my daughter and her aussie family, having decided to take on an easy pet, went the “cute little guinea pigs” route. my grandsons enjoyed playing with them, they were cuddly, and loved to run around in the yard, (grandkids and pigs, both). living in the southern hemisphere, and with a very warm climate, it was not unusual and worked out well for everyone.

until one day, when it got just too hot for them, and the little guys, (the pigs, not the grand babies), decided to make a run for it and head for a cooler location, under the house. they haven’t really seen them since, (the pigs not the babies). i suggested to my daughter that she send the littlest guy, (baby, not pig), under the house on a hunting expedition, with a headlamp and a net. he is the only one who would fit under there, has a huge love of hands-on adventure, and would probably find the mission quite exciting. 

my daughter and i discussed the possibilities if they didn’t find them:

‘are they vegetarians?’ 

‘oh they won’t go hungry, they can eat as much grass as they like out there and always be full.’ 

‘but isn’t everything massive there, you have super races of every animal, who have adapted and are highly developed survivors?’

‘what if they run out of grass? what if they have to eat a bug or something to survive?’

‘yeh, once they have a taste for blood, they could go after bigger things. the neighbor’s cat, a kangaroo, and even us.’

‘we could come home one day and find them to be giants, roaming the yard, looking menacing, making eye-contact with us and hungry!’

‘yes.’

‘it would be like a bad b-movie, with us as the running, shrieking victims.’

‘could you possibly videotape it for me and i could make a fun family movie out of it?’

soon after, i noticed that she had put up an offer to local friends on Facebook – “looking for a good home for cute guinea pigs, our yard will just not accommodate them since we’ve moved.” following is a very real part of that exchange:

a: Are they child friendly??

 h:  Not really lap guineas, need more handling. I have a leash and everything but don’t think they are quite there yet.

j:  be warned everyone !! they are the guinea pigs from hell !!! they would be perfect extras as pets for the dudes of Sons of Anarchy !!!

 apparently, people have different perspectives about them, clearly divided between those who’ve met them, and those who haven’t. but really, leashes?!

You can’t create a monster, then whine when it stomps on a few buildings. Yeardley Smith (voice of lisa simpson)

image credits: freeamigurumipatterns, news.bbc.co.uk, theguardian.com