Category Archives: medical

boring.

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the doctor asked me

the usual litany of questions

general health, lifestyle, habits, history, medical issues

she was excited to find that i was not on any medication

her happiness continued on through the list of ‘red flag’ questions

as i answered no, no, no, rarely, on special occasions, safely, long ago

 heard myself reciting my answers

finally blurted out that i must be really boring

 she told me that is exactly what doctors want to hear

i made her day, but now i’m left wondering how to kick it up a notch. 

“everybody’s life can be a movie but most of such movies will be boring!”

-mehmet murat ildan

 

 

 

image credit: google images

not exactly.

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imagine my surprise

just before undergoing

an out-patient medical test

listening to the waiver

read aloud to me

most of it

consisting of the usual

risks, percentages, side effects

 somewhere in the middle

i heard:

“medicine is not an exact science.”

best liability statement i have ever heard.

 

“i am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.”

-alexander the great

 

 

 

image credit: aspca.org

glitter again/still.

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i went to the u of m dermo clinic

for my annual skin checkup

and remembered

just how thorough they were

when 3 different docs

checked me out. 

the first one asked,

“did you know that you have some glitter stuck to your back?’

the second one asked,

“how did you get glitter in your hair?”

and finally, the third, the resident doc asked,

“did you know that you have glitter on your feet?”

i think they all imagined that i’d been to a wild party

or secretly am a dancer as my second job

i really couldn’t attribute it to working with the kinders

now that it’s summer break.

i  told all of them that i wasn’t really surprised

that it’s always on me somewhere

thanked them for letting me know

and for another clean bill of health.

i think it lightened things up a bit in their clinic. 

“i must bridge the gap

between adolescent glitter and mature glow.”

-sylvia plath

 

 

 

 

 

image credit: instyle