Tag Archives: humor

eclipsed.

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for some reason

in anticipation of the upcoming solar eclipse 

i decided that it would be a great time

to make 120 ‘solar eclipse’ cookies.

the plan was to give them to 3 different groups of people

who i would see this weekend

the recipe looked quite easy

and fitting in with the spirit of the big day

the idea was to add the sun yellow and moon chocolate icings

to the perfect moon shapes

increasing the dark moon coverage on each one

showing all of the phases of the eclipse

during the process

 smoke and grease and sugar and cocoa and lemon

filled the kitchen

it took hours

the outcome was not quite as i expected

i’m not sure what exactly went wrong

but i am sure there were lots of things that did

the end result was best described by

steve carell while in character on ‘the office’ –

“it looks like it was put together by baby monkeys living on a farm.”


i’m going to embrace that and take it as a compliment 

i know that the eclipse makes lots of things go a bit off kilter

and i can’t wait to see how excited everyone is

to receive this very special gift from me. 

“there’s a victory in letting go of your expectations.”
-mike white

unsung hero.

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got a call from ‘h’ daughter number three

suddenly looking for solar eclipse glasses

we both called all of our possible sources

everyone was sold out

until

my last call

to the 7-11 store

right downtown

in the heart of the student area

the woman on the phone whispered

“the truck just came in with a shipment”

 felt like i was in a mob movie

this was magic to my ears

 the boys jumped barefoot into my car

we zoomed a few blocks to downtown

quickly pulled into an expired parking space

somewhat close to the store

(disclaimer: all of this was done safely, mom and dad,

so i’m not banned from future care taking)

just as i got out of my car

i spied a meter maid 3 cars ahead

intense and on a mission 

the boys would try to talk her out of it

if she wanted to ticket us

just then

the police arrived to have a discussion

with a group of people and their dogs

who had gathered across the street

enough to distract and delay the meter maid hopefully

ran to the store

and straight into a dead stop

right at the back of a giant line

of students ordering up grilled food

paying with change

moving slowly

apparently not needing to be anywhere

found a friendly worker

asked her if they still had the glasses

she was reluctant and nervous at first

looked around

over her shoulder

 said she could only sell me one

when i asked her

to please sell me a few more

the godfather/district manager

who happened to be in the store

 overheard and stepped in

giving her the nod/authorizing her

to sell me what i needed

she moved me up to her register

rang me up 

she was giggling and happy and smiling with the glasses in hand

my unsung hero

who worked small miracles on this day

i knew i had to sprint back to the car

but while i was in there

negotiating my deal

cement workers had arrived

and closed off the sidewalk

took a detour

made it to the car in time

with all the glasses i needed

no harm no foul

the stars had aligned

happy to have pulled off this caper

boys having learned some real life skills

 no ticket

so glad to have met a person

who went the extra mile to help

that i gave her a tip

and wrote her a haiku in gratitude.

hero haiku

here’s to you hero
big gulp lotto chips seller
you make people smile

 “for a true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength,

but by the strength of his heart.”

(or her)

-zeus (from hercules)

food of the soul.

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at my daughter’s house

getting ready to take the boys to a movie

 i opened the freezer and looked for

something healthy and quick to eat before leaving

i chose what appeared to be

some quinoa/whole oats/ancient grains kind of thing

took off the top and heated it up

when i took my first bite i soon realized

there had been a mistake

on my part

it had a taste and texture that really didn’t register

as anything i had ever eaten before

 vaguely familiar, but not so much

far from an ancient grain

and it did not taste good

though perhaps was healthy

 i looked back again at the top

this time really looking

and saw that it was lightly labeled ‘bee wax’

no doubt from their hives in the backyard

ah, that.

“and what, socrates, is the food of the soul?

surely, I said, knowledge is the food of the soul.”

-plato

guts and care.

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when their quesadilla is too hot to eat

leave it to the little ones 

to think out of the box.

one holds the quesadilla pieces,

while the other rides the rowing machine

to move the fan to cool the food.

problem solved. 

for every two minutes on the rowing machine

riding fast to cool the food

you can eat one triangle and call it even.

#family math

‘creating problems is easy. we do it all the time. finding solutions, ones that last and produce good results, requires guts and care.’

-henry rollins