Monthly Archives: March 2019

Mar21

less not more.

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i wish this option was available.

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after noticing that my bill had made a huge monthly rate leap

it was time for yet another wacky interaction with my cable provider

the rep was very friendly as he told me

that my old rate was purely promotional

 it had expired without notice

and was no longer available

i then told him that in that case

i’d like to cut back on my service

to restore it to a more reasonable (yet still crazy) rate

he offered to get right to work for me

to find a happy solution to my problem

after thanking me often

during my 37 minutes of insane hold music

my rep came up with my new rate

 i laughed out loud when he quoted me a price

that was actually higher than the one

i was calling about when we began

 he quickly and politely explained

that he had provided me with their premier package

adding in home security, a landline, voice controls,

and i think something to do with walking my cat

(none of which i requested)

 he also told me that he had used

their new state of the art billing service

(why it took so long)

which is very finely tuned

to review my bill and only charge me

based on the channels and services i use

offering me the best possible deal available

i reminded him that i had actually called

to eliminate channels and extra services

and to pay less not more

he politely went back to work on my issue

after a lot more hold music

i eliminated my useless channels and services

declining the best deal in the universe

even after he warned me i would be giving up things such as:

the rodeo clown channel, the quilting channel, and the watching paint dry live channel

i held my ground

and finally

in a twist of fate and luck and cable math

i somehow ended up back at

the special no longer available promotional rate

that i had requested to return to when we started .

—

“the real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.”

-b. f. skinner 

 

 

 

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image credit: gadgetpage.info

Mar20

’tis spring.

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“spring is a true reconstructionist.”

-henry timrod

 

 

 

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artist credit: eli halpin(elihalpin.com)

Mar19

and on the seventh day…

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if you’re like many of us who grew up in the 60s-70s

you’ll no doubt remember the popular ‘days of the week’ underwear sets

i loved the colors, the names,

the sense of knowing what day it was

without having to be burdened with a real calendar

yet i always wondered one thing about them –

why no ‘sunday’ pair?

what was the possible reason for this?

would god be mad if we wore underwear on sunday?

wouldn’t he be even madder if we didn’t?

i knew my catechism nuns wouldn’t have the answers.

i was left wondering.

–

 in the following scene from ‘when harry met sally’

sally explained the reason behind her latest breakup. great minds…..

HARRY: So how come you broke up with Sheldon?…SALLY: Well, if you must know, it’s because he was very jealous and I had these days of the week underpants.HARRY: [Makes buzzer sound]. I’m sorry. I need a judge’s ruling on this. Days of the week underpants?SALLY: Yes. They had the days of the week on them and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, “You never wear Sunday.” He’s all suspicious, “Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday?” And I told him and he didn’t believe me.HARRY: What? SALLY: They don’t make Sunday.HARRY: Why not?SALLY: Because of God.

—

“this is sunday, and the question arises, what’ll I start tomorrow?

-kurt vonnegut

 

 

 

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image credit: sassygrannysnickers on etsy

Mar18

the language of trees.

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NYC Parks Are Using a Designer’s ‘Tree Font’ to Plant Secret Messages with Real TreesNew York City Tree Font Alphabet by Katie Holten

Inspired by the nature around her, artist Katie Holten recently developed the New York City Tree Alphabet. Each letter is represented by an illustration of a different type of tree found in NYC. The letter A, for example is depicted as an ash tree, and the letter O is illustrated as an oak.

Holten is one of the first creatives to become an NYC Parks artist-in-residence, where she was asked to explore “the intersection of art, urban ecology, sustainability, nature, and design.” Holten’s resulting NYC Trees font is now available as a free download to anyone who wants to write secret messages in tree code. Not only that, but the NYC Parks Department plans to actually plant some of the messages as real trees in parks and other public spaces.

“Being an artist-in-residence with Parks meant that I could create a ‘real’ tree alphabet. When I say real, I mean legitimate, sanctioned, approved by the city,” Holten explains. “Often, this is exactly what you don’t want with/for an artwork! But in this case, because I really feel the project is a public service—providing a tool that people can use to interact with public space in a whole new way—it needed to be truthful and practical. It had to be something we could actually plant and that the city supported.”

Holten is currently accepting message submissions via her website. From poems to love letters, you can test out how your words would look as trees using the “Write with Trees” function on her homepage. “Right now, we’re leaving it completely wide open, so we’ve no idea what messages we’ll be planting. I’m excited to see what people send us,” Holten writes. “People have been suggesting words like ‘Dream,’ ‘Hope,’ and ‘Peace.’ But we’re also receiving longer messages, love letters, poems, and short stories. We’re curious to see how we could translate a long text into a grove of planted trees. It’s an exciting challenge and we can make up the rules as we go along, so anything could happen.”

Do you have a message you’d like to translate into your own custom forest? Planting begins in April 2019 in New York City. Download the font for free and check out Holten’s website for more details on the project.

Artist Katie Holten developed the New York City Tree Alphabet—each letter is represented by an illustration of a different type of tree.

New York City Tree Font Alphabet by Katie Holten

“i think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree.”
-joyce kilmer

image credit: Katie Holten 

other credits: mymodernmet.com, emma taggert

Mar17

where your heart is.

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“your feet will bring you where your heart is.”

-irish proverb

happy st. patrick’s day

 

 

 

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image credit: art.com

Mar16

making money.

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kinders have taken up a new hobby – counterfeiting.

 they are now officially a gang.

‘i have ways of making money that you know nothing of.”

-john d. rockefeller

Mar15

find the safe spot.

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after enjoying a day that finally hit a balmy 60 degrees (above zero!)

when home and relaxing at last

the tornado sirens started blasting

tv news was covering the local map live

updating the movement of the storm minute by minute

texts from the sheriffs buzzed saying to take cover.

because i live in an old cottage with no basement to be found

 i went to my safe room (aka the bathroom) to hang out for a while

luckily, my natural survival instincts kicked in

and i took the following items with me to ride out the weather:

phone, laptop. chargers, flashlight, book, hot tea,

and for some unexplained reason –

an uncooked spaghetti squash.

i then decided that i might as well just take a lavender bath

enjoy my book and tea

and let the chips/cottage fall as they may

no worries.

balance was quickly restored

when the weather soon passed us by

and best of all

my spaghetti squash was still intact.

 

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“there is a safe spot within every tornado. my job is to find it.”

-david copperfield

 

 

 

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image credit: lush uk

Mar14

catkins.

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the wonderful legend of one of my very favorite plants.

 kindness, compassion, and gratitude at play. 

 

 

 

 

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image credit: purple almond

Mar13

bambini.

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i so love

my favorite italian restaurant’s

children’s menu options:

bambini –

CHEESE PIZZA 9

PASTA CLEAN 10

PASTA MESSY 10

no other options needed in my opinion

the holy trinity of italian children’s food.

—

“oh, my God, I love pasta.”

-lana condor

 

 

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image credit: eating daily.com – menu credit: mani osteria

Mar12

more or less.

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once again, the kinders have the right message.

 

—

‘the day, water, sun, moon, night –

i do not have to purchase these things with money.”

-plautus