Tag Archives: humor

where hobbies, hijinks, and capers go bad = my childhood #6

Standard

(not my actual sale, this one is 70 miles long, but you get the feel of it)

—

there was that time

when i decided the best way to earn some quick cash

was to have a yard sale.

so i dragged our lemonade stand table out into the front yard

threw a plastic tablecloth over it

made a sign

covered it with stuff to sell

opened for business

let the cash flow begin!

 a couple of friends and their sibs

stopped by on bikes

to check it out

i quickly made 57 cents

things were humming along at a nice pace

the venture was looking promising

i thought i’d do this each weekend

maybe hire an assistant

deciding what i’d do with all the cash

until

my sister came marching out of the house

to see what was going on

 realized that i was selling her stuff

my mom soon followed

and that business closed pretty quickly.

—

“three dollars and it only transports matter?!”

(at professor frink’s yard sale – homer simpson)

fictional character from the animated tv series created by matt groening, the simpsons

 

 

 

—

image credit: cbc.ca

 

 

taradiddle.

Standard

i’m hearing an awful lot of this lately.

can you use it in a sentence?

 

 

 

 

—

image credit: ruby lane

hiding.

Standard
someone must have tipped these two off
and told them
that they were going to see the vet today.
“you can keep as quiet as you like,
but one of these days somebody is going to find you.”
― haruki murakami

cat math.

Standard

olive and glenn frey

insist on helping me

with the process of

sorting paperwork and doing bills.

they have been training for years

and clearly feel they are financial wizards.

—

“cats can work out mathematically

the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.”

-pam brown

leg.

Standard

it’s the perfect day to follow a rogue leg down the road.

 

—

“if you don’t have a leg to stand on, you can’t put your foot down.”

-robert altman

time travel.

Standard

grandie m

shared his formula

for time travel

with me

but has not come up 

with a return formula

as of yet.

he even made me my very own copy.

i love the cover

and hopefully

everyone’s copy looks like this. 

 

—

“the truth is, time travel is hard, and people are lazy.”

-margaret person haddix, Redeemed

how hot is it?

Standard

my candle quietly answers the question. 

 

 

 

—

“what dreadful hot weather we have!

it keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.”

-jane austen

 

bogo.

Standard

looks like it’s buy one, get one free day.

i’ll take two. 

—

“i have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.”

-jackie mason 

the math and science of oreos.

Standard

“researchers in the u.k. have developed

a vegetable called ‘super broccoli’

designed to fight heart disease.

not to be outdone,

researchers in america have developed

a way to stuff an oreo inside of another oreo.”

-jimmy fallon

 

rockette.

Standard

one of my daughter’s long-legged black cats

who i collectively refer to as ‘the nathans,’

enjoying a swing.

as of this posting,

he has never expressed a desire to be a dancer.

—

“just because you have long legs doesn’t mean you’ll be happy as a rockette.”

– nicholas lore