each of us has experienced, at one time or another, a certain level of impatience while waiting to break in, or fall in, to our chosen life’s work. some are better at expressing this than others, and my niece, finn, is one of them.
Jun14
Monthly Archives: June 2013
Jun13
ever play candyland with godzilla?
the entire metropolis of candyland was wiped out today in one swipe from a massive paw belonging to a force greater than anyone could control, baby action jackson. one plastic gingerbread guy was seen slipping out just in time via gumdrop pass.
Jun12
i’ll huff and i’ll puff and i’ll bulldoze your house down!
recently, after much debate and financial and political wrangling, the city demolished some of the old houses at the far end of main street in an attempt to create ‘a blight-free zone, a welcoming gateway to our city.’
this project and the demo crew doing the work were met with mixed reactions:
– a rotary club member stopped to applaud them and told them it was gratifying to see them going down. it was becoming ‘his kind of neighborhood.’
– 3 homeless people shared their memories of squatting in the houses with the crew.
“I used to sleep in the one on the end. It was called the Dirty Squat,” said a man who identified himself only as Pig Pen, a self-described train hopper and hitchhiker. He said they sleep out in the woods now, but at different points each of them stayed in the houses being demolished.
“That was the one I stayed in last year,” said a man who goes by the name Pooh, pointing to another of the houses. “I met my fiancee and we stayed in that one for two weeks.”
Karma, a local who was with Pig Pen and Pooh, said she had a bad incident occur in one of the houses and she’s not sad to see that one go, but she lamented the loss of the rest.
“My personal opinion is they should really keep these,” she said. “If they’re condemned and about to collapse like the one on the end is, yeah, probably tear them down. But if they’re perfectly good and could be fixed up to live in, they should donate it to the city.”
Karma said it seems like the options for homeless people who prefer not to stay at the homeless shelters are becoming fewer.
“I don’t know what they’re doing right now, but it seems like they’re trying to clean up the whole town and they’re clearing people out from underneath the bridges, all the parks, and they’re getting rid of every place for the people who have no place to go,” she said. “It’s a problem.”
the mayor and police chief could not immediately be reached for comment. luckily pigpen, pooh and karma, were available for comment.
Where thou art, that is home.
Jun10
double secret vote taken to disallow double secret vote taking?
in the frequently stunning public arena known as politics, the following scenario recently played out at a local city council meeting :
3 members of the city council abstained from voting on a measure that would have prevented them from abstaining on future votes. 1 city council member had proposed a resolution that would have required each member to only vote yes or no on each issue. the mayor and 2 council members abstained. the resolution failed. i have chosen to abstain from stating my opinion on this matter.
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Remember that it is not enough to abstain from lying by word of mouth; for the worst lies are often conveyed by a false look, smile, or act. |
Jun8
one of those lazy, crazy, mazey days of summer
somehow, once again, i found myself trapped and wandering through the rat maze that is ikea, and with my incredible lack of anything even resembling a vague sense of direction, it took on a whole new level.
it’s definitely an extreme sports experience in itself, and after following the trail around and around, and eating a horse meat-laced meatball or two, and collecting lots of odd colorful plastic springsprongthingamajigs and blonde wood-ish items, i was left wondering what they were and what were meant to do.
i chose the items i did simply because they looked cool and really no other reason. and the fact that i felt like i had to get something so that i would be allowed to find my way out again. now that the olympic committee has dumped some of it’s current sports events, i’m considering proposing this whole experience to them for their consideration as an indoor winter sport. maybe a better match for the x-games though?
along the way, i swear i saw people nervously look over their shoulders and skitter through what looked like secret shortcuts and potential passageways out, only to never return. possible slides right to the checkout line or the parking lot?
whew – i need a swedish cocktail, if only i could figure out if that glass thing i put in my giant blue plastic bag was meant to be used as a cup or oil change pan?
skoal!!!!!!
Worry compounds the futility of being trapped on a dead-end street. Thinking opens new avenues.
Jun6
life in the key of z
another walk down the hall with my kindergarten class.
another answer to a question much bigger than i ever imagined.
‘hey z, what does that key around your neck open?’
‘it opens everything in the world,’ says z.
Jun3
i am now the ‘janet jackson’ of the kindergarten world
nothing like the feeling of wearing my spring dress and strappy sandals to school. ha – winter be damned, i was floating on air – swingy, breezy, light, summery! found out halfway through the day, at recess, that not only was my dress light as a cloud, it was also completely see-through. i only found out at that point because a fellow teacher described exactly what i was wearing under my dress while i was wearing it, and happily chatting away with her in the sun. thought back on all the places i’d been that day – beginning with a stroll past the administration at our faculty breakfast, greeting our children at the curb as they were dropped off for the day, a saunter past many parents in the hallways, a walk to another building on campus and a meeting with human resources, dropping off the kids at specials’ classes all over the school, lunch with 2 classes, and on and on. well, at least it makes me feel better about the day i wore my shirt inside out all day as i completed errands all over town. not so bad in comparison and it really puts things in perspective – i am now beginning to better understand how janet may have felt after her wardrobe malfunction at the super bowl. i wonder if we’ll have a dress code next year?
Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
Jun2
i didn’t know sheep could fly
as we waited at the gate for our plane, i was amazed by the new ‘system’ in place. i couldn’t quite get a handle on it at first, didn’t know exactly where to sit, where to line up, when, etc.
this is how the gate agent explained it to me. ‘we’ll call you by your letter and you stand in a single file line by the pole that has your number on it that goes with your letter that we’ll call and then we’ll call you by letter and number together and and we’ll know you by that. there are approximately 100 small strips of spaces with seats with numbers.’ being the black sheep that i am, i waited until the last possible second to get into line in my assigned number/letter place, and was met with gate agent glares. i think some of the other sheep may have been upset with me too.
People, like sheep, tend to follow a leader – occasionally in the right direction.
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep, one must above all be a sheep oneself.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Jun1
things i learned in my kindergarten classroom today #3
as we walked down the hall and he pointed into a classroom, v said to me, ‘i had a girlfriend eve, who is in that big kids’ kindergarten room, and she is 6, one year older, but now she has a new boyfriend, and so i got a new girlfriend, who is 5 like me, and is right in our own room.’ (well played v, and for some reason, the only word that came to my mind was, ‘cougar.’)
I didn't have my glasses on.... 