“i would challenge you to a battle of wits, but i see you are unarmed.”
-william shakespeare
—
photo credit: gregory dukor/reuters, google images
Jul17
Tag Archives: humor
Jul14
turn down the heat.
glenn frey the cat not the rocker
is really upset
about the ongoing stretch of excessive heat
and has decided
to vocally protest
each night
however
i have a different style
and feel that silent protests
might be much more effective.
—
“that lemon drop is bearing down
so hot it wilts my artificial flowers”
-richard l. ratliff
—
image credit: henri rousseau, ‘the sleeping gypsy’
Jul13
unbeatable.
only a matter of time…..
—
“patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.”
-napoleon hill
—
image credit: awkward family photos
Jul9
ninja vs. peaches.
when i received my ninja 1000
as a wonderful gift
i (aka peaches) was elated
ready to chop, dice shred, blend, puree..
but right from the beginning
it was clear that my ninja had the same plans for me
every time i used it
my fingers would somehow end up sliced
everyone i asked who had one
said this had never happened to them
and it was obvious to me
that the ninja was winning.
in my own ninja counter move
i have decided to pass him on
to another potential victim
with the user’s manual, a box of ‘my little pony’ bandaids,
and a wish to both of them for the best of luck.
*tangent: during this saga, i was reminded of the pink panther movies
where peter sellers and his manservant/ninja, cato
were constantly battling in surprise situations
in an effort to keep inspector clouseau in top form.
*Cato Fong is Clouseau’s Chinese manservant, trained to attack him regularly to keep him alert and skilled in martial arts. Cato and Clouseau have a love-hate relationship, with their fights being long and vicious, as well as destructive to the furniture, and always interupted by the telephone ringing, at which point they will become civil again. Cato puts a lot of effort into taking his employer by surprise, and Clouseau never really feels safe as Cato will stop at nothing. A running gag is Cato attacking Clouseau during a romantic moment, or else Clouseau going away and Cato transforming the apartment.
—
“only a ninja can stop a ninja”
-sho kosygin
—
credits: united artists, pink panther films
Jul8
t-rexcue.
Waru, the rescue kangaroo joey does his best Tyrannosaurus Rex impersonation
Waru is still very young so spends most of his time in the pouch.
He spends just a few minutes a day learning how to stand up.
—
“NOTE: In the rare situation a megatsunami washes a T. rex into your path, you won’t be carrying a weapon large enough to hurt it. If it’s intent on eating you, it will eat you. However, you will be killed by the coolest dinosaur ever. Most people go their whole lives without ever seeing a T. rex in person. Do you know how lucky you are?”
― Andrew Shaffer, How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters: Fight Back When Monsters and Mother Nature Attack
—
The Kangaroo Sanctuary Alice Springs, Australia
Jul6
amy’s choice.
oh, amy what have you done?
after a bit of an unexplained absence
and when rejoining us outside at her picnic
amy tells us that she was busy inside
setting her mother up with her old iPad
and is already feeling a bit of remorse and worry
that this choice may have created
a life-long need for her tech support
and round-the-clock calls to her
yearning for immediate answers
to the endless questions as to the subtleties and mysteries
contained within the world of apple products.
her brother quickly makes it clear
that he is hands-off
and is not in any way involved in this endeavor.
she speaks openly of her fear
while the only other things we know
that she is afraid of are mascots
though this new level of fear
may have even topped that.
we all reassure her that she is a good daughter for having done this
while at the same time privately harboring
our own personal doubts
about the potential risk/reward factor involved in her choice.
about 3 minutes went by
and this is a picture of amy re-entering her house
after she has been called in
to where her mother sits with her new iPad
and her first ‘question/glitch.’
she looks frightened and unsure of what awaits her inside.
—
“choices are the hinges of destiny.”
-edwin markham
Jul4
you say potato, i say patriot.
“you have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks and soldiers who file by the white house in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy and the flies die from happiness. you may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.”
-erma bombeck
happy birthday u.s.a!
—
image credit: savorthebest.com
Jun28
coffee talk.
nothing like waking up early
sipping a warm cup of strong coffee
chewing on something that seems like a berry
your brain catching up
and wondering
why there is a berry in your cup
because you don’t normally
add berries to your coffee
and you spit it out
only to discover
that it was really a random giant ant not a berry
who climbed into your cup
in the time it took you to walk out of the room and back
and you have unwittingly shared your coffee with him
and he, with you.
—
“it is not enough to be busy. so are the ants. the question is: what are we busy about?”
-henry david thoreau
Jun18
no regrets.
ah, the choices –
to play it safe
and go for the fudge, chocolate chips, or mint
or to venture into something
a little more adventurous perhaps
like playdough or potholes?
—
“fear is stupid. so are regrets.”
-marilyn monroe
Jun7
gangsters.
our 5th grade boys
milling around
excited and nervous and happy
decided they were going to do their ‘gangster walk’
on the way in to their graduation ceremony
in their suits and ties
jackets thrown over shoulders
and i had to smile
when i heard them
strutting by
singing ‘sweet caroline’
at the top of their lungs
i’m betting neil diamond would take it as a compliment
and when they went inside
they recited their kind words
sang school songs
watched as pictures of their younger days
flashed upon the screen
and finally ended with a beautiful candlelighting
i’m proud of these gangsters
as i’ve known some of them since they were 3
before they even knew what letter ‘gangster’ started with.
—
“any distraction tends to get in the way of being an effective gangster.”
-terence winter
I didn't have my glasses on.... 