‘There’s a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water?’ – M. Night Shyamalan

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my daughter and her aussie family, having decided to take on an easy pet, went the “cute little guinea pigs” route. my grandsons enjoyed playing with them, they were cuddly, and loved to run around in the yard, (grandkids and pigs, both). living in the southern hemisphere, and with a very warm climate, it was not unusual and worked out well for everyone.

until one day, when it got just too hot for them, and the little guys, (the pigs, not the grand babies), decided to make a run for it and head for a cooler location, under the house. they haven’t really seen them since, (the pigs not the babies). i suggested to my daughter that she send the littlest guy, (baby, not pig), under the house on a hunting expedition, with a headlamp and a net. he is the only one who would fit under there, has a huge love of hands-on adventure, and would probably find the mission quite exciting. 

my daughter and i discussed the possibilities if they didn’t find them:

‘are they vegetarians?’ 

‘oh they won’t go hungry, they can eat as much grass as they like out there and always be full.’ 

‘but isn’t everything massive there, you have super races of every animal, who have adapted and are highly developed survivors?’

‘what if they run out of grass? what if they have to eat a bug or something to survive?’

‘yeh, once they have a taste for blood, they could go after bigger things. the neighbor’s cat, a kangaroo, and even us.’

‘we could come home one day and find them to be giants, roaming the yard, looking menacing, making eye-contact with us and hungry!’

‘yes.’

‘it would be like a bad b-movie, with us as the running, shrieking victims.’

‘could you possibly videotape it for me and i could make a fun family movie out of it?’

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soon after, i noticed that she had put up an offer to local friends on Facebook – “looking for a good home for cute guinea pigs, our yard will just not accommodate them since we’ve moved.” following is a very real part of that exchange:

a: Are they child friendly??

 h:  Not really lap guineas, need more handling. I have a leash and everything but don’t think they are quite there yet.

j:  be warned everyone !! they are the guinea pigs from hell !!! they would be perfect extras as pets for the dudes of Sons of Anarchy !!!

 apparently, people have different perspectives about them, clearly divided between those who’ve met them, and those who haven’t. but really, leashes?!

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You can’t create a monster, then whine when it stomps on a few buildings. Yeardley Smith (voice of lisa simpson)

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image credits: freeamigurumipatterns, news.bbc.co.uktheguardian.com 

 

 

57 responses »

  1. I love your images today, Beth. Of the little one crawling under the house with a miner light at a net (the grand, not the pig). Of GPigZilla (the pig, not the grands). Of a yard with half-eaten grass (by the pigs, not the grands). A leash to try to control the situation (the pigs, not the grands). Love this post.

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  2. Coming to a theatre near you (more likely straight to video), Hamsters under the House! You thought they were cute and cuddly until they developed and penchant for blood…DuDuDah!
    Haha. This one kills me! Love it.

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  3. MTM’s friend Miguel spent a lot of time at breakfast talking about how much he hated pets. Unfortunately for his kids, they live in Spain, not Australia, and when the pets escaped, it was always over the balcony railing to fall four stories to their deaths. Your story redeemed the day for me, Beth.

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  4. I hope if the baby goes under the house he can see they are quite fine. Not sure if you can catch those darn critters! We loved the way our guinea pigs squealed when we opened the fridge! They thought there was unlimited amounts of veggies in there! Hope that no monsters develop nor that their ‘rodent’ side becomes a problem! Funny post, Beth!

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  5. I had rabbits as a 4H project as a kid. Never really had dreams about monster rabbits, but I do have a rabbit in my current novel that turns into a rabbit-man monster. You may be onto an interesting new trend with this pet-zilla idea.

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  6. We had a couple of guinea pigs growing up. We thought it would be fun for them to get some exercise, so we let them outside on the grass. They totally took off for the closest bushes at top speed and were never seen or heard again, despite our best efforts to locate them. Was living with us really so bad? Where they chirping “FREEDOM!!!!” to each other in their best Braveheart voices? Who knows. But too bad we didn’t have leashes. 😉

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  7. I can’t believe they let the guinea pigs run loose in the yard! I remember having them as a kid and would only let it play in my room. Now that I actually think about the fact I had a rodent running around my bedroom, pooping when I scared it, I’m kind of grossed out.

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  8. you crack me up 🙂 we had guinea pigs, we went away for a weekend – left them plenty of food, but we had a huge thunderstorm…and well one died from the shock…my girls were heartbroken. We kept them in a large hutch with a staircase up to their lounge – apart from pooping everywhere – they were cuddly and the girls loved them…leashes for them…erm…no 🙂 x

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  9. Too funny, Beth. We just got two female guinea pigs for our boys for Christmas. WE’d had them 2 days when one of them escaped in the kitchen and hid under our counters for 2 days until we caught her with, I kid you not, the old fashioned shoe box with a pencil trap. It’s about all the pet I can handle though!

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  10. Hello! I have 3 guinea pigs. They each have a different “personality”, but are probably the safest and easiest pet for kids alongside gerbils and rats. I know so much about them, no really!!, and I recommend people rescue them from their local animal shelter, spca ect…they’re perfect little creatures. =)

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  11. I bred guinea pigs while in middle and high school. Well, I kept guinea pigs; they did the breeding on their own. Mostly it was the one boar who just could not be restrained by things like putting him in a separate cage, with a perforated-steel cover, with an encyclopedia on top, on the far side of the room, and the sows several feet off the ground and with covered tanks of their own. He just kept on trying. There’s probably a life lesson in there, although it implies being an unstoppable guinea pig happy to have children with your daughter, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter, which is just a bunch of ew.

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