Tag Archives: humor

run with your legs to be fast, run with your mind to be faster, run with your heart to be unstoppable. – aalaynah thompson

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we trained together for a year

to be ready

for a long

3-day event

for charity

and

we thought

it would

also

 make us healthier

in the process.

***

except that

we weren’t

the most natural

or best

walkers/runners

but we pushed on

and for

many, many days

we walked

through town

or

in the countryside

or

on the road

or

inside the mall

with

the hardcore seniors

during blizzards

or

anywhere we could find

an open space.

***

funny-galapagos-olympics-tortoise-turtles-racing-grass-pics

then one day

upon arriving at a park

for another training day

we saw a race beginning

and

on a whim

we decided

to start late

and  join in

at the back

just for practice

and

we somehow

started moving up

in spite of ourselves

slowly but surely

until we were

near

the front of the pack

and suddenly

out of the blue

i got crazily competitive

not my usual mindset

at all

and i yelled out

‘i can take them!’

as i raced past

the front two people.

****

okay,

so

they happened to be

a very elderly man

and

a person with a noticeable limp

and

i

won the race

and

got a gold medal and a massage and a granola bar

and

i felt like

forrest gump

just dropping

into

the middle

of something

and

somehow

winning

by accident

and

it was

that moment of

crazy heart

that

made me unstoppable

and i’m sorry to have run past you –

people who thought you were going to win

and were in the front

and i know

you were old and infirm

but at last

i had found my pace

and my tribe

and

it was

quite a day.

****

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—

image credits: flickr.com

you can’t create a monster, then whine when it stomps on a few buildings. – yeardley smith

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it seemed like a good idea at the time

it was science

and

they were to be

our class pets

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i ordered the eggs from smithsonian

sea monkeys

aka

triops

aka

prehistoric sea monsters

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i heeded the warnings

and got the kinders

very excited

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and

followed the directions

exactly

then we waited

for them to hatch

their birthday

was to be

in three days

and

then

nothing happened

and

still

nothing happened

the eggs

had failed to hatch

and we

said goodbye to them

and i

ceremoniously

flushed their water

down the toilet

then

today

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there was an ‘incident’

when one of my colleagues

was using the restroom in the hallway

first

strange noises were heard

then

a volcanic eruption

of color

and

water

and

who knows what

happened

and

she ran away

shrieking

and then

the experts

were called in

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an out of order sign went up

and

there were men

and tools

and water

and i guess

prehistoric sea monster fighting weapons

of some sort

and now

i picture them

somehow

having

come to life

 mutating

giants

and

taking over

the entire sewer system

IMG_0468but

it could

just be a coincidence

i hope.

——–

there are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.
-andre gide

is it us?

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or does anyone else

see the irony

in

a 10-minute limit

for parking

at a post office?

why do they

threaten us

with an

unknown

punishment

(maybe having to work a shift there?)

if we are

still parked in their lot

after 10 minutes

and then

force us

to stand in line

for 45 minutes?

—-
the federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service.

i could lose your mail for half of that.

– pat paulsen

—

credits: many thanks to my boyfriend, marc for sharing the ironies in life with me.

life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep. – fran lebowitz

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nacho the cat not the food

isn’t spending much time

worrying about life

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he’s got better things to do

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adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

-ralph waldo emerson

fame is a series of misunderstandings surrounding a name. – joni mitchell

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dailyenglish.in.th

 i’ve been wondering.

were

greenland and iceland

 somehow

mixed up in the naming process?

was the paperwork confusing?

did no one

catch the error until it was too late?

did someone

not have their glasses on?

was there a translation issue?

why did they not fix it ?

 my theory is

that it would have been

too expensive and too much bother

to change all of the logos on the cocktail napkins

once they had already been printed.

 *******

image credits: dailyenglish.in.th

it’s saturday. it’s cold. sleep in. the opera will come.

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when children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief. – henry fielding

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one thing about a guilty conscience…it tells on itself EVERY TIME.

– author unknown

—

image credit: kangaroo rescue sanctuary – alice springs, australia

“get a bicycle. you will certainly not regret it, if you live.” ~ mark twain 


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i was

so excited

to buy

my brand new

townie bike

it was

cream-colored

and fancy

flikr.com

and

i imagined myself

riding on a beautiful sunny day

into town

carrying spring flowers in my basket

looking at all the sights

along the way

waving to neighbors

i named it

‘white lightning’

because

of it’s beautiful color

and

because

i would ride fast on it

with the

wind at my back

i rode it out of the store

and

because

i’d been in spin class

for a while

and

feeling free

and confident

i took off like a rocket

into the parking lot

and quickly

lost control

and

slammed into

my daughter’s shopping cart

i’d forgotten about

the

‘balance factor’

and

we laid in the parking lot

laughing our

baskets off

as

people walked by

probably

thinking we were drunk

in the middle of the day

but we knew

it was only

the beginning

of

many

bike adventures

to come.

—–

image credits: schwinn.com, flikr.com

no foolin’.

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just in time

glasses on

i read

i heed

the warning.

could have been

such

a disaster.

who would

have

ever imagined

that i

should not

toast

the warning paper

that comes

stuffed into

in the

new toaster

warning me

not to toast

the

warning paper?

—

lord, what fools these mortals be!

-william shakespeare , “a midsummer night’s dream”

christmas is coming! christmas is coming!

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and there’s no stopping it now,

so get on board or stand back!

—

image credit: google.com