Tag Archives: humor

*fork over.

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why is it

that within 5 seconds and 2 steps

when carrying a plate with a fork on it

that the fork somehow slams to the ground

even when i’m focused, keeping the plate level, moving at a normal pace

is it math? science? is my body always a just a bit a-kilter?

*in reading about what dropping a fork means, all i that i can find are superstitions.

after looking at superstitions from around the globe, from a variety of cultures, both historical and current

many disagree about what will happen when you drop a fork

but they seem to be narrowed down to three major things that will happen soon:

good news, bad news, or love.

this explains a lot of my life.,

but why the fork falls remains a mystery.

“if they drop a fork, you give them another one”

– from ‘caddyshack’

plans.

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this really has put a damper on my plans. 

 

“plans are things that change. “

-fujio cho

morning detail.

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when you start the day

by adding the soup broth instead of the almond milk

into your morning coffee

you know that your spring break is truly over. 

‘the detail is as important as the essential is. when it is inadequate, it destroys the whole outfit.”

-christian dior

confidence?

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that moment when you see your pilot

looking a bit world weary

after taking a spin

on the last chance 

wheel of fortune

before boarding the plane. 

“confidence cannot find a place wherein to rest in safety.”

-virgil

great expectations.

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(united airlines 1st class – 747 flight in the 70s)

after booking an upcoming flight

i may have a few misplaced hopes and expectations

that this will be my experience in the air

“let your dreams outgrow the shoes of your expectations.”

-ryunosuke satoro

groundhog theory.

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happy groundhog day – at last it all makes sense!

 

 

 

 

image credit: quotesgram

scam likely.

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who is scam likely?

an old friend from elementary school?

someone i went to camp with? 

an indy band?

someone i met at a carnival?

sam likely’s twin?

i’m not sure, but scam calls me often

he/she must feel rejected

as i never take their call.

“cats have a scam going- you buy the food,

they eat the food, they go away;

that’s the deal.”

– eddie izzard

 

 

poles apart.

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yep, not me. 

just wondering why my fitness app

is willing to measure

pole dancing but not pole vaulting

both involve strength and flying.

 

 

“i have tennis shoes with little rhinestones that I slip on if I exercise.

but I always wear heels, even around the house.

i’m such a short little thing,

i can’t reach my kitchen cabinets.”

-dolly parton

 

 

photo credit: naviant health

no joke.

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not me, but the same look i get when i realize i’ve forgotten a part of my only joke, yet again.

i love to tell stories, laugh, talk, improv, and share amusing tid-bits

but for the life of me

i absolutely cannot tell a joke

forgetting a line

mixing up the order

messing up the punchline delivery

all that

and

i only have one joke

 and that’s no joke.

“i don’t know how to tell a joke. i never tell jokes.

i can tell stories that happened to me… anecdotes.

but never a joke.”

-lucille ball

 

image credit: pinterest

watching.

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just a subtle reminder that

olive the cat not the martini garnish/editor at large/bon vivant

is always watching

ready to offer ‘worldly suggestions’ to improve my writing.

 

“you can observe a lot just by watching.”

-yogi berra