Tag Archives: emotions

falling.

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forsythia bright in my quarantine kitchen

 blossoms have begun to fall

everything is temporary.

 

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” – pema chodron

who’s the boss?

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I find it simply impossible

to sit through

one single episode of

‘undercover boss’

without tears rolling down my face

or to watch 

one rerun of

‘the office’

without laughing out loud. 

my daughters have said

that most of my own stories

end with me

either crying or laughing.

apparently 

my heart is the real boss of me. 

 

“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss

that’s always trying to teach people things.

Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”

(Season 2, Episode 11) The Office – Michael Scott (Steve Carrell)

 

 

 

 

image credit: nbc tv/comedy central – the office

from the heart.

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walking up to the register

i saw the cashier

a bit of an awkward, gawky type

with kind eyes and a worried face

who didn’t appear to have a lot of self-confidence

having just finished with a customer

he was ready to deal with my order.

his head was down

  i said hello

he looked at me and said

“that last customer told me to smile.

he has no idea how hard it is for me

how hard it is to be here right now

no idea what im dealing with

what i’m going through

how it’s a miracle i’m even here

it would be really hard for anyone

 i have to be here until midnight

this is just the beginning of my shift.”

as he quietly told me this

tears began to slowly roll down his face

 he grabbed a box of tissues to wipe them away

all the while continuing to check me out.

 we bagged my things together

as he went on –

“they told me to hold in my emotions

but i think its okay to show them

what’s wrong with that, i think it’s a good thing?”

when he finished with my order

his manager came over

with a compassionate and not angry face

without a word

took over his register

i thanked him for helping me

 agreed that it’s certainly okay to feel and express things

 told him that i hope things will get better

 he walked off in silence and punched out

i hope that he takes a long break

 goes home for the day

 whatever he needs

 has someone waiting for him who will support him

i don’t think he wanted an answer from me

just wanted me to listen

to acknowledge his humanity

his struggles, his emotions

 tell him that it was okay for him to feel and express them

i hope he is back when i stop in for my weekly grocery shop.

i hope that things are better.

“tears come from the heart and not from the brain.”

-leonardo da vinci

heal.

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i saw this incredibly moving canadian film the other day

‘monsieur lazhar’

released a few years back

nominated for a

foreign film academy award

it was

 about a teacher 

and

the

humanity 

of

love

joy

loss

grief

pain

guilt

anger

connection

forgiveness

strength

acceptance

and

finally,

hope.

amazing

how one person

can come into another’s  life

and

lead them

 on a road

towards healing

by

beginning to

heal themselves.

after i watched the final scene

sat in silence

for a long time after.

“what happens when people open their hearts?”
“they get better.”
― haruki murakami,

credit:
music-box-films-logo

‘Good things happen when you meet strangers.’ – Yo-Yo Ma

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it was going to be a sad trip home. i was on via rail, and had boarded in the beautiful city of ottawa, heading back to my home in the states. i’d been to visit my canadian boyfriend, we’d been together 2 years, and had decided to go our separate ways. it was going to be a 13 hour train ride, and i just wanted a chance to think and drift in silence. i sat by myself, purposely, planning to listen to music and not do much else.

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as we were about to leave the station, a man sat down in the seat right next to me. he looked a bit world-weary, and had on a well-worn leather jacket, that looked much like his lived-in face. he introduced himself, had a very deep and gruff voice, and my first thought was, ‘oh no, i really, really don’t feel like talking to anyone, and this is going to be a really, really long trip.’

after a bit of polite banter, we sat, in silence once again, next to each other, and watched the landscape roll by. as i looked out, i began to think about everything, and a tear rolled silently down my face. i knew it was the right thing that had happened, that my boyfriend and i were not meant to be together, but also, how much i would miss him being a part of my life, even if we were in two different countries.

when he saw this, my stranger on the train reached into his jacket and pulled out a flask, and offered to share his whiskey with me. and  he began to tell me his story. he had been on this trip that he was so excited about, but was returning to his hometown a very sad man. he had gone to ask his girlfriend to marry him, had the ring and the speech and the flowers, and she had answered him, ‘no.’

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hours went by as we shared his whiskey and shared our stories. after a while, i began to stop feeling sad for myself, and took on a sadness for him and what he had just been through. we talked and talked, and found that we didn’t have many things in common, other than wounded hearts and our love of people. after a long while, i fell asleep and he continued to sit near me, ever the vigilant soldier, protective, and somehow connected by a break of the heart. i slept for a long while, and woke up to an amazing act of kindness.

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i discovered that he had taken off his beloved coat and covered me with it, had put a granola bar in my hand,  and put the engagement ring on my finger. when i looked at him, wondering why, he told that he worried i would wake up cold, be hungry, or feel unloved. he wanted to make sure that none of that happened.

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he said i had made him feel so much better, just by being there and listening, and that he hoped that i knew someone cared, even if it was a stranger. i told him that i was overwhelmed by his kind heart, that he had helped me in the same way, and as i gave him back his coat and his ring, i wished him the same. when we got to the final station, we hugged and went our separate ways once again. my friends were standing there, waiting to take me home. i told them how i had been engaged for a few hours, not to my boyfriend, but to a stranger i had met on the train. he may never know how much this meant to me, but somehow, i think he does.

Great perils have this beauty, that they bring to light the fraternity of strangers.  – Victor Hugo