one more week until the candy rains down!
—
“i want to get a vending machine, with fun-sized candy bars,
and the glass in front is a magnifying glass.
you’ll be mad but it will be too late.”
-mitch hedberg
—
image credit: etsy vintage
Oct24
Tag Archives: humor
Oct19
choose wisely.
no matter how tired you are
when coming into the faculty room
to grab a cup of coffee
at the start of another day
look closely at the flavorings offered
choose wisely.
what will it be today?
caramel? chocolate? or bleach water?
—
“once you make a choice, you have no choice.”
-anna chin-williams
—
photo credit: c. hull – thank you!
Oct11
nuts!
when bringing my bike into the basement
to store it for the long winter ahead
this was just standing there waiting for me
how long has he been there?
where did he come from?
what did he want to say?
why was he there?
asking for a friend.
—
“son of a nutcracker!!”
-buddy elf, (“Elf” the movie)
Oct10
cut it out!
what do you do when you need a pair of scissors
so you buy a pair of scissors
but you need scissors to cut them out of the package that holds the scissors that will cut them out?
—
“humor brings insight and tolerance. irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.”
-agnes repplier
Oct4
just, no.
a creepy doll mask,
never will i ever…
with my luck and imagination
i picture it never coming off.
—
“a mask tells us more than a face.”
-oscar wilde
Aug20
so, how’s a poet to even try to keep their days straight?
yo!
rainbow
hello
don’t go!
—
an original, in honor of bad poetry day
which i just missed
but now
it’s very nearly national poets day
and before too long will be national poetry day.
and so
see below.
—
Hard on the heels of Bad Poetry Day on August 18
Comes National Poets Day on August 21
Presumably we celebrate good poets for this day.
Although Poets Day could certainly refer to any poets, good or bad.
It could even mean you! If you’re a poet …
So on August 21, celebrate the poet in you. Or in your friend. Or your favorite poet. It’s all up to you.
This day is different from yet another day celebrating poets and poems: National Poetry Day in October.
Aug16
i’m not joking.
every august 16th it’s national tell a joke day
not my best holiday
i’m a horrible joke-teller
i’m more of a story-teller
a whole other skill set
all i’ve ever been able to remember
is my one go-to joke
(and even this is iffy, as i often add part of the answer into the question part of the joke)
“what animal loves summer the best?”
“a hot dog!”
(i learned this years ago when my daughter was in a kindergarten talent show and did stand-up comedy)
she got an amazing response perhaps because she was a brave kinder doing stand up and the audience ate it up
i decided it would be my standing joke from that moment on
sure to get a laugh
though when i tell it, in whatever convoluted manner it manages to be delivered
i generally either hear groans or silence from any audience of any age or any number
so i guess the joke’s on me.
“i’m gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.”
-mitch hedberg
—
credits: “hot dog” by doug salati (caldecott award winner), penguin random house, google images
Jul1
cheeky monkey.
this lamp popped up online
bringing me great joy
making me laugh out loud
each and every time i’ve looked at it
i may have to buy it
or at least put a picture of it somewhere
there is no accounting for good taste
when you know, you know.
p.s. someone once said i reminded them of a cheeky monkey, and i loved it, perhaps i saw a bit of myself in this.
do you have an unusual object that brings you unexplained joy?
—
“i just want to spend the rest of my life laughing.”
-author unknown
Jun27
dignity.
i went shopping
for two very different gifts
the first
a bit of fancy lingerie for a soon to be bride to be
the second
a book about animal art for my granddaughter’s soon to be birthday
all went well at the first shop, i found a beautiful gift
at the second shop, i found the perfect book
but when i looked down
i noticed that the lingerie has spilled out of my bag
right onto the floor
smack dab in the center of the little indy bookstore
i casually picked it up without too much fuss
laughing to myself
but when i tried to put it back in the bag
i discovered that the bag had torn
which led to it falling out in the first place
when next trying to quickly stuff it in the bag
it kept getting worse
falling to the ground a couple more times
so i finally
had to scoop the whole mess up in my arms
and clutch it to my body
carrying it to the register to buy the book
leaving one arm free to pay
no one said a word
but they did offer me a small chocolate and a smile as i left.
—
“i left the room with silent dignity, but caught my foot in the mat.”
-george grossman
Jun25
what the fudge?!
since i was an itty bitty girl
my very favorite desserts in the whole wide world
always included
my hometown bakery’s (sanders) milk chocolate hot fudge topping
(on anything, or sometimes just a spoonful or bowl (small) of it, yes)
in my later years
i have it on special occasions
or on a random tuesday
imagine my reaction
when i read a local article
how it was now very hard to get
so of course
i then decided i had to have it
checked the usual places
without any luck
went to amazon
found an offer
for $288
for 6 jars
of what is normally under $10
now i want it more
haven’t yet found a way to rationalize the cost
even though it may very well be worth it
perhaps an emergency go fund me is on the horizon.
—
amazon ad:
Sanders Chocolate Hot Fudge Dessert Topping, 10 oz, (Pack of 6)
$288
100+ viewed in past month
FREE delivery Jun 29 – Jul 7
Or fastest delivery Wed, Jun 28
Only 1 left in stock – order soon.
Per the Detroit Free Press: ‘Due to supply chain and production issues, the chocolatier decided to pause production on its dessert toppings until it is able to find a new manufacturing facility.’
—
“price is what you pay. value is what you get.’
-warren buffett
I didn't have my glasses on.... 