d

once again, i’ve stumbled into a bureaucratic rabbit hole:

in short, i filled out a ‘healthy incentives’ survey in order to qualify for the most cost effective program offered by my health insurance provider.  somehow it all went wrong at *step 1.

1. *i filled out the survey 
2. felt happy that i had completed a horribly tedious piece of paperwork and based upon the results, would easily qualify for the program
3. got a letter from blue cross
4. letter said they never received my survey and i was now automatically enrolled in the higher cost plan
5. i called them (where things got worse)
6. music i was subjected to while on hold during the experience: smooth jazz, easy listening, elevator cover music
7. departments i spoke with/was on hold with/opted into with my keyboard pounding : customer service, non-compliance, nursing, engagement center, health resource coordination center
8. lots of 800 and 888 numbers and extensions involved
9. conversations along the way: 

  ‘ who gave you this number?’

‘the letter you sent me listed it as the one to call.’

‘who told you to call us?’

‘you did.’

‘can we call you back?’

‘no.’

‘our department doesn’t handle this kind of thing.’

‘i really have no idea who deals with this.’

10. after lots of transferring action, holds, disconnects, etc. – more conversation:

‘i can see the form you filled out online, and it does look like you qualified for the healthy incentives option, but you never pushed the button at the end to get your official score.’

‘so, you do see that i’ve filled it out?’

‘yes.’

‘and it shows i am healthy and do actually qualify?’

‘yes.’

‘but because i didn’t push the button it doesn’t count?’

‘yes.’

‘yes, it counts?’

‘no. yes, it does not count.’

‘what can i do about it?’

‘well it is after the deadline now.’

‘what can i do about it?’

‘i guess file a complaint.’

‘will i be paying the higher rate in the meantime?’

and – after 1 hour and 47 minutes, my favorite and final response:

‘i would definitely not be able to answer that.’

(i believe that if i was to fill out the survey again after this, i may not qualify as ‘healthy’ due to a rise in my blood pressure and an elevated heart rate. though of course this is just a guess, because there is definitely no one who would be able to answer that.)