Category Archives: humor

‘with a doughnut in each hand, anything is possible.’ – jameela jamil

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it’s a big decision, take your time.

national donut day is celebrated on the first friday of june. established by the salvation army in 1938 to honor the “donut lassies” — women who served donuts (originally a European delicacy) to hungry american soldiers duringWW I. once they returned home, american soldiers longed for the donuts they had overseas. they grew increasingly popular in the u.s., and americans have been loving donuts ever since.

“do-not touch my donut.”

-me 

 

 

 

 

image credit: washtenaw dairy

just peachy.

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a look back, it’s that time of year again, and some things never change –

how to clean your entire kitchen while trying to prepare a 1-minute healthy and guilt-free breakfast

1. since peaches are not quite in season yet, take a bag of frozen peaches out of freezer to defrost in fridge, go to sleep dreaming of healthy breakfast smoothie

2.  take peaches out of fridge on the next day to chop up and create delicious and guilt-free smoothie

3. notice the fridge shelf below bag is a bit sticky

4. notice the bag has leaked (even though it’s unopened), while defrosting

5. take everything off of sticky shelf

6. notice peach juice has leaked to the back of the shelf and hardened into a solid gel

7. take out giant sticky shelf and place in sink

8. turn on hot water to melt off hardened peach juice gel

9. notice peach juice has dripped down into fridge drawers below where the shelf was

10. take out drawers

11. say a few things back to fridge that is now incessantly beeping due to door being ajar too long

12. feel my feet getting wet and turn back to sink

13. notice hot water running on shelf placed in sink is somehow flowing over it and onto counter and beyond

14. notice water has also flowed into junk drawer and cupboards below counter while on its way to the floor

15. slide on floor as i turn off water, pull out junk drawer, empty it, throw away things that are waterlogged

16. empty cupboards below, dry out everything, grab beach towels to clean up floor

17. turn back to fridge, still beeping, notice bottom of fridge has peach juice on it also, now that drawers have been removed

18. get more towels, empty entire fridge, wash and dry everything, replace shelves and drawers and contents, wash and dry floor

16. cut open peach bag, notice the peaches are now dried out due to lack of juice. put them in a bowl. add whipped cream. back to healthy eating plan tomorrow.

17. notice one ant milling around, sensing a dot of sticky peach nectar somewhere.

cuckoo.

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when we walked into a store

filled with nothing but cuckoo clocks

i really had to wonder

how long would it take before this made the workers a bit cuckoo?

who has to reset them all and keep them running?

do they dream of the little birds popping out, and little people dancing in a circle?

do they hear the sounds every 15 minutes even when not working?

do they use their employee discount to buy clocks for their homes?

do they have any long term employees?

do they give you a cuckoo clock when you retire?

 

‘since both of its  national products, snow and chocolate, melt,

the cuckoo clock was invented

solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.’

-alan coren

everything is funny.

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if you want to smile

possibly even laugh out loud

spend 40 seconds

 watching the clip below

i dare you not to guffaw.

https://x.com/buitengebieden/status/1787924727052251191

 

‘everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to someone else.’

-will rogers

unexpected places.

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just curious

when waking up in the morning

at my friend’s house

why there was a large frying pan

on the bottom shelf of the nightstand

next to where i had been sleeping?

was this a hint that i was expected to chef our breakfast?

was this a self-defense weapon to use as needed?

had someone forgotten where they set down their pan?

had someone gone on a late-night eating in bed food bender?

when i inquired, one answered:

‘oh, is that the one that is usually hanging in the closet?’

what, there’s one usually hanging in the closet?

another answered:

‘what frying pan?’

host woke up and said,

‘ i was going to give that one away.’

oh, of course.

that’s the perfect place to leave it to remember to give it away.

 i loved waking up with a surprise, a mystery, and a smile.

(and there really was an even larger frying pan hanging in the hall closet.)

“there are almost unlimited possibilities for making discoveries and to uncover the unknown.

it is in the nature of the discovery that it can not be planned or programmed.

-on the contrary, it consists of surprises and appears many times in the most unexpected places.”

-bengt i. samuelsson

your words.

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when you’ve just settled in for the night

and someone calls asking you to go out

you roll your eyes, you sigh

 then have a couple of ways to turn down the offer,

one leaves the caller with a better feeling about you than the other:

 

option#1

“i don’t feel like going out tonight.”

lazy

unoriginal

puts the blame on you

 

option#2

“for now, my place is here.”

surprising

philosophical

you answer to a higher power

choose your words wisely.

 

“facts matter not at all. perception is everything. it’s certainty.”

-stephen colbert

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

credits: franklin springboro library, take a hike photography

 

 

 

let us read.

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reasons why that reader is frowning:

1.they just read the book they put off for 393,348  years and it’s excellent, why didn’t they read it sooner?

2. they are in a fight with their to be read pile and it is winning.

3. someone just said, “why don’t you read the books you have before getting more?”

4. all of the above.

5, ?

“let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.”

~  voltaire, born in 1694.

 

 

credits: good living, paper fury

 

don’t lose your head.

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really didn’t think anything of

carrying a pinata head in my passenger seat

to take to a friend’s birthday celebration

until

parking and grabbing a gift out of my car

the person in the car next to me

gave me the oddest look

after seeing my pinata head just sitting there

(a pinata true crime scene?)

i realize

this is probably not something that most people do 

but to me

this is just a part of a celebration

and i do.

“if one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.”

-betty white

 

so annoying!

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a found list of annoyances above

i really love these so much

i really love that someone wrote them down

i am not annoyed by found lists

a few things i am annoyed with:

-mosquitoes

 

-cold coffee

 

-wet wool touching me

 

-trying to undo an old roll of tape that tears into tiny strips

 

-most technology when it refuses to work correctly

even if 97% of the time it is due to something i am doing or not doing

 

-yodelers, unless i am in the alps.

 

what are some of your annoyances?

 

“what annoyances are more painful than those of which we cannot compain?”

-marquis de custine

 

michigan medicine.

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as michiganders

we grew up with detroit’s famous vernors ginger ale

not only was is good to drink and make floats and shakes out of it

but we used it as at least 80% of our medicine

if you felt

nauseous, had a virus, flu, unexplained itching, headache, were sore, tired, dizzy

or suffered from an unlimited litany of ailments

you were put to bed

and given cold vernors to sip on

but when the hot vernors showed up

on your bedroom tray

you knew your prognosis was much worse

and your days possibly numbered.

“there is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great,

and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow.”

-orison swett marden