Aug13

this suspense is terrible. i hope it will last. – oscar wilde

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USA Map www.infographicality.com

when my niece and her family

relocated to the midwest

moving

from

flagstaff, arizona

to

toledo, ohio

for two years of graduate school

i was excited

to have them nearby

and

i told them

about

the beauty of the seasons here

and

no drama

no wildfires

no scorpions

no excessive heat

no worries

then

Watch how America is getting frozen from space in this time-lapse 2014-01-06 09-41-26_1389019315311_1954302_ver1.0_640_480

came the polar vortex

and it was so cold

no one could go outside

or navigate

the mountains of snow

deep20snow20jt

and i told them

that this had never happened before

in my living memory

and not to worry

the worst would be over soon

and then

algae-lake-erie-toledo-water-crisis

came

lake erie’s

 toxic algae bloom crisis

no one could drink or bathe

or even boil the water

for days on end

nyt.com

and i told them

i’ve never, ever

have

experienced this before

in my entire lifetime

and i told them not to worry

the worst would be over soon

and then

accuweather.com

came the 5 inches of rain

in just

a few hours

and the floods

and no one could drive their car on the roads

and basements flooded

and you might

have to kayak

through your neighborhood

to get home

20140811floodingTITLE

and i will tell them

that this

has not happened here

since 1925

before i was alive

and not to worry

the worst will be over soon

and

i hope they believe me

as we head into autumn

in the beautiful midwest

and

i am

crossing my fingers

that

there will be

no earthquakes

or

volcanic eruptions

or

a series of rogue sheep attacks

sheep running

and i wonder

if they

are beginning

to doubt my word

———

one person’s disaster is another person’s talking point.
henry rollins

—

image credits: infographicality.com, news net.com, sallyreed.com, nyt.com, acuweather.com, oc115.com, kwana.com

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74 responses »

  1. Bwahahaha! Sounds like Ohio rolled out the welcome mat for them. Love the story and the pics (esp the ridden sheep and the giraffes) Beth – too funny to start the day! Thank you.

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  20. You know that this all happened, which is incredible that it did while they were here for just such a short time, Beth! How could you know?!! By golly, you made promises, there would be no more of these things, and then another one came along! I was laughing so hard at this! You wrote it just perfectly, you added the funniest pictures, too! Hope and cross your fingers for a normal Fall in Toledo, Ohio for your niece and her family, too! Smiles, Robin

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  22. What, no plagues, raining frogs and grasshopper swarms? Hardly a blip on the radar beth. :-) I’m sure they’ll be heading back to flagstaff at the end of the two years.

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  23. it is called climate change…and it resulted from our mistreatment of and lack of reverence for animals–that’s the great secret that needs to be addressed rather than — politicized at which time animals are as marginalized as ever and suffer as usual which leads to human suffering as a result…this is a terrific entry, beth! you are the best!

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  24. Oh, Beth, all these awful things are nobody’s fault, of course, and quite traumatic for those who’ve lived there forever and the newbies. So sorry here from Syracuse. Yikes abound. But if I may lighten the mood, akin to your bobcat comment, which I shall cherish forever … The next time a first like this occurs, I think you may tell her: It’s not me, it’s you!

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  25. Bad things happen when you count sheep too often. LOL Oh my, I love the giraffe sticking up out of the snow. Too funny. The weather has been crazy, that’s for sure. Can I ask about your tribute? You gave me a bad moment, when I worried that tribute was for Robin of WitlessDating. I assume it’s not her, but another Robin. Or was it Ajay? I feel pretty stupid, but I just don’t know.

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  30. One might be tempted to blame your niece. Has someone already suggested that? Are you in Ohio? I’m an ex-Buckeye and just returned from a visit to the mother ship. Fun fact: my sister-in-law is a news broadcaster on the ABC affiliate in Toledo.

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  33. I cannot even tell you how much I love this post. You have made my day. In NC at my favorite place, my mother’s lake house, we have had floods,midges,mayflies,heat, algae and sewer spills. You’ve inspired me to write about the fun of it all. I’ve been there and haven’t posted all summer so I needed a kick to get re-energized. Thanks.

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