Tag Archives: doctor

tangled.

Standard

all went well on my annual visit to the doctor 

except 

for a bit of a ‘gown snafu’

(this picture does not even begin to do it justice)

when i went to put it on

i couldn’t tell

which side

was supposed to be inside or outside

there were pockets both inside and outside

snaps all over the place

numerous ties of various sizes and locations

parts of the fabric were tucked into each other

no matter how i configured it

it just didn’t seem designed

for any sort of human form

knowing that i was under a time crunch

i quickly tried a few different scenarios

the multitude of mini-snaps

were designed for the hands of fairy

 ties were in illogical places

i somehow had to craft my own sleeves

feeling as though

i was in a speed design contest

or playing a  party game

 i finally just settled on my final look

 kind of wrapping the whole thing around me

covering things

snapping things

tying things

 when my doc came in she started laughing

saying

“you are sleeveless on one side

the front is in back

things are tied up all over”

she was impressed by my creativity

when i asked about the gown

she smiled and said

“it’s a cognitive test”

that’s why she’s so great

i hope she was kidding. 

“when everything becomes tangled, you should make the choice.” 

-roman simonyan

not exactly.

Standard

imagine my surprise

just before undergoing

an out-patient medical test

listening to the waiver

read aloud to me

most of it

consisting of the usual

risks, percentages, side effects

 somewhere in the middle

i heard:

“medicine is not an exact science.”

best liability statement i have ever heard.

 

“i am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.”

-alexander the great

 

 

 

image credit: aspca.org

glitter again/still.

Standard

i went to the u of m dermo clinic

for my annual skin checkup

and remembered

just how thorough they were

when 3 different docs

checked me out. 

the first one asked,

“did you know that you have some glitter stuck to your back?’

the second one asked,

“how did you get glitter in your hair?”

and finally, the third, the resident doc asked,

“did you know that you have glitter on your feet?”

i think they all imagined that i’d been to a wild party

or secretly am a dancer as my second job

i really couldn’t attribute it to working with the kinders

now that it’s summer break.

i  told all of them that i wasn’t really surprised

that it’s always on me somewhere

thanked them for letting me know

and for another clean bill of health.

i think it lightened things up a bit in their clinic. 

“i must bridge the gap

between adolescent glitter and mature glow.”

-sylvia plath

 

 

 

 

 

image credit: instyle

diagnosis.

Standard

how lucky am i

that there is a veterinary hospital

right in my very own classroom

and a doctor from that hospital

ready to ‘doctor me’ and to offer a diagnosis:

“you do not have a heartbeat and you have a very small cavity.”

i am thankful for this 

and now that i understand

what is causing my foot to hurt

 i know exactly how to make it all better.

“if you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy,

keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor.”

-teri garr