somehow, once again, i found myself trapped and wandering through the rat maze that is ikea, and with my incredible lack of anything even resembling a vague sense of direction, it took on a whole new level.
it’s definitely an extreme sports experience in itself, and after following the trail around and around, and eating a horse meat-laced meatball or two, and collecting lots of odd colorful plastic springsprongthingamajigs and blonde wood-ish items, i was left wondering what they were and what were meant to do.
i chose the items i did simply because they looked cool and really no other reason. and the fact that i felt like i had to get something so that i would be allowed to find my way out again. now that the olympic committee has dumped some of it’s current sports events, i’m considering proposing this whole experience to them for their consideration as an indoor winter sport. maybe a better match for the x-games though?
along the way, i swear i saw people nervously look over their shoulders and skitter through what looked like secret shortcuts and potential passageways out, only to never return. possible slides right to the checkout line or the parking lot?
whew – i need a swedish cocktail, if only i could figure out if that glass thing i put in my giant blue plastic bag was meant to be used as a cup or oil change pan?
skoal!!!!!!
Worry compounds the futility of being trapped on a dead-end street. Thinking opens new avenues.
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I didn't have my glasses on.... 
lol…even assembling those things is some sort of indoor sports :)
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@harsha – so true!
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Love this. I still have not visited an Ikea, although they send me their catalogs. So much cool stuff I didn’t know I needed!
I agree with @harsha26 that the assembly of said items would make a fantastic Olympic event. I think the teams should all be husbands and wives, just to make the commentary more interesting.
I share your bad sense of direction — I am GPS-dependent. I’m wondering if one of those GPS key chains would help me get back to my car?
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@kate – wow, the return to the mammoth parking lot and car finding experience is a whole other part of it )
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Happily anticipating the parking lot story.
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I have never went to an Ikea store. I am not one to buy things for the house. My house is too cluttered as is with the kids home. The store I love and can stay in for hours is Super Walmart! It is my whole family’s favorite store. We can get everything from toiletries to dog supplies to electronics to food. We have been known to spend hours at a time and buying way more than we should. We will be going tomorrow night while on vacation to get supplies for the week. Hopefully we will come out within hours and have some money left!
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@ea – i know, those big stores can really suck you and your wallet right in, good luck to all of you )
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IKEA is a time-and-wallet f**k. I’m going there next week. I’ll think of you, Beth. :)
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@andra – enjoy the adventure, and if i don’t see a post from you next week, i’ll come in after you and get you out!
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I have got stuck in Ikea myself. It’s a bit like being caught in some weird tidal stream which is very hard to escape from. That was my experience anyway. The store was packed and it took forever to find the specialist tooth picks or whatever I was looking for. I only went the once
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@counting – that is an excellent description of it. i think i ended up with a purple grape peeler, some kind of rack for holding something, and lots of other festive stuff. i must be a glutton for punishment or just an adventure lover, because i keep going back every so often, somehow expecting different results )
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I love how they have little maps but they don’t really even help. That place is a danger zone for being confused and buying unnecessary items.
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yes, they should put that in their ads adrian )
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I loved this. I have yet to visit Ikea but you have painted a brilliantly vivid picture of what I can look forward to. Very funny.
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@tric – well you have to go at least once, just for the crazy adventure of it all, be prepared to arrive home with a magenta banana holder and some other interesting items. glad you enjoyed it ) beth
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I have to catch you, then. :D
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@bels – thank you so much, that was very kind of you )
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I can’t believe Ikea hasn’t made it’s way to Wisconsin yet. The closest one is Chicago and I haven’t ventured to it yet. Is there one in Ann Arbor or did you have to travel too?
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@motherhood – i’m sure it’s only a matter of time for wisconsin. the closest ones for me used to be in canada or chicago. a couple of years ago, one opened not too far away from me in canton, mi, about a 20 minute drive, so it’s quite close. during the grand opening, people camped out for days in line in anticipation. they had to issue a ‘no camping before a week prior to opening.’
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Ha ha ha ha!!! :-)
I’ve always said I felt like a gerbil in a maze at Ikea! Loved this post!!
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thanks denise, my fellow ikea rodent sister )
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Now I am totally planning an Ikea scavenger hunt for teammates and myself! Great post…
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great idea, that is the perfect crazy location for a fun-filled scavenger hunt.
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I’m dreading my trip to Ikea. My daughter wants to go to buy stuff for her apartment. This post makes me scared of my endeavor ( smile)
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go and enjoy every moment, do not be afraid, you are guaranteed to laugh at least 7times )
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Hi Beth, this post is funnnnnyyyy! As I’m reading through it, my mind kept racing back to the ONE time I visited Ikea and and my frustrating attempts to get out the store. I can’t even remember what I bought:-)
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@fingerprint – exactly! and thanks )
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You need some Akvavit!
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@kris – that and some valium? put it on the rocks and call it a swedish fish?
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That should do it!
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I have been to Ikea, and you nailed it right on the head. The funny thing is, it is a deviously planned rat maze where I am the rat and I must travel right past the things my wife will most likely impulse-buy.
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@auto – and therein lies the game )
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Hhee I must admit, i cant wait for Ikea to open their stores in India. I am one of those compulsive furniture and knick knack hoarders and your post reminds me of that. I loved the picture Beth.
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@thumbelina – then you will love every minute of it! this place was absolutely made for you! can’t wait to see what treasures you emerge with. thanks )
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Hilarious! Loved this post. :-)
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Thanks )
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