Tag Archives: humor

Jun24

at death’s door.

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last summer

when my computer went all black

and stayed that way

i took it to my local computer nerds

who miraculously resuscitated it

but gave me a grim prognosis

‘living on very borrowed time’

so i ordered a new one

while waiting for the old one

to finally go in peace

but it continued to limp along

until a couple of weeks ago

when i saw the above message

‘more than 10 hours to charge it – while plugged in’

until finally

it read

‘not charging’

i took mercy on it

we’ve been through a lot together

it knows all of my secrets

my ups and downs

 has given its all

 after a fond farewell

pulled out the new one

not as familiar

but we will soon be

a team

as we begin again.

“on the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.”

-scott adams

Jun23

Zzzzzzzz.

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“drawing on my fine command of the English language, i said nothing.”

-robert benchley

 

 

 

—

book source credit: Disaster Inc. by Caimh McDonnell

Jun18

on father’s day.

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MENTAL FLOSS TRIVIA:

62% of fathers have embarrassed their children by doing this.

What is it?

ANSWER: Walking in front of their children’s friends in just their underwear

 

—

“to an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”

-dave berry

 

 

 

—

photo credit: pinterest

May24

back and center.

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in the last 15 minutes of my weights/strength class

a hybrid mix of

 people in the gym

and

 people at home

someone felt compelled

to become the new center of attention

by jumping on the equipment

right behind the trainer

who was teaching live

she did not appear to be thrilled

with his spontaneous performance

but i did workout my abs with such a good laugh.

—

“i don’t like to be center of attention, except for when I want to be the center of attention.”

-trisha paytas

May21

hit.

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when coming home

not only did i find the pinata’s footprint

but also the foot.

this has all the makings of an organized hit

it’s a working crime scene at the moment.

—

Jefe : I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises.

El Guapo : Many pinatas?

Jefe : Oh yes, many!

El Guapo : Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?

Jefe : A what?

El Guapo : A *plethora*.

Jefe : Oh yes, you have a plethora.

-From the 1986 film, The Three Amigos:

May19

tartle.

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the photo on the left illustrates my reaction

when running into someone that i’ve met before

and its awkward because i cannot, for the life of me

remember their name

and i just have to say

“great to see you again’

and if i ever have to introduce them to someone else

i just have to introduce the person with me instead

 hoping they’ll pick up the cue and respond with their own name.

for 3 years i called one of my old neighbors ‘phil’

 until another neighbor said

“i don’t know who you’re talking about, do you mean, al?”

“yes, as a matter of fact, i think i do.”

 

—

my new perfect word of the day –

‘tartle’ (verb, scots)

(to hesitate while introducing or meeting someone because you have forgotten their name)

May15

dalmatian.

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waiting for the kids again and yet again

his day jobs

are driving the fire truck and acting in movies

but when the weekend comes

he’s manning the wheel of the minivan

doing errands and chauffeuring the pups around

to all their social events and games

just like every other dalmation.

—

“i’m the one with the spots.”

-anonymous dalmatian author

 

May12

in the wild.

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imagine my delight

 when discovering this spring baby giraffe 

in the woods near my home

i had no idea that they were native to michigan.

—

 

“however much you know giraffes, to see one in the wild for the first time feels prehistoric.”

-jane goodall

 

 

May7

completely pointless.

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(painting of a talented model who is not me,

but could be a close match

if i only knew how to play the piano, read music, and was cheeky monkey.)

—

sunday is my very favorite day for doing something pointless or absolutely nothing.

—

“weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.”
— bill watterson

 

—

art credit: litus gallery

May5

lose your head.

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a cinco de mayo

public service motivational reminder:

some days you just lose your head.

(but there’s always at least one mini tootsie roll still up in there)

–“

“it’s a lot easier to lose your head than to keep it.”

– suzanne collins