Category Archives: humor

climbing out of the rabbit hole.

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follow-up and resolution to yesterday’s post-

after a long spiral down the rabbit hole

in a journey to procure

a throw pillow and a rug

purely on a whim

that i didn’t really need

i went to sleep.

when i woke to a new day

i headed over to pick up my goods

determined to make it work

when i arrived at the store

 shared why i was there

we, as a group

the only three employees and i

discovered that:

my pillow order had been cancelled and refunded

as they were never able to locate it in the store

next up:

they seemed genuinely stumped

when i showed them

the ‘your rug is ready for pickup’  e-mail

sent to me by their company

they each asked my name

looked at my confirmation

typed the order number in their computers

muttered some stuff

looked at each other quizically

and off they all went on the hunt

each in a different direction

when they returned

it was determined that

no one could find it

they discussed it again

one finally looked up and said-

‘oh, i remember finding it last night and putting in the pickup area!’

who knew?

i was not going to leave that store without my rug

so i actively began helping them find it

(do they only carry one of each item?)

they were all looking for a rolled up rug

but i found it folded on shelf instead

in –

‘the pickup area!’

so lucky i am a hobby detective

(even though i have a strong startle response)

with my refund for the pillow they never found

and the discount i battled with ai online to get

my rug ended up extremely well priced

making it even more of a treasure

 last night

i laid on my new rug

without a new festive throw pillow nearby

proud of my crack detective work

exhausted and amused by the crazy process

tomorrow –

who knows what will happen

when i go to the post office and the movies?!!

 

“the only way out of a hole is to climb out.”

-cherly strayed, american author, wild

 

 

 

 

 

image credit: psyschology today

land shark.

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land shark!

here i thought they were only legends

saw them knocking on doors

way back in the day on saturday night live

have never crossed paths with one

until now

hopefully just passing through.

‘there’s a cardinal rule that you don’t talk about sharks. if you don’t see it, it’s not there.’

-mark warkentin, all-american open-water swimmer/coach

 

 

 

saturday. night live, 1975, nbc

when you can’t find your hundred or so cars.

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rolling sculpture car show 
walked downtown to have lunch with my daughter and granddaughter
noticing a few cool cars
were slowly coming into town and parking on main street
interesting to see the mix
some new, some old, some not sure what they were
we guessed that more cars would arrive later for the show
imagine my surprise as i walked a different route home
just one street over
to see cars lined up as far as  the eye could see on both sides
ah, there they are
right behind us
 nothing gets by me
just another reason
why i chose to be a teacher
rather than a professional witness, detective, or spy.
‘i know a lot about cars, man. i can look at any car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.’
-mitch hedberg

when opportunity does not knock.

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not my house or cats, but i get them.

when you are having

a private informal window of opportunity urgent under the radar ad hoc committee meeting

there is a quorum 

someone opens the closed door and peers in

odds are incredibly high

this is the same person

who is the subject of the meeting. 

“you can’t knock on opportunity’s door and not be ready. “

-bruno mars

 

 

 

image credit: google images

abstract mess.

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 getting ready in the morning

i made a quick decision

to throw one light piece of laundry

down the stairs

rather than carry the extra three ounces

down seven stairs to my washing machine

tucked away in a little closet

such a brilliantly lazy choice

i instantly realized my mistake

when it caught on a piece of art

hanging along the stairway

ripping it off the wall

sending it reeling

into another wall

creating a divot

the art tile on the wood

cracking in two

the nail lost deep in the carpeting

went down the seven stairs

now easy

with three ounces less

than i would have had to carry

stepping over it all

walked into my kitchen

flipping on the light

 which answered me with a sudden ‘pop!’

a lightbulb had chosen that moment to blow out

i took in the spectacle of it all

sat down with a cup of coffee, a piece of chocolate, and a bit of music

another day had begun.

‘i think you have to let go of this idea that you can be precious about everything,

and let it be the abstract mess that it is.’

-ryan reynolds

sunny spirit.

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i love their sense of humor about this

despite the entire town

being under construction

enduring random outages

having traffic-related ‘disturbances’

their coffee place is open

 still standing

 it’s up to you

to creatively find your way there

the coffee is damn good and worth the odyssey.

“humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. the minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield,

all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.”

-mark twain

 

 

 

image credit: roos roast coffee

 

 

when bobby calls.

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so mad i missed his call

i really wanted to answer and ask him,

“you talkin’ to me??!”

 

 

“no, i don’t regret anything at this point.

that may change on the next phone call,

but at the moment i don’t regret anything.”

-william shatner

‘with a doughnut in each hand, anything is possible.’ – jameela jamil

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it’s a big decision, take your time.

national donut day is celebrated on the first friday of june. established by the salvation army in 1938 to honor the “donut lassies” — women who served donuts (originally a European delicacy) to hungry american soldiers duringWW I. once they returned home, american soldiers longed for the donuts they had overseas. they grew increasingly popular in the u.s., and americans have been loving donuts ever since.

“do-not touch my donut.”

-me 

 

 

 

 

image credit: washtenaw dairy

just peachy.

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a look back, it’s that time of year again, and some things never change –

how to clean your entire kitchen while trying to prepare a 1-minute healthy and guilt-free breakfast

1. since peaches are not quite in season yet, take a bag of frozen peaches out of freezer to defrost in fridge, go to sleep dreaming of healthy breakfast smoothie

2.  take peaches out of fridge on the next day to chop up and create delicious and guilt-free smoothie

3. notice the fridge shelf below bag is a bit sticky

4. notice the bag has leaked (even though it’s unopened), while defrosting

5. take everything off of sticky shelf

6. notice peach juice has leaked to the back of the shelf and hardened into a solid gel

7. take out giant sticky shelf and place in sink

8. turn on hot water to melt off hardened peach juice gel

9. notice peach juice has dripped down into fridge drawers below where the shelf was

10. take out drawers

11. say a few things back to fridge that is now incessantly beeping due to door being ajar too long

12. feel my feet getting wet and turn back to sink

13. notice hot water running on shelf placed in sink is somehow flowing over it and onto counter and beyond

14. notice water has also flowed into junk drawer and cupboards below counter while on its way to the floor

15. slide on floor as i turn off water, pull out junk drawer, empty it, throw away things that are waterlogged

16. empty cupboards below, dry out everything, grab beach towels to clean up floor

17. turn back to fridge, still beeping, notice bottom of fridge has peach juice on it also, now that drawers have been removed

18. get more towels, empty entire fridge, wash and dry everything, replace shelves and drawers and contents, wash and dry floor

16. cut open peach bag, notice the peaches are now dried out due to lack of juice. put them in a bowl. add whipped cream. back to healthy eating plan tomorrow.

17. notice one ant milling around, sensing a dot of sticky peach nectar somewhere.

cuckoo.

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when we walked into a store

filled with nothing but cuckoo clocks

i really had to wonder

how long would it take before this made the workers a bit cuckoo?

who has to reset them all and keep them running?

do they dream of the little birds popping out, and little people dancing in a circle?

do they hear the sounds every 15 minutes even when not working?

do they use their employee discount to buy clocks for their homes?

do they have any long term employees?

do they give you a cuckoo clock when you retire?

 

‘since both of its  national products, snow and chocolate, melt,

the cuckoo clock was invented

solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.’

-alan coren