Tag Archives: humor

Aug2

climbing out of the rabbit hole.

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follow-up and resolution to yesterday’s post-

after a long spiral down the rabbit hole

in a journey to procure

a throw pillow and a rug

purely on a whim

that i didn’t really need

i went to sleep.

–

when i woke to a new day

i headed over to pick up my goods

determined to make it work

when i arrived at the store

 shared why i was there

we, as a group

the only three employees and i

discovered that:

my pillow order had been cancelled and refunded

as they were never able to locate it in the store

next up:

they seemed genuinely stumped

when i showed them

the ‘your rug is ready for pickup’  e-mail

sent to me by their company

they each asked my name

looked at my confirmation

typed the order number in their computers

muttered some stuff

looked at each other quizically

and off they all went on the hunt

each in a different direction

when they returned

it was determined that

no one could find it

they discussed it again

one finally looked up and said-

‘oh, i remember finding it last night and putting in the pickup area!’

who knew?

i was not going to leave that store without my rug

so i actively began helping them find it

(do they only carry one of each item?)

they were all looking for a rolled up rug

but i found it folded on shelf instead

in –

‘the pickup area!’

so lucky i am a hobby detective

(even though i have a strong startle response)

with my refund for the pillow they never found

and the discount i battled with ai online to get

my rug ended up extremely well priced

making it even more of a treasure

 last night

i laid on my new rug

without a new festive throw pillow nearby

proud of my crack detective work

exhausted and amused by the crazy process

tomorrow –

who knows what will happen

when i go to the post office and the movies?!!

 

—

“the only way out of a hole is to climb out.”

-cherly strayed, american author, wild

 

 

 

 

 

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image credit: psyschology today

Aug1

soft landing.

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you know how you start out doing one thing

and it leads to another

and another

and yet another

soon you realize you’ve tumbled right down

into the rabbit hole?

that was me yesterday

i’ll try to recount the steps in the order they fell –

—

sitting on my couch drinking a cup of morning coffee 

reading and responding to blogs

i looked over at a pillow on my couch

i remembered buying it, loved it’s design

now it looked faded

thought i’d try washing the cover to see if it had any hope

checked online to see if there were any similar that i could purchase 

went onto a site for a store that has designs i love

scrolled through all of the pillows and found a few i liked

finally chose one

when i went to order it

a note popped up

saying members only ‘20% off today  – last day,’

i went to officially sign in, it refused my password, saying it had expired

went through the new password process, they sent and email authorization to me

went back in and took a couple of tries to change and save my password

went back in again, now as a ‘member’ , found the pillow, put it in my cart

went to order it and it asked for the code for the discount

went back a few steps, found the code

found the pillow again and put it in my cart again

said it needed me to update my address, as my zip code didn’t match, different since i’ve moved

changed the address info

said discount only applied if ordered online and picked up in store

fine by me, the store is close by

changed the shipping method

finally ordered and said they’d email me when ready for pickup.

went out and did errands and stopped by store to pickup.

manager told me it wasn’t ready yet, but i was welcome to try to find it in the store,

buy it, and then they would cancel my online order

i searched the whole store and found many, many pillows, except for the one i ordered.

she told me they’d let me know when it was found and ready.

on my way out, i saw a rug that i loved, another item i’ve been wanting to replace.

ordered it online from my car in their parking lot to get the ‘member deal’ and drove home.

an hour later, i got the email that my rug was ready for pickup, but no word on the earlier order of the pilow.

decided to climb out of the rabbit hole for the day and wait until i hear that they are both ready to be picked up.

my how it so easy to fall in –

today is a new day

hoping for a soft landing on my pillow on my rug.

—

“all too often, the rabbit hole is as deep as you have dug it.”

-gary hopkins, author

 

 

 

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image credit: publishers weekly

 

Jul31

does costco know something?

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 costco’s readywise emergency kit has people worried 

While there’s plenty to love at Costco, like the salad kits, sheet cakes, and mini oreo cheesecakes, it has also been prone to some food controversy in the past, including the massive chocolate chunk cookies that were hurting people’s stomachs. Now Costco is stirring up emotions again with its new monster dinner kits that have customers worried the retailer is warning us the apocalypse may be coming.

Costco recently released the Readywise Emergency Food Supply Bucket, which features 150 servings of various food choices. Costco’s website lists the servings as “80 servings of hearty entrées & sides, 30 servings for nourishing breakfasts, and an additional 40 drink servings.”

For $80, this massive meal kit includes 12 servings each of pasta Alfredo, cheesy macaroni, brown sugar and maple multi-grain, apple cinnamon cereal, and 10 servings of white rice. You’ll also find 6 servings each of teriyaki rice, creamy pasta and vegetables, potato pot pie, tomato basil soup with pasta, chicken noodle soup, and crunchy granola. There are also 16 servings of vanilla pudding and orange drink mix, plus 24 servings of whey milk alternative.

The bucket has a 25-year shelf life thanks to being made with freeze-dried and dehydrated foods. You also only need to add water to eat or drink the items. Costco’s website explains that ease of preparation “isn’t just about simplicity; it’s about maintaining a sense of normalcy when the world around you might feel anything but normal.” Naturally, many wondered what this warehouse retailer was trying to get at.

One Instagram user posted about this latest Costco find, calling it the “Costco Apocalypse Dinner Kit,” commenters quickly added their thoughts. One commenter asked, “Does Costco know something?” Someone else added, “If the apocalypse comes, where are you getting fresh water to prepare these dried meals?”

—

‘in ‘Shaun of the Dead,’ it’s not shaun’s fault that there’s a zombie apocalypse – he just has to get through the day.’ -edgar wright

 

 

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source credits: costco, all recipes, carissa chesanek

Jul27

mischief maker.

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perfect branding.

what could possibly go wrong?

—

“the opportunity for doing mischief is found a hundred times a day, and of doing good once in a year.”

-voltaire

 

 

—

stoney cabin toyshop, elk rapids, mi, usa

Jul19

land shark.

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.

land shark!

here i thought they were only legends

saw them knocking on doors

way back in the day on saturday night live

have never crossed paths with one

until now

hopefully just passing through.

‘there’s a cardinal rule that you don’t talk about sharks. if you don’t see it, it’s not there.’

-mark warkentin, all-american open-water swimmer/coach

 

 

 

—

saturday. night live, 1975, nbc

Jul16

when you can’t find your hundred or so cars.

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rolling sculpture car show 
walked downtown to have lunch with my daughter and granddaughter
noticing a few cool cars
were slowly coming into town and parking on main street
interesting to see the mix
some new, some old, some not sure what they were
we guessed that more cars would arrive later for the show
imagine my surprise as i walked a different route home
just one street over
to see cars lined up as far as  the eye could see on both sides
ah, there they are
right behind us
 nothing gets by me
just another reason
why i chose to be a teacher
rather than a professional witness, detective, or spy.
—
‘i know a lot about cars, man. i can look at any car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.’
-mitch hedberg

Jul10

burnt toast.

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this book dedication popped up in my feed, and i’d love to know the story.

—

‘remember, behind every great person is a cat ignoring them’.

-author unknown

 

Jun15

when opportunity does not knock.

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not my house or cats, but i get them.

—

when you are having

a private informal window of opportunity urgent under the radar ad hoc committee meeting

there is a quorum 

someone opens the closed door and peers in

odds are incredibly high

this is the same person

who is the subject of the meeting. 

—

“you can’t knock on opportunity’s door and not be ready. “

-bruno mars

 

 

 

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image credit: google images

Jun14

abstract mess.

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 getting ready in the morning

i made a quick decision

to throw one light piece of laundry

down the stairs

rather than carry the extra three ounces

down seven stairs to my washing machine

tucked away in a little closet

such a brilliantly lazy choice

i instantly realized my mistake

when it caught on a piece of art

hanging along the stairway

ripping it off the wall

sending it reeling

into another wall

creating a divot

the art tile on the wood

cracking in two

the nail lost deep in the carpeting

went down the seven stairs

now easy

with three ounces less

than i would have had to carry

stepping over it all

walked into my kitchen

flipping on the light

 which answered me with a sudden ‘pop!’

a lightbulb had chosen that moment to blow out

i took in the spectacle of it all

sat down with a cup of coffee, a piece of chocolate, and a bit of music

another day had begun.

—

‘i think you have to let go of this idea that you can be precious about everything,

and let it be the abstract mess that it is.’

-ryan reynolds

Jun13

sunny spirit.

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i love their sense of humor about this

despite the entire town

being under construction

enduring random outages

having traffic-related ‘disturbances’

their coffee place is open

 still standing

 it’s up to you

to creatively find your way there

the coffee is damn good and worth the odyssey.

—

“humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. the minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield,

all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.”

-mark twain

 

 

 

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image credit: roos roast coffee