i have at last found the perfect way
to measure my walks through the parks.
reindeer know what’s up.
Sep16
Tag Archives: humor
Sep14
off and back on.
(joey, a well-paid reenactor thoughtfully demonstrating how tired i was)
—
“maybe if you go to bed you’ll feel better in the morning”
is literally just the human version of
“have you tried turning it off and back on again?”
– word porn
—
image credit: emgn
Sep6
landslide.
i parked along a beautiful winding road
walked a few hundred feet
to find this unmarked path
winding its way in switchbacks
all the way up to the top of this park
with natural steps made of roots and branches
and proceeded to climb
in my new shoes
1/2 size larger than the 1st pair that i’d worn out
now a size 6 1/2 instead of a solid 6
it was my first time out in them
and quickly found that
i was not yet used to the extra bit of shoe
suddenly it felt like i was walking in
giant slippery clown shoes or snorkel flippers
it was awkward
i kept kicking things
lots of near misses
almost tripping over things
until i finally really tripped on a large tree root
way up high
and found myself sliding
all the way back down to the bottom of the hill
like a scene from an old spaghetti western
i’m sure i yelled out something
and
stopping again right back where i’d started
near the beautiful road
where a cyclist happened to be riding by
who stopped to see if i was okay
just a bit dusty and surprised really
i stood up once more
and used my giant paddle feet to climb again
this time making it all the way to the top and into the park
none the worse for wear
and i am happy that i was not hiking in the grand canyon.
—
“here at the fountain’s sliding foot, / or at some fruit tree’s mossy root, /
casting the body’s vest aside, / my soul into the boughs does glide.”
-andrew marvell
—
kuebler langford park, ann arbor, mi, usa
Aug25
tipping point.
even our sweet neighbors, the canadians, have a tipping point.
—
“truth is the greatest marketing campaign.”
-richie norton
—
photo credit: s. townsend
Aug19
eclipsed.
for some reason
in anticipation of the upcoming solar eclipse
i decided that it would be a great time
to make 120 ‘solar eclipse’ cookies.
the plan was to give them to 3 different groups of people
who i would see this weekend
the recipe looked quite easy
and fitting in with the spirit of the big day
the idea was to add the sun yellow and moon chocolate icings
to the perfect moon shapes
increasing the dark moon coverage on each one
showing all of the phases of the eclipse
during the process
smoke and grease and sugar and cocoa and lemon
filled the kitchen
it took hours
the outcome was not quite as i expected
i’m not sure what exactly went wrong
but i am sure there were lots of things that did
the end result was best described by
steve carell while in character on ‘the office’ –
“it looks like it was put together by baby monkeys living on a farm.”
i’m going to embrace that and take it as a compliment
i know that the eclipse makes lots of things go a bit off kilter
and i can’t wait to see how excited everyone is
to receive this very special gift from me.
—
“there’s a victory in letting go of your expectations.”
-mike white
Aug18
unsung hero.
got a call from ‘h’ daughter number three
suddenly looking for solar eclipse glasses
we both called all of our possible sources
everyone was sold out
until
my last call
to the 7-11 store
right downtown
in the heart of the student area
the woman on the phone whispered
“the truck just came in with a shipment”
felt like i was in a mob movie
this was magic to my ears
the boys jumped barefoot into my car
we zoomed a few blocks to downtown
quickly pulled into an expired parking space
somewhat close to the store
(disclaimer: all of this was done safely, mom and dad,
so i’m not banned from future care taking)
just as i got out of my car
i spied a meter maid 3 cars ahead
intense and on a mission
the boys would try to talk her out of it
if she wanted to ticket us
just then
the police arrived to have a discussion
with a group of people and their dogs
who had gathered across the street
enough to distract and delay the meter maid hopefully
ran to the store
and straight into a dead stop
right at the back of a giant line
of students ordering up grilled food
paying with change
moving slowly
apparently not needing to be anywhere
found a friendly worker
asked her if they still had the glasses
she was reluctant and nervous at first
looked around
over her shoulder
said she could only sell me one
when i asked her
to please sell me a few more
the godfather/district manager
who happened to be in the store
overheard and stepped in
giving her the nod/authorizing her
to sell me what i needed
she moved me up to her register
rang me up
she was giggling and happy and smiling with the glasses in hand
my unsung hero
who worked small miracles on this day
i knew i had to sprint back to the car
but while i was in there
negotiating my deal
cement workers had arrived
and closed off the sidewalk
took a detour
made it to the car in time
with all the glasses i needed
no harm no foul
the stars had aligned
happy to have pulled off this caper
boys having learned some real life skills
no ticket
so glad to have met a person
who went the extra mile to help
that i gave her a tip
and wrote her a haiku in gratitude.
—
hero haiku
here’s to you hero
big gulp lotto chips seller
you make people smile
—
“for a true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength,
but by the strength of his heart.”
(or her)
-zeus (from hercules)
Aug5
food of the soul.
at my daughter’s house
getting ready to take the boys to a movie
i opened the freezer and looked for
something healthy and quick to eat before leaving
i chose what appeared to be
some quinoa/whole oats/ancient grains kind of thing
took off the top and heated it up
when i took my first bite i soon realized
there had been a mistake
on my part
it had a taste and texture that really didn’t register
as anything i had ever eaten before
vaguely familiar, but not so much
far from an ancient grain
and it did not taste good
though perhaps was healthy
i looked back again at the top
this time really looking
and saw that it was lightly labeled ‘bee wax’
no doubt from their hives in the backyard
ah, that.
“and what, socrates, is the food of the soul?
surely, I said, knowledge is the food of the soul.”
-plato
Aug4
can’t see.
f learns what happens when good goggles go bad.
—
“it’s all fun and games ’till someone loses an eye,
then it’s just fun you can’t see.”
-james hetfield
Jul17
crows.
interrupted a meeting in the park today
wonder what they’re planning…
—
“never a good sign, he thought, when the crows showed up.”
-justin cronin
Jul10
guts and care.
when their quesadilla is too hot to eat
leave it to the little ones
to think out of the box.
one holds the quesadilla pieces,
while the other rides the rowing machine
to move the fan to cool the food.
problem solved.
—
for every two minutes on the rowing machine
riding fast to cool the food
you can eat one triangle and call it even.
#family math
—
‘creating problems is easy. we do it all the time. finding solutions, ones that last and produce good results, requires guts and care.’
-henry rollins
I didn't have my glasses on.... 