Feb2

Too clever is dumb. – Ogden Nash

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i was in arizona, visiting my sister and her family, and we crossed the border to go bargain shopping at a market in mexico. we saw lots and lots of wonderful things for sale, but there was one item i simply could not resist. i have always been a huge fan of pinatas, and of all of the celebrations and craziness that go with them, and i saw one that topped all the others. it was a giant. life-sized, santa claus piñata. i knew right away it had to be mine. and, in the spirit of being in the open-air market, i knew i would drive a hard bargain for st. nick. 

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soon after, there were 5 seconds of tough negotiations that went something like this,

‘how much for that santa?’

’10 dollars and 25 cents.’

‘how about 10 dollars?

‘okay.’

i knew i had been so clever, and had gotten the bargain of a lifetime. i was so happy, and santa and i kind of walked off with a newfound swagger, as i talked about how clever i had been, how the seller didn’t know how much this gem was worth, and how clever i really was.

we drove to the airport and i checked in, proud to be carrying my new friend santa, ready to show him how we like to celebrate the winter holidays in michigan. we got lots of odd looks, smiles and questioning faces, but no matter. it was so clever, that we had ended up together, and for such a bargain price. it was at the ticket counter, however, that my ‘so clever’ bubble was quickly popped,  i was told the following: ‘he’s too big to stow above, you’ll have to buy him his own seat.’ what, my $10.00 clever bargain santa would now cost me hundreds to get home??

and soon after, yet another round of intense negotiations took place:

‘okay, what are my other options?’

‘there is only one.’

‘okay.’

we found a compromise. santa could fly with the luggage in the cargo section of the plane, and i had to be willing to accept that he may not look the same upon arrival. we parted ways – him on a conveyer belt, and i walked down a long hallway. i imagined all sorts of terrible things happening to him without his clever mama watching over him, but he would have been an expensive companion to have on board.

when i landed i saw him coming around the luggage carousel, feet first, and with a toe tag on. i thought about how he looked like he was in a morgue, and i knew it had been a very rough flight for him. i picked him up, stood him upright, and as we walked away, he was not quite as jolly, and i, not quite as clever. it had been a good run of clever for both of us though, and how quickly it was over.  

The desire to seem clever often keeps us from being so.  –   Francois de La Rochefoucauld

 

 

 

 

 

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59 responses »

  1. Oh goodness Beth you have the most amazing tales. I pictured the bargaining…yay you for 25 cents off, then having to say goodbye to Santa as they put him in the cargo hold. Kinda deflating for the Ho Ho Ho guy wasn’t it ;-) xx

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  4. At least he made it to the other side. I had visions of him squashed flat. You and my husband would make a great team, that 25c would have made all the difference to him.

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  5. Somehow I thought your Santa pinata tale was leading to a search at the border, Beth. So much stuff can go inside a Claus of that size, you know. The toe tag arrival in MIchigan was almost as bad as the cavity search at the border, though. Never give up on your inner clever, Ogden Nash be damned. Great tale, Beth.

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  7. Reminds me of the time I had friends from the US over, and somebody gave them a solid wood Hippo about 2 ft high and 4 ft long, I am sure it was about 60 pounds. I told them they can not take it along on their flight back! They were also very clever, arguing that the 2 suitcases full of aid for our orphans were now empty so they had space … we bubble wrapped the good thing, and voila, in South Africa it also disappeared on that infamous conveyor belt. Atlanta airport – different story. The Hippo was missing feet, eyes and ears (a big lump of wood, really, like, who travels with their own log?) and then the customers officer asked a fine of 350 dollars to bring the thing in. … Clever indeed.

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  9. Poor Santa, relegated to the baggage compartment! And the toe tag was definitely priceless, so glad he made it in one piece though, I imagine that it was a long flight for you worrying about him down there in the bowels of the plane … Enjoyed your post, beth …

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  14. Oh, Beth: What fun. Although you had to make arrangements for your Santa pinata’s return trip to the states, I bet this will become one of those famous Christmas stories that gets retold year after year. How will you ever be able to break open your dear Santa? After all, since he qualified for first class travel (remember it was you that put him in baggage) he really must be something out of this world. You know we’ll all want to know how Santa makes it through the summer months and what will his role be next Christmas?

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  18. Wow. If there were seats open that you could have bought for him, I’m surprised that they didn’t let you just carry him onboard. Also, could you not have just gate checked him rather than processing him at the ticket counter? Seems like you got a particularly unhelpful ticket agent…

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  20. I really like how you saw poor Santa lying on the conveyor belt like at the morgue with his toe tag on! Great descriptions and funny story! I can see how it let some of the air out of that balloon or bubble that was floating around from the great bargain you ‘drove!’ Smiles,Robin

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  21. Well darn, I hope it didn’t cost too much to arrive in the cargo. Poor Santa, that would have been a good photo with the toe tag and flying down the shoot. Does Santa come filled with Mexican candy?

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    • nope, it was a deal compared to buying a seat for him. i wish i had a photo too, just wasn’t expecting such a dramatic entrance from him. santa came empty, and it’s lucky i made such a clever deal to save 25 cents, that helped fund his filling )

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  24. what a story! Would have been the world’s most expensive pinata if he’d flown in the main cabin. Glad he came home with you just the same. Sounds a bit like the Corduroy tale, where the bear ends up with a few nicks and scrapes (and popped button), but still makes a good friend.

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    • kind of, sort of for the negotiating skills, a piñata is a thing you hang up and fill with candy and toys and hit down with a bat to get the prizes out and can be in the shape of anything, and thanks!

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