what do you do when you need a pair of scissors
so you buy a pair of scissors
but you need scissors to cut them out of the package that holds the scissors that will cut them out?
—
“humor brings insight and tolerance. irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.”
-agnes repplier
yo!
rainbow
hello
don’t go!
—
an original, in honor of bad poetry day
which i just missed
but now
it’s very nearly national poets day
and before too long will be national poetry day.
and so
see below.
—
Hard on the heels of Bad Poetry Day on August 18
Comes National Poets Day on August 21
Presumably we celebrate good poets for this day.
Although Poets Day could certainly refer to any poets, good or bad.
It could even mean you! If you’re a poet …
So on August 21, celebrate the poet in you. Or in your friend. Or your favorite poet. It’s all up to you.
This day is different from yet another day celebrating poets and poems: National Poetry Day in October.
every august 16th it’s national tell a joke day
not my best holiday
i’m a horrible joke-teller
i’m more of a story-teller
a whole other skill set
all i’ve ever been able to remember
is my one go-to joke
(and even this is iffy, as i often add part of the answer into the question part of the joke)
“what animal loves summer the best?”
“a hot dog!”
(i learned this years ago when my daughter was in a kindergarten talent show and did stand-up comedy)
she got an amazing response perhaps because she was a brave kinder doing stand up and the audience ate it up
i decided it would be my standing joke from that moment on
sure to get a laugh
though when i tell it, in whatever convoluted manner it manages to be delivered
i generally either hear groans or silence from any audience of any age or any number
so i guess the joke’s on me.
“i’m gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.”
-mitch hedberg
—
credits: “hot dog” by doug salati (caldecott award winner), penguin random house, google images
this lamp popped up online
bringing me great joy
making me laugh out loud
each and every time i’ve looked at it
i may have to buy it
or at least put a picture of it somewhere
there is no accounting for good taste
when you know, you know.
p.s. someone once said i reminded them of a cheeky monkey, and i loved it, perhaps i saw a bit of myself in this.
do you have an unusual object that brings you unexplained joy?
—
“i just want to spend the rest of my life laughing.”
-author unknown
i went shopping
for two very different gifts
the first
a bit of fancy lingerie for a soon to be bride to be
the second
a book about animal art for my granddaughter’s soon to be birthday
all went well at the first shop, i found a beautiful gift
at the second shop, i found the perfect book
but when i looked down
i noticed that the lingerie has spilled out of my bag
right onto the floor
smack dab in the center of the little indy bookstore
i casually picked it up without too much fuss
laughing to myself
but when i tried to put it back in the bag
i discovered that the bag had torn
which led to it falling out in the first place
when next trying to quickly stuff it in the bag
it kept getting worse
falling to the ground a couple more times
so i finally
had to scoop the whole mess up in my arms
and clutch it to my body
carrying it to the register to buy the book
leaving one arm free to pay
no one said a word
but they did offer me a small chocolate and a smile as i left.
—
“i left the room with silent dignity, but caught my foot in the mat.”
-george grossman
MENTAL FLOSS TRIVIA:
62% of fathers have embarrassed their children by doing this.
What is it?
ANSWER: Walking in front of their children’s friends in just their underwear
—
“to an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”
-dave berry
—
photo credit: pinterest
when coming home
not only did i find the pinata’s footprint
but also the foot.
this has all the makings of an organized hit
it’s a working crime scene at the moment.
—
Jefe : I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises.
El Guapo : Many pinatas?
Jefe : Oh yes, many!
El Guapo : Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe : A what?
El Guapo : A *plethora*.
Jefe : Oh yes, you have a plethora.
-From the 1986 film, The Three Amigos:
the photo on the left illustrates my reaction
when running into someone that i’ve met before
and its awkward because i cannot, for the life of me
remember their name
and i just have to say
“great to see you again’
and if i ever have to introduce them to someone else
i just have to introduce the person with me instead
hoping they’ll pick up the cue and respond with their own name.
for 3 years i called one of my old neighbors ‘phil’
until another neighbor said
“i don’t know who you’re talking about, do you mean, al?”
“yes, as a matter of fact, i think i do.”
—
my new perfect word of the day –
‘tartle’ (verb, scots)
(to hesitate while introducing or meeting someone because you have forgotten their name)
waiting for the kids again and yet again
his day jobs
are driving the fire truck and acting in movies
but when the weekend comes
he’s manning the wheel of the minivan
doing errands and chauffeuring the pups around
to all their social events and games
just like every other dalmation.
—
“i’m the one with the spots.”
-anonymous dalmatian author
I didn't have my glasses on.... 