Tag Archives: injury

ninja vs. peaches.

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when i received my ninja 1000

as a wonderful gift

i (aka peaches) was elated

ready to chop, dice shred, blend, puree..

but right from the beginning

it was clear that my ninja had the same plans for me

 every time i used it

my fingers would somehow end up sliced

 everyone i asked who had one

said this had never happened to them

and it was obvious to me

that the ninja was winning.

in my own ninja counter move

i have decided to pass him on

to another potential victim

with the user’s manual, a box of ‘my little pony’ bandaids,

and a wish to both of them for the best of luck.


*tangent: during this saga, i was reminded of the pink panther movies

where peter sellers and his manservant/ninja, cato

were constantly battling in surprise situations

in an effort to keep inspector clouseau in top form. 

*Cato Fong is Clouseau’s Chinese manservant, trained to attack him regularly to keep him alert and skilled in martial arts. Cato and Clouseau have a love-hate relationship, with their fights being long and vicious, as well as destructive to the furniture, and always interupted by the telephone ringing, at which point they will become civil again. Cato puts a lot of effort into taking his employer by surprise, and Clouseau never really feels safe as Cato will stop at nothing. A running gag is Cato attacking Clouseau during a romantic moment, or else Clouseau going away and Cato transforming the apartment.

“only a ninja can stop a ninja”

-sho kosygin

 

 

 

 

credits: united artists, pink panther films

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diagnosis.

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how lucky am i

that there is a veterinary hospital

right in my very own classroom

and a doctor from that hospital

ready to ‘doctor me’ and to offer a diagnosis:

“you do not have a heartbeat and you have a very small cavity.”

i am thankful for this 

and now that i understand

what is causing my foot to hurt

 i know exactly how to make it all better.

“if you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy,

keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor.”

-teri garr

heal.

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one of the sweetest cards ever –

created by one of my kinders 

who “read” it aloud to me:

“I really, really, really  hope that your foot feels better very, very soon.”

(complete with a picture of me with one foot in the giant boot. )

“if you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment.”

-carlos santana

das boot.

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another unexpected mishap

once

while singing and dancing in my house

another time

while playing extreme family badminton

yet again

after lots and lots of walking and hiking

and

this time

while

running on the ice with the kinders

then 

limping to the doctor for a boot

it’s only a matter of time

and i’m sure that 

 i’ll find

a new happy and healthy activity

to challenge me 

but i’m going to

keep the boot this time.

“my optimism wears heavy boots and is loud.”

-henry rollins

jack.

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this is jack. he got into a fight and ended up with a wound on his side. the vet suggested a shirt as a less stressful approach to keep him from chewing it, rather than a plastic cone.

fun fact: most cats fit into baby shirts sized 0-3 months.

 

‘i work best when there’s a safety trampoline of kindness.’

-ruth negga

 

 credits: red tart art/imgur.com

*on the other hand.

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images

(not me, just a low-budget re-enactor)

when my garage door opener stopped opening

the garage door opener guy came over to check it out

his prognosis:

  it was going to need to be replaced

 it was quickly wearing out and about done.

when i asked if it was like when your grandma is slowing fading away

he said:

“grandma is dead.”

with that, he disconnected it

told me that i would acquire new muscles

opening and closing it by hand each day

until i got a new opener system.

i figured i could put it off for a few days and then deal with it

but life interfered 

as it so often does. 

this morning

as  i was headed out for the day

 i grabbed the door to close it

 but

four fingers of my hand

somehow got stuck in the folding panels of the door as i rolled it down 

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 i yelled out and quickly sprung into action

  used my other hand to open it back up 

fueled by superhuman (sort of) strength and adrenaline

to save the hand that felt like

it was being painfully crushed by an angry gorilla.

with teeth.

 on caffeine.

i saw myself in a precarious position

with no time to waste

like

james franco

in “127 hours” 

where he had to use his dull pocket knife to saw off his arm

that was wedged between boulders in order to save his own life.

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(james, before he sprung into action)

once i freed my hand

i surveyed the damage

four squeezed fingers

with deep scarlet creases

swollen and throbbing

but all parts still there

good news. 

i drove with one hand to the home improvement store

unknown

walked to the back

found a wonderfully friendly worker who turned and said

“follow me to the wall and i hope i won’t be moving too fast.”

to which i replied:

“well, you do have an advantage.”

his response –

“really? i am in a wheelchair and you are walking on two legs.”

okay, so yes. 

didn’t think of that.

put my little mishap into perspective.

he turned and smiled and said:

“i’m  just kidding, but i am in a wheelchair.”

yes.

and that was it

he was great

we talked about his kids and school and teaching and accidents

the new stuff is ordered and the guys will be here this week to put it all in.

in the scheme of things

not too bad

not like the time i broke my toe dancing in the house and kicked the bathroom door when leaping.

or the time i sprained my foot playing family extreme badminton barefoot.

or the time i got my fingers caught in the hand mixer

when i was trying to pull out the beaters and it was still plugged in. 

or the time i_______ (fill in the blank here numerous times)

no, not like those times. 

but i’m thinking i should maybe ask for a pocket knife for mother’s day.

*disclaimer: this blog post was written with my ‘other hand’ and i am not responsible for errors.

“they’re funny things, accidents. you never have them till you’re having them.”
― a.a. milne

credits: fox searchlight films/127 hours, lowes, google images

things that go bump in the night.

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a021081such a chilly night

that i

ran up

the stairs

 to my

cozy

loft bedroom

with the

slanted ceilings

and i

was

so happy

to be there

that i

jumped into bed

just like

in the movies

with piles of

warm soft blankets

and

pillows

waiting for me

but

 somehow

my head

went first

and i

jumped into

the slanted ceiling

instead

then i

fell into bed

holding my head

and wondering

would i

wake up?

and i

 saw a few stars

though i

 don’t have a skylight

so i

wrote down

two questions

to ask myself

to check on

 my

potential concussion

who is the president?

what is your name?

that’s what

they always ask

in the movies

but i

 forgot

to wake up

to ask them of myself

and i

forgot

to write down the answers

how

would i

ever know

if i

got them right?

all

that i

do know for sure

is

that i

woke up

with

a  giant bump

of some kind

on my head

pinte.com

don’t let your head get in the way of your hearts direction…

– daniel engelbrecht

 

image credits: wbur.org, pinterest.com