in response to last week’s award show finale –
the platteville library in wisconsin displayed their sharp sense of humor.
—
“a doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.”
-frank lloyd wright
—
credits: art bar, platteville public library
it’s that time of year again
and the ants have stopped by for their annual visit.
as i now know that their newborns may outlive me at this point
i may just leave my cottage to them in my will.
—
“if ants are such busy workers, how come they find time to go to all the picnics?”
-marie dressler
—
image credit: mentalflossmagazine
the downward-facing up on the wall and on your head style
(includes the mysterious vanishing sheets technique)
the get inside of your sheets and try to camouflage yourself in them
while you creep across the floor and think no one will notice style
the fall asleep by accident in spite of yourself
and all of your best efforts to not to style,
while wrapped up in a sweaty and twisted cocoon
made of your own body and bedding.
—
“life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.”
-fran lebowitz
whether they are
next to firewood and a weinermobile at a grocery store
or
in front of a hare krishna drum circle on the university diag
the scouts sell on.
“a scout smiles and whistles under all circumstances.”
-robert baden-powell
—
credits: buzzfeed, googleimages
t-rex heads into the weekend with a broken claw, an avengers bandaid, and a few less teeth-
but still standing.
—
“you know, hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.”
― bill watterson – calvin and hobbes
left wondering
how this sizable and colorful bra
ended up in the bag of children’s dress-up clothes
just sitting there quietly
mixed amongst
the mermaid, the dragon, and the cowboy gear
and who it might belong to.
all i know for sure is that
there is a story in here somewhere.
—
“i have never been bored an hour in my life.
i get up every morning wondering what new strange glamorous thing is going to happen
and it happens at fairly regular intervals.
-william allen white
(not me, just a low-budget re-enactor)
when my garage door opener stopped opening
the garage door opener guy came over to check it out
his prognosis:
it was going to need to be replaced
it was quickly wearing out and about done.
when i asked if it was like when your grandma is slowing fading away
he said:
“grandma is dead.”
with that, he disconnected it
told me that i would acquire new muscles
opening and closing it by hand each day
until i got a new opener system.
i figured i could put it off for a few days and then deal with it
but life interfered
as it so often does.
this morning
as i was headed out for the day
i grabbed the door to close it
but
four fingers of my hand
somehow got stuck in the folding panels of the door as i rolled it down
i yelled out and quickly sprung into action
used my other hand to open it back up
fueled by superhuman (sort of) strength and adrenaline
to save the hand that felt like
it was being painfully crushed by an angry gorilla.
with teeth.
on caffeine.
i saw myself in a precarious position
with no time to waste
like
james franco
in “127 hours”
where he had to use his dull pocket knife to saw off his arm
that was wedged between boulders in order to save his own life.
(james, before he sprung into action)
once i freed my hand
i surveyed the damage
four squeezed fingers
with deep scarlet creases
swollen and throbbing
but all parts still there
good news.
i drove with one hand to the home improvement store
walked to the back
found a wonderfully friendly worker who turned and said
“follow me to the wall and i hope i won’t be moving too fast.”
to which i replied:
“well, you do have an advantage.”
his response –
“really? i am in a wheelchair and you are walking on two legs.”
okay, so yes.
didn’t think of that.
put my little mishap into perspective.
he turned and smiled and said:
“i’m just kidding, but i am in a wheelchair.”
yes.
and that was it
he was great
we talked about his kids and school and teaching and accidents
the new stuff is ordered and the guys will be here this week to put it all in.
in the scheme of things
not too bad
not like the time i broke my toe dancing in the house and kicked the bathroom door when leaping.
or the time i sprained my foot playing family extreme badminton barefoot.
or the time i got my fingers caught in the hand mixer
when i was trying to pull out the beaters and it was still plugged in.
or the time i_______ (fill in the blank here numerous times)
no, not like those times.
but i’m thinking i should maybe ask for a pocket knife for mother’s day.
–
*disclaimer: this blog post was written with my ‘other hand’ and i am not responsible for errors.
—
“they’re funny things, accidents. you never have them till you’re having them.”
― a.a. milne
—
credits: fox searchlight films/127 hours, lowes, google images
glen frey the cat not the rockstar
has been rescued by me
twice now
both times from precarious situations
he was always very skittish and fearful of most everything
probably based on the traumatic experiences he’d been through
but
after the second time
he suddenly
became very affectionate
and clearly decided
that it was important
to remind me of this
each morning around 3:30
he does this in a way
that there can be no doubt
jumping on my bed
nuzzling/pummeling me with his head
kneading everything he can find
purring loudly
circling around me
and somehow it feels like he is
an giant octopus nudging me to wake up with his head and eight hands
until i am sufficiently awake
then he finally settles in
laying on my feet
with what feels like an immovable 237 pounds or so of pure cat muscle
and promptly goes to sleep
snoring and in deep r.e.m.
maybe he thinks we are on guard duty and need to take shifts?
who needs an alarm?
—
“i read that when cats are cuddling and kneading you, and you think it’s cute,
they’re really just checking your vitals for weak spots.”
-kandyse mcClure
—
credits: pinterest – finland 1950s, word porn
I didn't have my glasses on.... 