so mad i missed his call
i really wanted to answer and ask him,
“you talkin’ to me??!”
—
“no, i don’t regret anything at this point.
that may change on the next phone call,
but at the moment i don’t regret anything.”
-william shatner
Jun8
Tag Archives: humor
Jun7
‘with a doughnut in each hand, anything is possible.’ – jameela jamil
it’s a big decision, take your time.
—
national donut day is celebrated on the first friday of june. established by the salvation army in 1938 to honor the “donut lassies” — women who served donuts (originally a European delicacy) to hungry american soldiers duringWW I. once they returned home, american soldiers longed for the donuts they had overseas. they grew increasingly popular in the u.s., and americans have been loving donuts ever since.
—
“do-not touch my donut.”
-me
—
image credit: washtenaw dairy
Jun4
just peachy.
a look back, it’s that time of year again, and some things never change –
how to clean your entire kitchen while trying to prepare a 1-minute healthy and guilt-free breakfast
1. since peaches are not quite in season yet, take a bag of frozen peaches out of freezer to defrost in fridge, go to sleep dreaming of healthy breakfast smoothie
2. take peaches out of fridge on the next day to chop up and create delicious and guilt-free smoothie
3. notice the fridge shelf below bag is a bit sticky
4. notice the bag has leaked (even though it’s unopened), while defrosting
5. take everything off of sticky shelf
6. notice peach juice has leaked to the back of the shelf and hardened into a solid gel
7. take out giant sticky shelf and place in sink
8. turn on hot water to melt off hardened peach juice gel
9. notice peach juice has dripped down into fridge drawers below where the shelf was
10. take out drawers
11. say a few things back to fridge that is now incessantly beeping due to door being ajar too long
12. feel my feet getting wet and turn back to sink
13. notice hot water running on shelf placed in sink is somehow flowing over it and onto counter and beyond
14. notice water has also flowed into junk drawer and cupboards below counter while on its way to the floor
15. slide on floor as i turn off water, pull out junk drawer, empty it, throw away things that are waterlogged
16. empty cupboards below, dry out everything, grab beach towels to clean up floor
17. turn back to fridge, still beeping, notice bottom of fridge has peach juice on it also, now that drawers have been removed
18. get more towels, empty entire fridge, wash and dry everything, replace shelves and drawers and contents, wash and dry floor
16. cut open peach bag, notice the peaches are now dried out due to lack of juice. put them in a bowl. add whipped cream. back to healthy eating plan tomorrow.
17. notice one ant milling around, sensing a dot of sticky peach nectar somewhere.
Jun3
warning?
warning when visiting the farm.
—
“how is it possible to expect that mankind will take advice when they will not so much as take a warning?’
jonathan swift-
May26
just his luck.
while ringing up my groceries at a self-checkout machine
another register finally opened up
a friendly store employee waved over
the gentleman who had been waiting behind me in line
directing him to the machine
but at the last second
he balked
saying that he wanted to wait for register #2
to become open
as that was his lucky register.
he turned with his cart
went back in line
and waited.
—
once again
i have questions.
why does he feel that one is lucky?
is he thinking that he is in a casino?
what kind of luck can one have at a check out register?
did he get cash back, a deal, freebies, extra coupons, better bags, spend less?
why don’t i have a lucky register?
—
“luck is believing you’re lucky.”
-tennessee williams
—
photo credit: google images
May22
cuckoo.
when we walked into a store
filled with nothing but cuckoo clocks
i really had to wonder
how long would it take before this made the workers a bit cuckoo?
who has to reset them all and keep them running?
do they dream of the little birds popping out, and little people dancing in a circle?
do they hear the sounds every 15 minutes even when not working?
do they use their employee discount to buy clocks for their homes?
do they have any long term employees?
do they give you a cuckoo clock when you retire?
—
‘since both of its national products, snow and chocolate, melt,
the cuckoo clock was invented
solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.’
-alan coren
May8
everything is funny.
if you want to smile
possibly even laugh out loud
spend 40 seconds
watching the clip below
i dare you not to guffaw.
https://x.com/buitengebieden/status/1787924727052251191
—
‘everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to someone else.’
-will rogers
May7
unexpected places.
just curious
when waking up in the morning
at my friend’s house
why there was a large frying pan
on the bottom shelf of the nightstand
next to where i had been sleeping?
was this a hint that i was expected to chef our breakfast?
was this a self-defense weapon to use as needed?
had someone forgotten where they set down their pan?
had someone gone on a late-night eating in bed food bender?
when i inquired, one answered:
‘oh, is that the one that is usually hanging in the closet?’
what, there’s one usually hanging in the closet?
another answered:
‘what frying pan?’
host woke up and said,
‘ i was going to give that one away.’
oh, of course.
that’s the perfect place to leave it to remember to give it away.
i loved waking up with a surprise, a mystery, and a smile.
(and there really was an even larger frying pan hanging in the hall closet.)
‘
—
“there are almost unlimited possibilities for making discoveries and to uncover the unknown.
it is in the nature of the discovery that it can not be planned or programmed.
-on the contrary, it consists of surprises and appears many times in the most unexpected places.”
-bengt i. samuelsson
Apr4
your words.
when you’ve just settled in for the night
and someone calls asking you to go out
you roll your eyes, you sigh
then have a couple of ways to turn down the offer,
one leaves the caller with a better feeling about you than the other:
option#1
“i don’t feel like going out tonight.”
lazy
unoriginal
puts the blame on you
option#2
“for now, my place is here.”
surprising
philosophical
you answer to a higher power
—
choose your words wisely.
—
“facts matter not at all. perception is everything. it’s certainty.”
-stephen colbert
—
credits: franklin springboro library, take a hike photography
Mar27
let us read.
reasons why that reader is frowning:
1.they just read the book they put off for 393,348 years and it’s excellent, why didn’t they read it sooner?
2. they are in a fight with their to be read pile and it is winning.
3. someone just said, “why don’t you read the books you have before getting more?”
4. all of the above.
5, ?
—
“let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.”
~ voltaire, born in 1694.
—
credits: good living, paper fury
I didn't have my glasses on.... 