driving home next to a lit-up christmas car
way deep in the holiday spirit
is that santa
out for a night on the town?
—
‘following the well-lit path, offers little in the way of magic.’
-seth godin
Dec5
lit.
Tag Archives: humor
Nov29
only human.
many of us learn by trial and error
myself included
—
“the problem with people is that they’re only human.”
— hobbes, from “Calvin & Hobbes,” on the limitations of humanity
– bill waterson
—
image credit: gary larson, the far side
Nov22
annoying toys r us.
the water squirting doll is a pretty hard no for me,
but i’m sure they’ll find a good home
i know i would have loved using this
to annoy my sibs
had it been invented when i was a child.
—
‘sometimes late at night, if you listen real carefully,
you can hear parents removing batteries from annoying toys.’
-r.a. dadss
Oct27
reminder….
when you get this message from your car
you have startle response
turn around very carefully
and see this
ah, just another pinata
clearly my car doesn’t know me well enough yet.
i was picturing one of those scary old tales
we used to terrorize each other with
it would be either a guy with a hook
or a pumpkin head with no body.
—
look out! behind you!
-ralph waldo emerson
Sep16
tempting, but….
darn it!
i was going to park here until i saw this sign.
it looked like the perfect space.
—
‘the road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.’
-will rogers
Sep14
there’s always room for jello. in your room.
JELL-O is no longer a staple of potlucks and dinner parties nationwide, but the product is still popular. Even if the age of jiggly “salads” was before your time, you may have fond memories of packing a JELL-O cup for lunch or having one as a snack after school. Now, you can return to those simpler times with the brand’s new inflatable furniture line, The Jelly Collection.
The comfy seats come in four colors: red (meant to evoke JELL-O’s strawberry flavor), green (lime), yellow (lemon), and orange (orange). Designed to look like giant gelatin molds, the chairs may spark your appetite. Luckily, they each come with a built-in JELL-O cup holder for your snacks.
“For over 150 years, JELL-O has been at the heart of joyful family moments, big and small,” Tyler Parker, brand manager of desserts at Kraft Heinz, said in a statement. “With The Jelly Collection, we’re not just celebrating our rich history; we’re bringing it to life for today’s families. By blending our heritage with a modern twist, we’re inviting consumers to embrace the playful spirit that has made JELL-O a beloved favorite for generations.”
After launching on Amazon on September 10 for $30 apiece, the chairs sold out quickly. It’s unclear when—and if—Kraft Heinz plans to restock the limited-edition home decor item.
Jelly is having a bit of a moment in popular culture. The resurgence of the Y2K aesthetic has ushered in a new wave of the jelly-inspired trend, with jelly makeup that makes skin look glossy, translucent home decor, and jelly shoes all making a comeback on social media and in the real world.
—
‘molded salads are best served in situations where they have little or no competition..
like television,
gelatin is too often a vehicle for limp leftovers that couldn’t make it anywhere else.’
*peg bracken
*Peg Bracken was an American writer of humorous books and articles on cooking, housekeeping, etiquette and travel. She graduated from Antioch College in 1940, got married, and worked as an advertising copywriter along with Homer Groening, father of Matt Groening. Groening and she also made a comic strip, Phoebe, Get Your Man together.
During the 60s and 70s, Bracken’s writing reassured women that they did not have to be perfect to have a happy home. Her best-known book is The I Hate to Cook Book, written in 1960. The book came about when she and some other working-women friends came up with a core of recipes strong on ease of preparation. It was followed by The I Hate to Housekeep Book and The Appendix to the I Hate to Cook Book. The recipes are distinguished by unusual names and peppered with sardonic comments. For example, one recipe is for “Wolfe Eggs,” which are for eggs the way the fictional Nero Wolfe would cook them. “Stayabed Stew” could be left to cook by itself and was perfect “for those days when you are en negligee, en bed, with a murder story and a box of bonbons, or possibly a good case of flu”; mashed potatoes topped with cheese and baked in a casserole become “Spuds O’Grotton’. Her selection of simple main dishes is “30 Day-by-Day Entrees, or, The Rock Pile”.
The recipes themselves were written in much the same style (“Brown the garlic, onion, and crumbled beef in the oil. Add the flour, salt, paprika, and mushrooms, stir, and let it cook five minutes while you light a cigarette and stare sullenly at the sink”).
—
image/source credits: jello/amazon, kraft heinz, mental floss, calea johnson
Sep12
net worth.
no one is happy when their internet goes out
but i am always amused
by the list
of my neighbors’ router names
that scroll by
when trying
to get mine up and running again.
last night’s winners were:
billclinternet
thelanisterssendtheirregards
routerihardlyknewher
some people are so clever
my goal was
to create a name i would remember
now if feel that i’m letting them all down a bit.
not giving back.
—
‘the internet is a great way to get on the net.’
-bob dole, former republican senator and presidential candidate
—
image credit: google images
Sep11
lock ‘er up and throw away the key.
not me , but exactly like me holding my keys in my hands just before i helped them to go missing
(and this baby is smart to just be focusing on one thing at a time)
—
and yet another
multi-task seemed like a good idea mishap unfolds
carrying trash, two sets of keys, donation bag, library book, coffee cup, dvd, lists,
and an odd assortment of things
to drop off, return, or deal with on my other random errands
determined to make one trip
i did get out the door
things balanced, hanging from wrists and various fingers
dropped trash bag in the dumpster first
unlocked my car using my left pinky
threw everything in the backseat
drove off and finished all of my tasks
happy to be getting rid of things i no longer needed
bringing in groceries and new things i didn’t know that i needed
again, everything balanced
determined to get back in my door in one trip
tiptoed through the garden shortcut
made it in with all intact
put everything away and went to get the mail
sadly
my second set of keys was nowhere to be found
which included my mailbox key
searched and went through everything
retraced my steps
(as i learned to do from bert and ernie on sesame street)
looked in all of the hidden under-seat and in-between places in my car
figured keys would pop up somewhere in the next day or so
but alas, it was not to be
by process of elimination of all other possibilities
came to the conclusion
they must have fallen into the trash bag
that i threw away in the dumpster
unretrievable
so i began the process of replacing them
my second car key was on there
i’d just listed my car for sale, with two keys
too expensive to replace
changed that detail in my ad
my mailbox only opens by key
can only be replaced by the post office
went to two post offices
each handled a part of it
had to pay $45 and have one of their people
come out, re-key it, and create a new key
my mail carrier who is great
left a massive pile of mail from the week
hidden on my front porch for me
why did i even have a massive pile of. mail?
key fixer guy came the next day
gave me three keys
need to get the padlock on my storage unit
cut off and replaced
mail restored, ad changed, buy padlock
next up
one job, focused, on task, slowly
figuring out
if there were any other important keys on that ring.
—
‘some people think my father was a spy, because of working for that government agency in vietnam,
but he can’t find his car keys, much less keep a national secret.’
*lauren graham, american actress
besides having startle response, and technology being my nemesis, another reason i opted not to be a spy.
*Lauren’s father, Lawrence Graham, was a candy industry lobbyist, president of the National Confectioners Association and worked for the United States Agency for International Development in Vietnam. (seems like a pretty good spy cover to me)
—
photo credit of smart baby with keys: google images
Sep1
cheers to a cooler september.
stumbled upon this old ad
for what may have seemed the perfect solution
to the age-old dilemma:
what to choose when caught between the seasons?
hot soup or cold drink?
why not just combine them?
—
‘september showed up right on schedule, and lasted a whole month.’
-jenny wingfield, author
—
image credit: campbell’s soup company, vintage ad, 1962
Aug26
all the nothing.
(not me, but similar to me yesterday, surrendering to life)
—
my plan was to do a lot of nothing
but the universe wasn’t having it
with a surprise leak in my house
and a
‘microwave food explosion incident’
it wasn’t meant to be
but
onward
today is another day
so far, so good
as most of the world is not yet awake.
—
“there’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
*bill waterson
*William Boyd Watterson II is an American cartoonist who authored the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes. The strip was syndicated from 1985 to 1995. Watterson concluded Calvin and Hobbes with a short statement to newspaper editors and his readers that he felt he had achieved all he could in the medium.
—
image credit: cbs news
I didn't have my glasses on.... 