Tag Archives: medical

boring.

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the doctor asked me

the usual litany of questions

general health, lifestyle, habits, history, medical issues

she was excited to find that i was not on any medication

her happiness continued on through the list of ‘red flag’ questions

as i answered no, no, no, rarely, on special occasions, safely, long ago

 heard myself reciting my answers

finally blurted out that i must be really boring

 she told me that is exactly what doctors want to hear

i made her day, but now i’m left wondering how to kick it up a notch. 

“everybody’s life can be a movie but most of such movies will be boring!”

-mehmet murat ildan

 

 

 

image credit: google images

tangled.

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all went well on my annual visit to the doctor 

except 

for a bit of a ‘gown snafu’

(this picture does not even begin to do it justice)

when i went to put it on

i couldn’t tell

which side

was supposed to be inside or outside

there were pockets both inside and outside

snaps all over the place

numerous ties of various sizes and locations

parts of the fabric were tucked into each other

no matter how i configured it

it just didn’t seem designed

for any sort of human form

knowing that i was under a time crunch

i quickly tried a few different scenarios

the multitude of mini-snaps

were designed for the hands of fairy

 ties were in illogical places

i somehow had to craft my own sleeves

feeling as though

i was in a speed design contest

or playing a  party game

 i finally just settled on my final look

 kind of wrapping the whole thing around me

covering things

snapping things

tying things

 when my doc came in she started laughing

saying

“you are sleeveless on one side

the front is in back

things are tied up all over”

she was impressed by my creativity

when i asked about the gown

she smiled and said

“it’s a cognitive test”

that’s why she’s so great

i hope she was kidding. 

“when everything becomes tangled, you should make the choice.” 

-roman simonyan

not exactly.

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imagine my surprise

just before undergoing

an out-patient medical test

listening to the waiver

read aloud to me

most of it

consisting of the usual

risks, percentages, side effects

 somewhere in the middle

i heard:

“medicine is not an exact science.”

best liability statement i have ever heard.

 

“i am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.”

-alexander the great

 

 

 

image credit: aspca.org