Tag Archives: humor

Jun27

dignity.

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i went shopping

for two very different gifts

the first 

 a bit of fancy lingerie for a soon to be bride to be

the second 

a book about animal art for my granddaughter’s soon to be birthday

all went well at the first shop, i found a beautiful gift

 at the second shop, i found the perfect book

but when i looked down

i noticed that the lingerie has spilled out of my bag

right onto the floor

smack dab in the center of the little indy bookstore

i casually picked it up without too much fuss

laughing to myself

but when i tried to put it back in the bag

i discovered that the bag had torn

which led to it falling out in the first place

when next trying to quickly stuff it in the bag

it kept getting worse

 falling to the ground a couple more times

so i finally 

had to scoop the whole mess up in my arms

and clutch it to my body

 carrying it to the register to buy the book

leaving one arm free to pay

no one said a word

but they did offer me a small chocolate and a smile as i left.

—

“i left the room with silent dignity, but caught my foot in the mat.”

-george grossman

Jun25

what the fudge?!

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since i was an itty bitty girl

 my very favorite desserts in the whole wide world

always included

my hometown bakery’s (sanders) milk chocolate hot fudge topping

(on anything, or sometimes just a spoonful or bowl (small) of it, yes)

in my later years

i have it on special occasions

or on a random tuesday

 imagine my reaction

when i read a local article

 how it was now very hard to get

so of course

i then decided i had to have it

checked the usual places

without any luck

went to amazon

 found an offer

for $288

for 6 jars

of what is normally under $10

now i want it more

haven’t yet found a way to rationalize the cost

even though it may very well be worth it

perhaps an emergency go fund me is on the horizon.

—

amazon ad:

Sanders Chocolate Hot Fudge Dessert Topping, 10 oz, (Pack of 6)

$288

100+ viewed in past month

FREE delivery Jun 29 – Jul 7

Or fastest delivery Wed, Jun 28

Only 1 left in stock – order soon.

Per the Detroit Free Press: ‘Due to supply chain and production issues, the chocolatier decided to pause production on its dessert toppings until it is able to find a new manufacturing facility.’

—

 

“price is what you pay. value is what you get.’

-warren buffett

Jun24

at death’s door.

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last summer

when my computer went all black

and stayed that way

i took it to my local computer nerds

who miraculously resuscitated it

but gave me a grim prognosis

‘living on very borrowed time’

so i ordered a new one

while waiting for the old one

to finally go in peace

but it continued to limp along

until a couple of weeks ago

when i saw the above message

‘more than 10 hours to charge it – while plugged in’

until finally

it read

‘not charging’

i took mercy on it

we’ve been through a lot together

it knows all of my secrets

my ups and downs

 has given its all

 after a fond farewell

pulled out the new one

not as familiar

but we will soon be

a team

as we begin again.

“on the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.”

-scott adams

Jun23

Zzzzzzzz.

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“drawing on my fine command of the English language, i said nothing.”

-robert benchley

 

 

 

—

book source credit: Disaster Inc. by Caimh McDonnell

Jun18

on father’s day.

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MENTAL FLOSS TRIVIA:

62% of fathers have embarrassed their children by doing this.

What is it?

ANSWER: Walking in front of their children’s friends in just their underwear

 

—

“to an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”

-dave berry

 

 

 

—

photo credit: pinterest

May24

back and center.

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in the last 15 minutes of my weights/strength class

a hybrid mix of

 people in the gym

and

 people at home

someone felt compelled

to become the new center of attention

by jumping on the equipment

right behind the trainer

who was teaching live

she did not appear to be thrilled

with his spontaneous performance

but i did workout my abs with such a good laugh.

—

“i don’t like to be center of attention, except for when I want to be the center of attention.”

-trisha paytas

May21

hit.

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when coming home

not only did i find the pinata’s footprint

but also the foot.

this has all the makings of an organized hit

it’s a working crime scene at the moment.

—

Jefe : I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises.

El Guapo : Many pinatas?

Jefe : Oh yes, many!

El Guapo : Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?

Jefe : A what?

El Guapo : A *plethora*.

Jefe : Oh yes, you have a plethora.

-From the 1986 film, The Three Amigos:

May19

tartle.

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the photo on the left illustrates my reaction

when running into someone that i’ve met before

and its awkward because i cannot, for the life of me

remember their name

and i just have to say

“great to see you again’

and if i ever have to introduce them to someone else

i just have to introduce the person with me instead

 hoping they’ll pick up the cue and respond with their own name.

for 3 years i called one of my old neighbors ‘phil’

 until another neighbor said

“i don’t know who you’re talking about, do you mean, al?”

“yes, as a matter of fact, i think i do.”

 

—

my new perfect word of the day –

‘tartle’ (verb, scots)

(to hesitate while introducing or meeting someone because you have forgotten their name)

May15

dalmatian.

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waiting for the kids again and yet again

his day jobs

are driving the fire truck and acting in movies

but when the weekend comes

he’s manning the wheel of the minivan

doing errands and chauffeuring the pups around

to all their social events and games

just like every other dalmation.

—

“i’m the one with the spots.”

-anonymous dalmatian author

 

May12

in the wild.

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imagine my delight

 when discovering this spring baby giraffe 

in the woods near my home

i had no idea that they were native to michigan.

—

 

“however much you know giraffes, to see one in the wild for the first time feels prehistoric.”

-jane goodall