when i received my ninja 1000

as a wonderful gift

i (aka peaches) was elated

ready to chop, dice shred, blend, puree..

but right from the beginning

it was clear that my ninja had the same plans for me

 every time i used it

my fingers would somehow end up sliced

 everyone i asked who had one

said this had never happened to them

and it was obvious to me

that the ninja was winning.

in my own ninja counter move

i have decided to pass him on

to another potential victim

with the user’s manual, a box of ‘my little pony’ bandaids,

and a wish to both of them for the best of luck.

*tangent: during this saga, i was reminded of the pink panther movies

where peter sellers and his manservant/ninja, cato

were constantly battling in surprise situations

in an effort to keep inspector clouseau in top form. 

*Cato Fong is Clouseau’s Chinese manservant, trained to attack him regularly to keep him alert and skilled in martial arts. Cato and Clouseau have a love-hate relationship, with their fights being long and vicious, as well as destructive to the furniture, and always interupted by the telephone ringing, at which point they will become civil again. Cato puts a lot of effort into taking his employer by surprise, and Clouseau never really feels safe as Cato will stop at nothing. A running gag is Cato attacking Clouseau during a romantic moment, or else Clouseau going away and Cato transforming the apartment.

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“only a ninja can stop a ninja”

-sho kosygin

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credits: united artists, pink panther films