Tag Archives: humor

birthday suit.

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mg took me out

for a big birthday night

relaxed fancy dinner

4 star restaurant

chocolate

concert

great company.

—

we looked up the dress code

before leaving home

and were so very pleasantly surprised.

—

Dress Code
We want all of our guests to feel comfortable.

Therefore, all guests must comply with our dress code.

Anyone found in violation will be required to leave.

• No see-through clothing
• No exposed private parts
• No offensive material or language
• No visible undergarments

—

we wondered what must have happened for them

to have felt the need put this code in place.

and it also

 really put a damper on my planned ensemble.

—

‘good humor is one of the best articles of dress

one can wear in society.’

– william makepeace thackeray

i can live for two months on a good compliment. – mark twain

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compliment from a random robot?

yes, please.

i’ll take it!

woke up and didn’t smell the coffee.

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“when things go wrong don’t go with them”
– elvis presley

law and disorder.

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when baby j found himself on the wrong side of the law.

—

“i promise you a police car on every sidewalk.”

-marion barry

claws.

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why batgirl will always beat wolverine at cards.

life is too short for traffic. ~dan bellack

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there is something wrong with this.

it’s like starting out your journey

by surrendering to the inevitable traffic jam,

knowing you’ll be frustrated and angry.

what about making

a tiny carry-out espresso cup

instead

that reads:

“just a quick shot to enjoy

as we’re sure you will

soon be arriving

at your destination?” 

i could really go for that.

“i’m the king of the gourd!”

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last weekend, the residents of tualatin, oregon held its annual west coast giant pumpkin regatta—a quirky annual october event in which participants dress in costumes, hollow giant gourds into makeshift vessels, and paddle them across a local lake.

the oversized squash are generously provided by the pacific giant vegetable growers, a regional group of gardeners who promote the cultivation of “obscenely large, healthy vegetables.” (this year, one of their offerings tipped the scale at 1,794.5 pounds.)

after the pumpkins are measured in a “terminator weigh off,” they’re cut open, scooped out, and transformed into tiny watercrafts.

contestants climb into them, take to the water, and engage in a series of races—that is, if their boats don’t start leaking, which happened to at least one contestant.

twenty-one individuals attempted the 2015 regatta—a physical feat that, despite its whimsical nature, one frustrated rower described to as “brutal” and “exhausting.” now in its 12th incarnation, the regatta drew thousands of onlookers, who enjoyed pie-eating contests, costume competitions, and live entertainment while they weren’t watching others flail around in the water.

—

“i would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself,

than be crowded on a velvet cushion.”

― henry david thoreau

—

credits: mental floss magazine, oregon live

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

smart.

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a person without a sense of humor

is like a wagon without springs.

It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.

– henry ward beecher

a mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm will go further than a great idea that inspires no one. – mary kay ash

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yes!

how lucky am i?!

cadbury!

chocolate!

giant-sized!

limited edition!

and

filled with…

oh.

—

 

 

 

nuts.

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recently

i’ve found myself

in an

ongoing battle of the wits

with the squirrels

who come to play in my yard

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and who

have recently

 kicked

their games of

mischief

and

merry-making

up a notch

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rearranging the candles

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messing up the table

eating buds from

the bright green gardenia plant

just as it’s about to bloom

tearing down and making off

with the tiny flags

and

leaving nothing but

 a trail of snacks behind

squ

i picture them holding secret meetings

inside the knothole

of the big tree out front

assigning jobs

creating new strategies

giggling

chattering

in their native squirrel language

discussing

how to

step up their game

and

i am

losing the battle

but

next

i’m

going to

 try to make friends with them

or

go undercover.

—

‘right now, we’re just trying to

beat the squirrels to the pine nuts.’

– arlene ward

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image credits: squirrelpicnic.com, rabbitwhiskers.com, littlenummies.net, those darn squirrels