Tag Archives: customer service

Oct12

stamped.

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  a notice recently arrived 

telling me the stamps i’d ordered online

 from the post office this past summer

were finally arriving in my mailbox

it had been so long

 i’d forgotten about them

told me what day they’d be delivered 

then they weren’t there

even though

they were marked as ‘delivered’ online.

they were not there all week

went to the post office

i have the nicest mailman in the world

but wanted to see if they could find them

woman at the desk

said i had to request a refund on their website

after navigating through

using the tracking code

filling in all the blanks 

it responded

“not eligible for refund as it was not insured.”

read it a couple of times

wait, wasn’t it coming from them to me?

weren’t they the post office, the ones who i was buying them from?

weren’t they supposed to deliver them to me?

wasn’t that their one job?

my mailman said he’ll check all the boxes nearby 

but i fear they are lost in the abyss.

next time i’ll ask them to please insure their own product before trying to send it to me using their services.  

—

“and then she had to fill out so many forms she forgot why she had come and what she had left behind.”

-amy tan

Aug25

no mo’ venmo.

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vs.

coming up on the 4-month mark

of an ongoing battle with venmo

can’t even begin to tell the story in short form

 truly the perfect storm of events.

after talking, live chatting, and e-mailing

landon, santiago, elizabeth, miguel, ren, sacha, and abby

i won’t say which low-budget model above

most resembles me in the match

but i will say there is no doubt i am winning.

p.s.

i wonder if team venmo is posting a blog today

with our pictures

saying there is no doubt they are winning.

—

“i don’t like customer service because i don’t believe the customer should have to pay and help out too.”

-jarod kintz

 

Mar21

less not more.

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i wish this option was available.

—

after noticing that my bill had made a huge monthly rate leap

it was time for yet another wacky interaction with my cable provider

the rep was very friendly as he told me

that my old rate was purely promotional

 it had expired without notice

and was no longer available

i then told him that in that case

i’d like to cut back on my service

to restore it to a more reasonable (yet still crazy) rate

he offered to get right to work for me

to find a happy solution to my problem

after thanking me often

during my 37 minutes of insane hold music

my rep came up with my new rate

 i laughed out loud when he quoted me a price

that was actually higher than the one

i was calling about when we began

 he quickly and politely explained

that he had provided me with their premier package

adding in home security, a landline, voice controls,

and i think something to do with walking my cat

(none of which i requested)

 he also told me that he had used

their new state of the art billing service

(why it took so long)

which is very finely tuned

to review my bill and only charge me

based on the channels and services i use

offering me the best possible deal available

i reminded him that i had actually called

to eliminate channels and extra services

and to pay less not more

he politely went back to work on my issue

after a lot more hold music

i eliminated my useless channels and services

declining the best deal in the universe

even after he warned me i would be giving up things such as:

the rodeo clown channel, the quilting channel, and the watching paint dry live channel

i held my ground

and finally

in a twist of fate and luck and cable math

i somehow ended up back at

the special no longer available promotional rate

that i had requested to return to when we started .

—

“the real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.”

-b. f. skinner 

 

 

 

—

image credit: gadgetpage.info

Mar29

“i’m hoping this matter will not involve my eagerness to help you.”- joel

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and yet another encounter with a customer service rep 

this was the rest of our live chat conversation

once joel and i reached an impasse with no solution:

Joel: Still with me?
Me: yes
Joel: Will there be anything else I can assist you with?
Me: no, thank you anyway
Joel: I’m hoping that this matter will not involve my eagerness to help you.
Joel: Hope you had a great rest of your day.

(somehow i really had hoped that joel would have involved his eagerness to help me…)

—
“patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen

in a different order

than the one you have in mind.”

― david g. allen

Feb23

copper, clay, and complaint.

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yyi3n5icrop
Among the artifacts at the British Museum in London is this ancient Babylonian customer service complaint that was inscribed on a clay tablet sometime around 1750 B.C. The complaint is regarding problems with two shipments of copper ore, as the museum notes in their description:

Clay tablet; letter from Nanni to Ea-nasir complaining that the wrong grade of copper ore has been delivered after a gulf voyage and about misdirection and delay of a further delivery; slightly damaged.

A full translation from the book Letters from Mesopotamia by Assyriologist A. Leo Oppenheim has provided a view into the customer’s complaint.  Turns out Nanni was pretty angry:

Tell Ea-nasir: Nanni sends the following message:

When you came, you said to me as follows : “I will give Gimil-Sin (when he comes) fine quality copper ingots.” You left then but you did not do what you promised me. You put ingots which were not good before my messenger (Sit-Sin) and said: “If you want to take them, take them; if you do not want to take them, go away!”

What do you take me for, that you treat somebody like me with such contempt? I have sent as messengers gentlemen like ourselves to collect the bag with my money (deposited with you) but you have treated me with contempt by sending them back to me empty-handed several times, and that through enemy territory. Is there anyone among the merchants who trade with Telmun who has treated me in this way? You alone treat my messenger with contempt! On account of that one (trifling) mina of silver which I owe(?) you, you feel free to speak in such a way, while I have given to the palace on your behalf 1,080 pounds of copper, and umi-abum has likewise given 1,080 pounds of copper, apart from what we both have had written on a sealed tablet to be kept in the temple of Samas.

How have you treated me for that copper? You have withheld my money bag from me in enemy territory; it is now up to you to restore (my money) to me in full.

Take cognizance that (from now on) I will not accept here any copper from you that is not of fine quality. I shall (from now on) select and take the ingots individually in my own yard, and I shall exercise against you my right of rejection because you have treated me with contempt.

—

“if you make the customer a promise, make sure you deliver it.”

-merv griffin
—

credits: british museum, laughing squid, e. lynch, reddit

Dec27

last days.

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“your modem has seen its last days.”

these are the words

that two different

comcast/xfinity customer service phone helper elves

uttered to me

when i read them the 267 digits and a couple of random letters

imprinted on the back of my modem

and described

what it was/was not doing

is this grim prognosis part of the script?

we then went through

a series of modem exercises

as a last ditch effort

to try to revive it

all were hit or miss

all to no avail

until it was confirmed

at last

that it had indeed

passed on

so

 we scheduled an appointment

to have an elf come and remove the old one

to replace it with

a new, younger and more glamorous model

though we had no history

and i feared it would never be the same.

—

“technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.”

-aldous huxley

Aug5

bagels.

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imagine my surprise

when i went into a tim horton’s

to

order a dozen bagels

of a random variety

and

after the counter person put them into a bag for me

a random worker

from the drive-through section

stormed up

yelling out

“my customer wants a plain bagel and that’s the last one!”

and proceeded to try to reach into my bag to retrieve it.

all i could say was

“hey, those are the bagels that i just bought!”

and

she stopped

with her hand in mid-air

and

looked around

at all of us

standing in front of the counter

and

went back to the drive-through

without another word

and

without another plain bagel

and

i wondered if that had really just happened.

yes, yes it had.

—
“i’ve said this before, and i say it again.

bagels can be an enormous power for good or for evil.

it is up to us to decide how we will use them.”

-daniel pinkwater

Feb22

any news?

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IMG_4706

i’m at war

with my

newspaper delivery service

and

the person

who delivers it

that i never see.

even when he is bad

throws it in a puddle on my driveway

on the hell strip near the street

somewhere in my garden

i appreciate him

and his delivery service.

i never complain

and

always tip him

no matter what.

i love the newspaper

love to hold it in my hands

take my time reading it.

cut things out of it

share stories.

it’s now only delivered 3 days a week

but recently

for some reason

it comes sporadically.

for 3 weeks it was missing on thursdays

then i got 2 copies on the next thursday

but it was missing on that friday

then on a sunday

the three delivery days are:

thursday, friday, sunday.

i always call

looking for it

they always credit me

but what i really want

is to just have it delivered

for those 3 days.

they are always kind

they never can figure out

the reason for the inconsistency.

it’s the same paper guy.

my house has never moved.

it’s the same 3 day schedule it’s been for 2 years.

every day

the sun still

comes up in the morning

and

sets in the evening.

is there something i’m missing?

just wondering.

—

i’d  just like to be treated like a regular customer.

– elvis presley

Oct19

crossed wires.

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cool-latest-new-best-gadgets-monkeybrains-30mbps-internet-connection-speed-493x370

my morning spent chatting live with rahul at comcast online:

• Rahul > Hello Beth_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Rahul. Please give me one moment to review your information.

• Beth_ > My Issue: i cannot sign in to pay my bill using my usual user id and password. please advise.

• Rahul > Hi Beth , how are you doing today?

• Rahul > As I understand you need help with log in information to the Comcast account to pay the bill, am I correct?

• Beth_ > yes

• Rahul > Alright.

• Rahul > I can definitely help you with log in information request.

• Rahul > I understand online account management is most convenient and safe mode to pay bills.

• Beth_ > thank you

• Rahul > You are welcome.

• Rahul > For account security, can I ask you few questions?

• Beth_ > yes

• Rahul > Thank You!

• Rahul > Can I know username with which you are trying to log in ?

• Beth_ > my usual email

• Rahul > Thank you for this detail.

• Rahul > Can I have last 4 digits of your social security number?

• Beth_ > ****

• Rahul > Thank you for that information.

• Rahul > While I search your account details, Let me tell you about our Xfinity GO app, You can watch thousands of XFINITY On Demand TV shows and movies anytime, anywhere, with XFINITY TV Go.

• Rahul > Thank you for being on hold.

• Rahul > Beth, as I have checked username associated with the Comcast account is : ====

• Rahul > I see you have Digital Voice service. In order to protect your account information online, We need to call you at (**********) and this would be way for verification. Once this is completed I will be able to reset your password. May I know are you available on your Comcast number?

• Beth_ > i’m just trying to pay my bill and i’ve always used my email with ‘*****’ as a password up until today

• Rahul > Thank you for specifying that.

• Rahul > I understand that you were able to log in with the third party email address, but now, the policy has been changed in order to secure all customers account.

• Rahul > In order to access your Comcast account, you need to log in with the Comcast user name.

• Rahul > May I know are you available on your Comcast number?

• Beth_ > okay. so do i use ‘****’ then and use ‘*****’ as my password?

• Beth_ > i’m available on my cell **********

• Rahul > Thank you for specifying that.

• Rahul > Beth, I apologize but we are only authorized to call on Comcast assigned home phone number.

• Rahul > Is there anyone else available at Comcast home phone number to take the verification call on your behalf?

• Beth_ > i do not have a home phone though i have been assigned a number by comcast. all i want to do is pay my bill. i really don’t want all this hassle. i may have to change providers so that it can be an easier process for me to give them my money.

• Rahul > I understand your concern.

• Rahul > Beth, I can assist you with the process of payment on the chat.

• Beth_ > and i won’t be able to pay online unless i add a home phone to go with that number you assigned me years ago for a phone i’ve never had?

• Rahul > Beth , as an alternate verification, we also require a 4 digit pin to complete the verification process.

• Beth_ > to verify that i am a customer and have been for years?

• Rahul > I can send you the pin via US postal services, you will receive the pin with in 2-4 working days, once you have the pin you can initiate a chat and with the help of pin we will be able to assist you with the Comcast account.

• Beth_ > all this just to pay my bill? to give you my money?

• Rahul > Beth, as you have Comcast phone services associated with the account, we need either to call on Comcast assigned home phone number or verify the security pin, without completing verification process the system will not allow to reset the password.

• Rahul > Beth, I have send you the pin via US postal services.

• Beth_ > so…if i don’t pay my bill, i’m assuming someone from comcast will be able to contact me on my cell phone number that i have provided you, instead of the nonexistent home phone for which i have a phantom comcast phone number or online through my comcast account? and it will be taken care of at that time, as they would want me to pay my bill?

• Rahul > Beth, I understand your concern.

• Rahul > I apologize for the inconvenience caused, but as per the FCC policy we will not be able to reset the password without the call on Comcast assigned home phone number or verifying the security pin.

• Rahul > However, I can assist you with the process of payment on the chat.

• Beth_ > i will await the call from comcast on my phantom phone and pay my bill at that time. does the fact that we are chatting on my comcast internet service to solve the comcast identity riddle, support the fact that i am indeed, a customer, and who i say i am? i’m really not trying to buy secret hbo streaming service on someone else’s account, i’m trying to give you money, as you have asked me to do as part of my cable contract.

• Rahul > Would you like to make the payment on the chat ?

• Beth_ > i will await my call on the phantom phone and if it rings i will be surprised as it does not exist, but would happily pay my bill. thank you for your time and service.

—

gâchis (French) – a good opportunity wasted by staggering levels of incompetence (from multiple sources) evidenced in its implementation.