“drawing on my fine command of the English language, i said nothing.”
-robert benchley
—
book source credit: Disaster Inc. by Caimh McDonnell
Jun23
Tag Archives: humor
Jun18
on father’s day.
MENTAL FLOSS TRIVIA:
62% of fathers have embarrassed their children by doing this.
What is it?
ANSWER: Walking in front of their children’s friends in just their underwear
—
“to an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.”
-dave berry
—
photo credit: pinterest
May24
back and center.
in the last 15 minutes of my weights/strength class
a hybrid mix of
people in the gym
and
people at home
someone felt compelled
to become the new center of attention
by jumping on the equipment
right behind the trainer
who was teaching live
she did not appear to be thrilled
with his spontaneous performance
but i did workout my abs with such a good laugh.
—
“i don’t like to be center of attention, except for when I want to be the center of attention.”
-trisha paytas
May21
hit.
when coming home
not only did i find the pinata’s footprint
but also the foot.
this has all the makings of an organized hit
it’s a working crime scene at the moment.
—
Jefe : I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises.
El Guapo : Many pinatas?
Jefe : Oh yes, many!
El Guapo : Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe : A what?
El Guapo : A *plethora*.
Jefe : Oh yes, you have a plethora.
-From the 1986 film, The Three Amigos:
May19
tartle.
the photo on the left illustrates my reaction
when running into someone that i’ve met before
and its awkward because i cannot, for the life of me
remember their name
and i just have to say
“great to see you again’
and if i ever have to introduce them to someone else
i just have to introduce the person with me instead
hoping they’ll pick up the cue and respond with their own name.
for 3 years i called one of my old neighbors ‘phil’
until another neighbor said
“i don’t know who you’re talking about, do you mean, al?”
“yes, as a matter of fact, i think i do.”
—
my new perfect word of the day –
‘tartle’ (verb, scots)
(to hesitate while introducing or meeting someone because you have forgotten their name)
May15
dalmatian.
waiting for the kids again and yet again
his day jobs
are driving the fire truck and acting in movies
but when the weekend comes
he’s manning the wheel of the minivan
doing errands and chauffeuring the pups around
to all their social events and games
just like every other dalmation.
—
“i’m the one with the spots.”
-anonymous dalmatian author
May12
in the wild.
imagine my delight
when discovering this spring baby giraffe
in the woods near my home
i had no idea that they were native to michigan.
—
“however much you know giraffes, to see one in the wild for the first time feels prehistoric.”
-jane goodall
May7
completely pointless.
(painting of a talented model who is not me,
but could be a close match
if i only knew how to play the piano, read music, and was cheeky monkey.)
—
sunday is my very favorite day for doing something pointless or absolutely nothing.
—
“weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.”
— bill watterson
—
art credit: litus gallery
May5
lose your head.
a cinco de mayo
public service motivational reminder:
some days you just lose your head.
(but there’s always at least one mini tootsie roll still up in there)
–“
“it’s a lot easier to lose your head than to keep it.”
– suzanne collins
May3
sweat.
olive, who is far from a gym rat
watches the instructor intently
she may be considering asking me to be her home training partner
i’m going to have to step up my game.
—
“friends that sweat together stay together.”
– wayze
I didn't have my glasses on.... 