Tag Archives: humor

aha.

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(not me, but a puppy who has my dream hair color and is comfortably wearing earbuds)

that aha moment

when after 62 years and some months

your ear buds once again fall out when walking 

 you have your glasses on

you look down before trying to put them back in

 you notice that earbuds are marked ‘r’ and ‘l’ for right and left

that they are meant to go in the corresponding ears

you realize that you actually do have ear canals

and there is a way to ensure they will not continue to fall out every 3.5 minutes.

“the “aha” moment is a validating experience for your efforts

and at the same time changes your paradigm of the world in favor of a more accurate one.

Campbell simply says “it wipes out the ego.”

― Roumen Bezergianov, Character Education with Chess

 

 

image credit: pinterest

panic in the paper aisle.

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World’s Largest Roll of Toilet Paper

10 feet high and 8.5 feet across.

weighs two tons.

contains a million square feet of squeeze-ably soft toilet paper.
will last me 1900 years.
according to my math
i’m good.

“i tend to stay with the panic. i embrace the panic.”

-larry david

 

 

 

credits: ripley’s believe it or not museum, branson, missouri, usa

all twerk, no play.

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i’ve been wanting to take a dance class,

and

this offer popped up in my feed,

but

i’m not quite sure

this is the one for me….

 Cardio Twerking Fitness Classes at Studio88 Pole Fitness

(Up to 68% Off)

Why We Like It

Twerking fitness classes provide a dynamic cardio workout to tone the body and develop self-confidence

About This Deal

Students of all skills and ability levels join twerking fitness classes to receive an intense cardio workout, stay physically fit, and develop confidence.

RULES FOR TWERKING:

1) RECONSIDER

 

 

image credit: quickcountry.com

groundhog.

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“groundhog day is like a rock concert

but the people are better behaved and a groundhog is invited.”

-tom chapin

 

 

 

image credit: trip savvy.com

defendant.

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after making the decision

to challenge my traffic ticket

(I’m innocent, for the record)

my scheduled hearing

has been adjourned twice.

 in today’s mail

I received the new date

for my next potential hearing.

I had to laugh

when I picked up the new envelope

(for the third time now)

and it once again clearly read:

Defendant

just above my name

with the court address In the return corner

 I have to wonder

just what major crime

my mr. rogers sweet and friendly mailman

 thinks I may have committed?

‘we find the defendants incredibly guilty.’

– mel brooks

golden ticket.

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how lucky am I?
today I found the golden ticket
just waiting for me in my mailbox.
“It was a very beautiful thing, this Golden Ticket, having been made, so it seemed, from a sheet of pure gold hammered out almost to the thinness of paper. On one side of it, printed by some clever method in jet-black letters, was the invitation itself—from Mr. Wonka.”
– roald dahl,  (Willy Wonka), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

chatty.

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I was 6 years old and so excited to finally get my chatty-cathy

a doll with a string in the back

that you could pull and she would talk

(18 phrases at random)

‘please take me with you’

‘may I have a cookie?’

‘I love you.’

she was a wonderful doll

 we were happy together

until

I came home one day

and noticed to my horror

that my oldest sister

had given her a haircut

(picture a choppy hacked pixie cut with stringy bits)

I did not have a good reaction to it

I exploded in tears

very dramatically

sobbing and instantly tattling on her

 chatty’s hair never grew back

and one day she was gone.

(the doll, not my sister)

after all these years

I still bring it up

to my sister

every so often

 she always tells me 

she had no idea

 I would have such a strong reaction

she was just trying to give her a fancy hair style

and while I have long-ago forgiven her

I still have no idea

what chatty may have said to her during the haircut.

“a beloved doll’s voice speaks directly to your soul

in a way that cannot be explained in words.” 

-gayle wray

 

p.s. I am not a fan of dolls as an adult, they kind of terrify me, especially talking ones.

 

image credit: Mattel Toys

little pockets, big ideas.

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where did your snack go?

it’s all gone.

where did it all go?

just a big smile

and very full pockets.

clever really.

never hurts to be prepared for anything.

 

“you have to create little pockets of joy in your life to take care of yourself.”

-jonathan van ness

scout.

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scout (in the original), walks home dressed as a ham.

I was cast to play scout

in a scene from ‘to kill a mockingbird’

as a favor for my friend

who was in an oral interpretation class

during her later in life college days.

the scene was the one

where scout was dressed as a ham

walking home through the woods

and the victim of an unknown attacker.

as I’m an incredibly horrible actress

I double-checked to see if she was sure

about wanting me for the role.

she was desperate and had no one else

so I was perfect, and was in!

she also cast my boyfriend at the time

as my brother

and our about to deliver a baby any second friend

as the narrator

that was it.

 the only actors in the scene.

we were the holy trinity of non-talent.

one important thing that I needed to know

in spite of knowing my few lines

to be delivered in a frantic southern accent

with lots of screaming and thrashing movements

was that my attacker was not going to actually exist on stage

it was all interpretive

I had to imagine and act

like I was being attacked

as I wrestled with my invisible assailant.

at last the big day finally arrived

the curtain rose

I drawled and shrieked out my part

rolling around, slamming into the walls

and fighting my attacker who did not exist

all while dressed in my ham costume.

once it was over

we all took our bows

 happy when the curtain finally went down.

after, I asked my friend’s husband,

(who was kind enough to have been in the audience

so we would be sure to have someone who clapped)

what he thought of my performance

and while his review was not exactly as expected

it was probably right on the mark:

‘you were like a cat in heat!’

my friend got an ‘a’ on the project.

“drama starts where logic ends.”

-ram charan

 

image credits: ‘to kill a mockingbird’ -universal pictures

vin and tang.

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 i bought both of these 

on the same shopping trip

if I drink the two of them

can I call it

even?

 each is fermented after all

can i call it

a truce?

perfect balance?

harmony?

 

“there’s eternal opposition between yin and yang.

no third party at all, but treason occurs sometimes.”     

-toba beta