Tag Archives: humor

Sep11

lock ‘er up and throw away the key.

Posted on September 11, 2024 by beth

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not me , but exactly like me holding my keys in my hands just before i helped them to go missing

(and this baby is smart to just be focusing on one thing at a time)

—

and yet another

multi-task seemed like a good idea mishap unfolds

carrying trash, two sets of keys, donation bag, library book, coffee cup, dvd, lists,

and an odd assortment of things

to drop off, return, or deal with on my other random errands

determined to make one trip

i did get out the door

things balanced, hanging from wrists and various fingers

dropped trash bag in the dumpster first

unlocked my car using my left pinky

threw everything in the backseat

drove off and finished all of my tasks

happy to be getting rid of things i no longer needed

bringing in groceries and new things i didn’t know that i needed

again, everything balanced

determined to get back in my door in one trip

tiptoed through the garden shortcut

made it in with all intact

put everything away and went to get the mail

sadly

my second set of keys was nowhere to be found

which included my mailbox key

searched and went through everything

retraced my steps

(as i learned to do from bert and ernie on sesame street)

looked in all of the hidden under-seat and in-between places in my car

figured keys would pop up somewhere in the next day or so

but alas, it was not to be

by process of elimination of all other possibilities

came to the conclusion

they must have fallen into the trash bag

that i threw away in the dumpster

unretrievable

so i began the process of replacing them

my second car key was on there

i’d just listed my car for sale, with two keys

too expensive to replace

changed that detail in my ad

my mailbox only opens by key

can only be replaced by the post office

went to two post offices

each handled a part of it

had to pay $45 and have one of their people

come out, re-key it, and create a new key

my mail carrier who is great

left a massive pile of mail from the week

hidden on my front porch for me

why did i even have a massive pile of. mail?

key fixer guy came the next day

gave me three keys

need to get the padlock on my storage unit

cut off and replaced

mail restored, ad changed, buy padlock

next up

one job, focused, on task, slowly

figuring out

if there were any other important keys on that ring.

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‘some people think my father was a spy, because of working for that government agency in vietnam,

but he can’t find his car keys, much less keep a national secret.’

*lauren graham, american actress

besides having startle response, and technology being my nemesis, another reason i opted not to be a spy.

*Lauren’s father, Lawrence Graham, was a candy industry lobbyist, president of the National Confectioners Association and worked for the United States Agency for International Development in Vietnam. (seems like a pretty good spy cover to me)

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photo credit of smart baby with keys: google images

Sep1

cheers to a cooler september.

Posted on September 1, 2024 by beth

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stumbled upon this old ad

for what may have seemed the perfect solution

to the age-old dilemma:

what to choose when caught between the seasons?

hot soup or cold drink?

why not just combine them?

—

‘september showed up right on schedule, and lasted a whole month.’

-jenny wingfield, author

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image credit: campbell’s soup company, vintage ad, 1962

Aug26

all the nothing.

Posted on August 26, 2024 by beth

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(not me, but similar to me yesterday, surrendering to life)

—

my plan was to do a lot of nothing

but the universe wasn’t having it

with a surprise leak in my house

and a

‘microwave food explosion incident’

it wasn’t meant to be

but

onward

today is another day

so far, so good

as most of the world is not yet awake.

—

“there’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”

*bill waterson

*William Boyd Watterson II is an American cartoonist who authored the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes. The strip was syndicated from 1985 to 1995. Watterson concluded Calvin and Hobbes with a short statement to newspaper editors and his readers that he felt he had achieved all he could in the medium.

—

image credit: cbs news

Aug2

climbing out of the rabbit hole.

Posted on August 2, 2024 by beth

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follow-up and resolution to yesterday’s post-

after a long spiral down the rabbit hole

in a journey to procure

a throw pillow and a rug

purely on a whim

that i didn’t really need

i went to sleep.

–

when i woke to a new day

i headed over to pick up my goods

determined to make it work

when i arrived at the store

shared why i was there

we, as a group

the only three employees and i

discovered that:

my pillow order had been cancelled and refunded

as they were never able to locate it in the store

next up:

they seemed genuinely stumped

when i showed them

the ‘your rug is ready for pickup’ e-mail

sent to me by their company

they each asked my name

looked at my confirmation

typed the order number in their computers

muttered some stuff

looked at each other quizically

and off they all went on the hunt

each in a different direction

when they returned

it was determined that

no one could find it

they discussed it again

one finally looked up and said-

‘oh, i remember finding it last night and putting in the pickup area!’

who knew?

i was not going to leave that store without my rug

so i actively began helping them find it

(do they only carry one of each item?)

they were all looking for a rolled up rug

but i found it folded on shelf instead

in –

‘the pickup area!’

so lucky i am a hobby detective

(even though i have a strong startle response)

with my refund for the pillow they never found

and the discount i battled with ai online to get

my rug ended up extremely well priced

making it even more of a treasure

last night

i laid on my new rug

without a new festive throw pillow nearby

proud of my crack detective work

exhausted and amused by the crazy process

tomorrow –

who knows what will happen

when i go to the post office and the movies?!!

—

“the only way out of a hole is to climb out.”

-cherly strayed, american author, wild

—

image credit: psyschology today

Aug1

soft landing.

Posted on August 1, 2024 by beth

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you know how you start out doing one thing

and it leads to another

and another

and yet another

soon you realize you’ve tumbled right down

into the rabbit hole?

that was me yesterday

i’ll try to recount the steps in the order they fell –

—

sitting on my couch drinking a cup of morning coffee

reading and responding to blogs

i looked over at a pillow on my couch

i remembered buying it, loved it’s design

now it looked faded

thought i’d try washing the cover to see if it had any hope

checked online to see if there were any similar that i could purchase

went onto a site for a store that has designs i love

scrolled through all of the pillows and found a few i liked

finally chose one

when i went to order it

a note popped up

saying members only ‘20% off today – last day,’

i went to officially sign in, it refused my password, saying it had expired

went through the new password process, they sent and email authorization to me

went back in and took a couple of tries to change and save my password

went back in again, now as a ‘member’ , found the pillow, put it in my cart

went to order it and it asked for the code for the discount

went back a few steps, found the code

found the pillow again and put it in my cart again

said it needed me to update my address, as my zip code didn’t match, different since i’ve moved

changed the address info

said discount only applied if ordered online and picked up in store

fine by me, the store is close by

changed the shipping method

finally ordered and said they’d email me when ready for pickup.

went out and did errands and stopped by store to pickup.

manager told me it wasn’t ready yet, but i was welcome to try to find it in the store,

buy it, and then they would cancel my online order

i searched the whole store and found many, many pillows, except for the one i ordered.

she told me they’d let me know when it was found and ready.

on my way out, i saw a rug that i loved, another item i’ve been wanting to replace.

ordered it online from my car in their parking lot to get the ‘member deal’ and drove home.

an hour later, i got the email that my rug was ready for pickup, but no word on the earlier order of the pilow.

decided to climb out of the rabbit hole for the day and wait until i hear that they are both ready to be picked up.

my how it so easy to fall in –

today is a new day

hoping for a soft landing on my pillow on my rug.

—

“all too often, the rabbit hole is as deep as you have dug it.”

-gary hopkins, author

—

image credit: publishers weekly

Jul31

does costco know something?

Posted on July 31, 2024 by beth

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costco’s readywise emergency kit has people worried

While there’s plenty to love at Costco, like the salad kits, sheet cakes, and mini oreo cheesecakes, it has also been prone to some food controversy in the past, including the massive chocolate chunk cookies that were hurting people’s stomachs. Now Costco is stirring up emotions again with its new monster dinner kits that have customers worried the retailer is warning us the apocalypse may be coming.

Costco recently released the Readywise Emergency Food Supply Bucket, which features 150 servings of various food choices. Costco’s website lists the servings as “80 servings of hearty entrées & sides, 30 servings for nourishing breakfasts, and an additional 40 drink servings.”

For $80, this massive meal kit includes 12 servings each of pasta Alfredo, cheesy macaroni, brown sugar and maple multi-grain, apple cinnamon cereal, and 10 servings of white rice. You’ll also find 6 servings each of teriyaki rice, creamy pasta and vegetables, potato pot pie, tomato basil soup with pasta, chicken noodle soup, and crunchy granola. There are also 16 servings of vanilla pudding and orange drink mix, plus 24 servings of whey milk alternative.

The bucket has a 25-year shelf life thanks to being made with freeze-dried and dehydrated foods. You also only need to add water to eat or drink the items. Costco’s website explains that ease of preparation “isn’t just about simplicity; it’s about maintaining a sense of normalcy when the world around you might feel anything but normal.” Naturally, many wondered what this warehouse retailer was trying to get at.

One Instagram user posted about this latest Costco find, calling it the “Costco Apocalypse Dinner Kit,” commenters quickly added their thoughts. One commenter asked, “Does Costco know something?” Someone else added, “If the apocalypse comes, where are you getting fresh water to prepare these dried meals?”

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‘in ‘Shaun of the Dead,’ it’s not shaun’s fault that there’s a zombie apocalypse – he just has to get through the day.’ -edgar wright

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source credits: costco, all recipes, carissa chesanek