less not more.


i wish this option was available.

after noticing that my bill had made a huge monthly rate leap

it was time for yet another wacky interaction with my cable provider

the rep was very friendly as he told me

that my old rate was purely promotional

 it had expired without notice

and was no longer available

i then told him that in that case

i’d like to cut back on my service

to restore it to a more reasonable (yet still crazy) rate

he offered to get right to work for me

to find a happy solution to my problem

after thanking me often

during my 37 minutes of insane hold music

my rep came up with my new rate

 i laughed out loud when he quoted me a price

that was actually higher than the one

i was calling about when we began

 he quickly and politely explained

that he had provided me with their premier package

adding in home security, a landline, voice controls,

and i think something to do with walking my cat

(none of which i requested)

 he also told me that he had used

their new state of the art billing service

(why it took so long)

which is very finely tuned

to review my bill and only charge me

based on the channels and services i use

offering me the best possible deal available

i reminded him that i had actually called

to eliminate channels and extra services

and to pay less not more

he politely went back to work on my issue

after a lot more hold music

i eliminated my useless channels and services

declining the best deal in the universe

even after he warned me i would be giving up things such as:

the rodeo clown channel, the quilting channel, and the watching paint dry live channel

i held my ground

and finally

in a twist of fate and luck and cable math

i somehow ended up back at

the special no longer available promotional rate

that i had requested to return to when we started .

“the real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.”

-b. f. skinner 




image credit: gadgetpage.info

99 responses »

  1. NO, NO, NO ! You can’t, just can’t, get rid of the watching paint dry live channel, the best Reality TV Show EVER ! You’ll regret it Beth. Don’t do it ! 😱😱😭😭😢😢🤗

    Liked by 4 people

  2. cut cable off three years ago this April.. so that bit taken care of. But I do realize I can’t do that with every bit of consumerist inanity thrown my way: just need to wade through these kafkaesque waters with wit and grit I guess.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh, my gosh. I had that conversation not long ago. Try explaining to Comcast that you shouldn’t have to pay for their grand package when you don’t even own a television. Incomprehension doesn’t begin to capture the response. Good for you for making it through!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I once tried to call Comcast on my cell phone, but was told that they had to send my secure log information via my Comcast phone…which I don’t have….which they told me I am paying for….I’m on blood pressure meds now.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. At least they did finally work with you on it. Ours goes up twice a year between 10 and 20% each time. We’ve gone in person and spent hours on hold, and they always say that it’s not their rate going up, it’s the taxes. 40 extra dollars in taxes. Twice a year. But I have to have HGTV and Food Network and Hallmark Channel or I would die LOL. At least you don’t have to deal with it for another year!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This easily won you my renewed respect and a giggle for getting what you wanted; and at your terms!!!! I haven‘t and don‘t need TV, what I want, really want to see I find on YT, DVDs, at the cinema and although I‘m just back from a short vacation (during which I was housebound all the time) I never even thought once to put the TVs on – and there were two…. GOOD ON YOU Beth

    Liked by 2 people

  7. we got rid of nearly everything and cut our bill in half. then, to get the tennis channel we had to add back everything else and then some and sure enough our bill went down again. their modern software is a random number generator. love the paint drying channel— so zen

    Liked by 2 people

  8. You are brilliant, Beth — and also hilarious. I think you speak for millions of Americans with this post. (Myself included, although my call finally concluded with canceling the service altogether. “That’s your choice, ma’am,” said the rep. That company will never get me back, no matter how many fridge magnets they send me.)

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Some entrepreneur should start a ‘negotiate-with-cable-companies’ business on behalf of us consumers. I would gladly pay someone to represent me to go through this farce which you so well described. Even if I have to pay a fee equal to, or moderately more, than the amount of savings negotiated, it would be worth the time and hassle avoided!

    Liked by 4 people

  10. Ugh! These systems are so ridiculous. Every time my dad’s bill goes off, he just tells them to shut down his entire service. He honestly doesn’t care. Then they always give him a great deal after that.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. We just went through this. We made the move to streaming. We purchased Philo at $17 a month. When I. Allied back to cancel my cable, I was sent to retention who magically came up with new packages for me. Alas, I explained it was too late. The time for retention was the day I called to complain about the increase.

    I am thrilled with the time added back to my life by not watching so much mindless tv.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Who hasn’t been driven to near insanity by any of the cable companies!
    We switched to Hulu when we moved to here in VA. It cut our cable bill in half. This is not a promo for hulu, just an example of what alternatives we may have if we’re ever aware of them. There are other alternatives, too. But, I still miss the “good old days” of 4-6 channels of shows that were actually entertaining.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. That is is, you just have to be firm with them….. they want to keep you and do anything to please you. Well done. I am sure you are gutted not to have the “paint dry live channel”.
    I wanted to get rid of Sky which was in my ex husbands name and they just did not let me leave, so I asked my son to to phone, they do have the same name, and even he had problems. Only after he said he will be omitting suicide tomorrow they ended the contract and gave him the number of the Samaritans. He is living happily ever after, and he did me a great favour. I don’t actually watch TV only very occasionally at Christmas, people just cannot believe that I rather read or make crafts.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I finally got so frustrated with this annual song and dance that I pulled the plug! It is so freeing. I got a Firestick, Netflix and now Hulu is free through my Spotify subscription. The one show I decided I could live without I purchase through Amazon. Now I watch very little TV and listen to more podcast and music. After the initial shock, I do not miss TV.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. I love this so much more than I can say 😀

    It is amazing how calling up a TV provider can make you nearly (or actually) lose your mind. We finally just canceled our service entirely for the very reasons you mentioned and then some.

    All that talking with nothing being said….yikes! When will they get a clue? 🙂

    Thanks for this post. It was great! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  16. We cut the cable almost two years ago when they refused to lower the price of the “bundle”. Like you, we didn’t watch more than a few channels and the ones we really wanted required subscribing to a bigger, more expensive package. We signed up with streaming service Sling and are happy. No gimmicks there! We still have the internet service through the cable company and have kept the landline, because without it, the internet-only bill would be even more. I would never go back to cable tv!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. A humorous post, and I loved the retro ad … too bad the “absolutely harmless to humans” Flashmatic Tuner couldn’t have been used to lessen your time spent listening to the hold music. At least the CS rep came back with the right cable math formula.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s