-george bernard shaw

image credit: pinterest

 

ninjas don’t wear underwear.

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as i walked in with one of the grandies to his ninja training class

and asked if he had everything he needed

before he scrambled off to

jump, climb, twirl, crawl, and yell

his deadpan answer was

“ninjas don’t wear underwear.”

i suspect that he created this rule

because he didn’t feel like putting them on

and he quickly adopted this as his mantra.

ninjas are clever.

“true ninjas are always outnumbered, because they are individuals.”

-jarius raphel

 

bunny ponders.

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bunny ponders how it is that

just last week

he was out in the open fields

rounding up cabbages, eating tall grasses, chasing bugs, free as the wind, and making merry,

only to find himself working in the restroom of a local establishment

 from 9 to 5

this week

nowhere near as exciting

and not a tall blade of grass to be found. 

“it’s diamonds in your pockets one week, macaroni and cheese the next.”
-jolene blalock

tangles.

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(not my sister but you get the idea)

my sister, p.

recently shared the following story

about her hair misadventure

and as sympathetic as i was

i could not stop laughing. 

and could totally identify. 

must have been nervous laughter

and gratitude that it wasn’t me. 

p. had gone to have her hair cut and styled

the very adept stylist easily cut it and blew it dry

with just a round brush

and

it emerged

into a full and lovely natural style. 

the next day

my sister decided that she could certainly do the same

so she armed herself with a blow dryer and big round brush

and had at it. 

only –

the brush got stuck

very stuck

absolutely stuck

tangled in both directions

and it was immovable. 

it was so bad

that she thought her only option

would be to cut it out

so she called the salon

explained the situation 

 they told her to come in for help

she drove through her small town

with the big round brush

still stuck on the side of her head 

parked her car

walked down the sidewalk

past the local businesses and people on the street

with it still stuck on the side of her head

and into the salon once more.

not surprisingly

they guessed her identity the moment she walked in

the salon was very busy

but not so busy that the staff and their customers

did not have time to guffaw and laugh out loud

unable to restrain themselves

people tried not to make eye contact

they walked her through the salon to the very back

where the staff took turns working on it

in between clients

until it eventually

was worked off of her head

one hair at a time. 

i totally get this. 

“so many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.”

-gordon w. allport

image credit: google images

one card short.

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it’s well into the night

when it becomes apparent 

that one of our players

has fully slipped into a

‘one card short of a deck’

state of mind

and announces –

“i can’t play anymore, all of my cards say the same thing.”

“as long as there are games to play it is not over. “

-alex ferguson

i.d.

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why yes, i’m happy to wait here all day while you check my i.d.

i’ll just stand right by this alert and tan in the glow of its light.

take all the time you need. i’ll hang out for a few minutes longer.

thanks so much for sending help.

does anyone else have this message on their screen?

oh?

you i.d. everyone?

great policy.


“i have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, i don’t have to.”

-albert einstein