Tag Archives: humor

it’s clever, but is it art? – rudyard kipling

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cake

my desire to bake began when i was just a little girl.

i was beside myself with joy when santa brought me an easy bake oven on my 6th christmas.

i imagined myself cranking out pies and cookies and cakes and cupcakes.

and making my first fortune.

i’d set up my bakery along with my lemonade stand.

and people would flock to my store.

and i would spend my days baking and going to first grade.

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finally came the moment

when i whipped up my first cake.

put it in the oven.

realized it was cooked by a light bulb.

and would take a while.

and everything was miniature.

and each cake would serve a small mouse or two.

and i had no way to buy more mixes to bake with.

and it was a dream i’d have to wait on.

years passed.

and i grew up and continued baking.

using a trial and error method.

and i especially loved to make cupcakes for people.

for any and all occasions.

the brits call them fairy cakes.

and that is the perfect name for them.

you love mexican chili chocolate?

coconut lemon cream?

caramel and pecan?

no problem, i can do that.

i wanted them to be pieces of art.

with flavors, and colors, and designs, and surprises.

all wrapped in pretty little papers.

but they didn’t always look that way.

so.

i decided to take a six week cake decorating class.

i signed up and bought all of my supplies.

 tips, turntables, icing knives, pastry bags, pans, colors and flower pins.

and went to my first class.

taught by a seasoned cake decorator.

my classmates –

were a mother and angsty daughter who had never decorated before.

and three teenage employees of the local ice cream store.

i figured i could hold my own with this group.

homework assignments

were to bake cakes and cupcakes and bring them in to decorate.

my kind of  homework!

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and i imagined myself doing this.

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and this.

but –

once we started mixing the frostings, the icings, the colors

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my area actually looked more like this.

i had color all over the place, under my nails, in my cuticles, it dyed my hands and arms and my frosting got too warm and didn’t mix to the right consistency and i had a hard time filling the pastry bag without it getting all over and had to bite the tip off of it as i lost my scissors somewhere in the fray and i had to change tips to make flowers and edgings and all kinds of things and my book was covered in color and was wet and i clogged the class sink when i had to scrape off my buttercream frosting and start over a few times or so.

and somehow, the mother daughter team excelled.

and were naturals, working in sync like a precision ice dancing team.

and the baby teens perfectly piped their cakes, with nary a misstep.

and i wondered how they did it.

and i noticed the ice dancers preloaded their pastry bags at home.

using the colors they wanted, with the tips they needed, and closed off the ends.

and the teens just chose simple designs and one color and one consistency.

aha! that’s it!

but, as the weeks went on,

i never really got better at the process.

luckily our teacher was very kind and diplomatic.

and she liked my ‘shabby chic by accident’ and ‘evil clown’ style cupcakes.

and we all bonded in our mutual creative endeavor.

and shared stories and laughed a lot.

and i accepted that each week i would leave with a different color of skin.

and when we all made our final cakes for graduation day.

 the mom and daughter and teens all had beautiful cakes.

and when my teacher saw my final cake

(at the top of this post)

she said she had never seen a sheep and dachshund and polka dot cake before.

and it looked like a wonderful piece of art.

and she wanted a picture of it to keep in her book.

to show future classes.

and i was a happy baker.

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 Stories aren’t the icing on the cake; they are the cake!

Peter Guber

balls: world cup day one.

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10462432_648248928577162_1859792449697730735_o-2it’s world cup time and team oz is ready.

these guys seem pretty unruffled.

and who needs shorts down under?

best of luck to team u.s.a.

let the games begin!

I say if you’re going to take a chance on something, you just go full balls to the wall.
Toby Keith

image credit: the kangaroo sanctuary Alice Springs

I’m in competition with myself and I’m losing. – Roger Waters

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picturehouse dendy cinemas

what do you get when you combine the 1980s, video arcades, the guinness book of world records, human drama, sabotage, corruption, power, cheating, trash-talking, genius, ego, and insanity?

why, you get ‘the king of kong: a fistful of quarters’ of course. one of my all-time favorite documentaries. this eccentric film, released in 2007, features ‘self-proclaimed legend’ in the world of video arcade games, billy mitchell, florida hot sauce magnate and the holder of the ‘donkey kong champion of the world high scoring’ record for 25 years, and the first perfect game scorer in the history of pac-man, as he is challenged by quiet and brilliant unemployed aerospace engineer/now science teacher from washington,  steve wiebe, who has never won a thing in his life.

in this film, their long distance rivalry and ultimate challenge is played out right before our eyes and under the careful watch of walter day, creator of twin galaxies, and online gaming website gatekeeper. what follows is a classic tale of good vs. evil, davy and goliath, sheer will and karma, and the suspense never stops right up until the very last second.

watching this, i spent 79 fascinating minutes glued to the screen, laughing, crying, cheering and yelling, right along with it. and most of all,  i love that it was categorized under ‘sports’ in the documentary world.

film quotes:

Walter Day: This rivalry is among the greatest: the Yankees and Red Sox… Hekyll and Jekyll.

“I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted the glory, I wanted the fame. I wanted the pretty girls to come up and say, “Hi, I see that you’re good at Centipede.”

Jillian Wiebe (Steve’s wife) : Work is for people who can’t play video games.

image credit: picturehouse/dendy cinema

the aussies are coming! the aussies are coming!

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and i couldn’t be happier.

part of my family lives down under.

and soon

they will be up top with us for a while.

and i will have my dream

of all of the daughters

and all of the sons in law

and all of the grand babies

in one place at one time.

and it is sure to be an adventure.

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future.
Gail Lumet Buckley

I’m sure when they partied when Rome was burning, that was a really great party. – Adam McKay

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here’s hoping that you all had a safe long weekend.

 

“Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.” ― Mark Twain

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i before e, except after c?

silent e at the end of a word with a long vowel in the center?

at times, who in the abc really knows?

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in the recent comedy, ‘bad words,’

jason bateman plays an adult who participates in a kids’ spelling bee

and is required to spell the word,

‘floccinaucinihilipilification.’

(the action or habit of estimating something as worthless) 

ouch.

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“The story’s what matters; spelling’s overrated.” ― Adam Langer, The Salinger Contract

image credits: focus features, growing jeweled rose.com

 

Nothing surpasses the beauty and elegance of a bad idea. – Craig Bruce

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it seemed like such a good idea at the time.

brilliant, in fact.

we were teenagers, with time to kill, and we had a half day of school.

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i invited my friends over for an afternoon of watching our favorite soap opera, all my children.

all sorts of crazy fun was going on with luke and laura and the people of pine valley

and we were going to watch it in style.

my friends were happy to come along for the ride.

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this is how i imagined us watching the show that afternoon….

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reality was a bit different however.

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we took a fan outside,

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wheeled the old tv out on a cart,

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plugged everything in with a giant extension cord,

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got the lounge chairs and drinks in place on the patio,

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put on the sunglass and the sunscreen,

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whipped up a huge buffet of all of the mini frozen pizzas in the house,

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and then.

my mom came home.

and shut down the whole operation.

something about feeding the whole neighborhood

and moving the entire living room to the patio.

and trashing the kitchen.

and as we cleaned up and put everything back,

we made plans to do it the next week at my friend’s house.

it was kind of like a teenage version of ‘cat in the hat’.

except my mom came home in the middle of it.

Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.
 Dennis Wholey

 

 

 

be careful what you wish for and how you pose for a picture

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and the results are in – mark and i have guest posted on each other’s sites, as the end of our friendly wager –

the final tally in the biggest bloggers baseball wager ever is syracuse chiefs 5 games won, toledo mud hens 3 games won.

after a two-week stretch fraught with tight nerves, generous volleys of good-humored trash-talking and on-field triple-a baseball that went down to game eight before a 9-3 chiefs victory in toledo’s fifth third field clinched the title, i have learned a bit.

my last bit of gloat shall come in the accompanying photo. It was taken during my dear wife karen and i’s trip to watch game two of the series at the chief’s nbt bank stadium. truth be told, i came with two other signs: one in case the mud hens won the series, and one in case of a 4-4 deadlock.

I had fun following the results, posting jokes, parrying with beth, and our regular readers and friends who comment on both of our blogs.

so what did i take away from this foray into inter-blogal diamond doings?

triple-a baseball is fun, inexpensive, good for its communities, and played at a high level of talent. oh, i knew that going in, but the reminder is always nice.

i actually like the toledo mud hens, particularly pitcher kyle lobstein, third baseman mike hessman and mascot jim flealand.

i was correct in suggesting this little experiment to beth. when i saw her post about attending the outdoor hockey game and love of the detroit red wings, and comments about the tigers and the teams of her alma mater michigan, i knew i had found a kindred sports fan as well as somebody who appreciates aiming an eye at the vagaries and curiosities of life in general. indeed.

and so i typed this in beth style, sans capital letters, in homage to e.e. cummings i do believe, but perhaps because she has a balky shift key on her main typing keyboard.

i heartily invite you regular readers of i didn’t have my glasses on to hop over to markbialczak.com to check out what beth cross-posted on my blog today about this little escapade. if you happen to spot a headline that interests you on my sidebar, please do click and read. follow, if you wish. come back daily. i’d love to talk.

speaking of the future … my alma mater, maryland, joins the big ten come fall. my terps will be playing beth’s wolverines. there may be some more trash-talking ahead.

Have you ever made a friendly wager and then felt a little bad about settling up? Are you a comfortable trash-talker? Do you despise me even a little bit for the sign I’m holding in the picture?

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so close, and yet so farr…

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thanks jamie farr, for supporting our mud hens

as they pulled it off in the ninth inning last night.

tonight we can tie up this epic series in the final game,

and show writer/rival mark

who’s who in this minor league showdown in toledo.

and i’ll be there to cheer them on.

 http://markbialczak.com/2014/05/01/chiefs-vs-mud-hens-and-theres-going-to-be-some-sort-of-sign/

flokati: a dance, a cereal, or a beloved uncle’s nickname?

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turns out it’s none of the above. it’s the rug i have on my wood floor, and it’s wool comes from a mountain goat or lamb or some sort of unknown animal, perhaps an otter, but it’s hard to know for sure.

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and after such a long and hearty winter, it was time to wash my filthy flokati and bring it back into the fresh and clean spring feel now inhabiting the cottage. i researched online and found that the scandanavians traditionally throw it outside on top of a pile of fresh snow and beat it into clean submission with a stick. i then went with the laundromat option, so as to maintain at least some illusion of normalcy with my neighbors for just a bit longer.

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i invited my friend m to go on a ‘goat washing adventure’ with me. she was in immediately, as she is up for most anything. and while she wasn’t sure exactly what we’d be doing, she knew that we always have fun doing whatever it might be. upon notifying her family, she was quickly questioned by her daughters, who said they never knew you could wash a rug, and asked why it had never happened in their house. and why it was never going to. i understood this, and if mine was not so ‘pet-like’, it never would have happened in my house either. that settled, we headed off to super sud’s.

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all you need:

the flokati, some strong coffee, a bottle of gentle woolite, lots of coins. good company,

and of course, a dog brush.

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greeted by the manager, with no bra, a benjamin the dog sweatshirt,

and a personality like a drill sergeant, who told us not to overload, we were warned and ready.

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ummmm…

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there were so many options, signs, warnings. so much potential for trouble.

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so much math.

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i should have listened better in school.

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more math! and then, not working after all.

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but, somehow it had a homey feel about it. 

and it had with something for everyone.

the kitchen sink, with notes from mom.

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the tech center.

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the two odd cousins in the den.

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the food and entertainment in the family room area.

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the sports memorabilia corner.

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the centrifuge?

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the book nook.  

here i am, reading  and laughing out loud at

‘humor at the speed of life’,

written by fellow blogger, ned, (http://nedhickson.com).

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and here is m, after the wash,

fluffing the flokati, with the dog brush,

bringing it back to it’s original luster. 

she is taking her job very seriously.

and she is primping and pampering her

like dorothy upon arriving in the emerald city.

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and at last, she is a beauty once more.

and after much coffee, many laughs,

more warnings, and a few scoldings from the sergeant, 

we are on our way.

and the flokati

is ready to be welcomed back to the cottage,

fresh and fluffy, once more.

whatever it might be.

and now that i look at it,

i think it might be muskrat wool.

“I’ve buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.”
― Phyllis Diller