Author Archives: beth

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About beth

Ann Arbor-ite writes about enjoying life with all of its ironies and surprises.

hunger harness.

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reynolds wrap made a food harness to keep your favorite super bowl snacks close
If you plan to watch the big game today on Super Bowl Sunday, and also anticipate eating your body weight in food while doing so, take a look back at Super Bowl 2019, when the aluminum foil aficionados at Reynolds Wrap had something they wanted to show you. Here was their unique promotional offering:

You can now satiate your appetite without moving a muscle or missing a play, thanks to the Reynolds Wrap Hunger Harness. This $5 “wearable snack pack” has plenty of pockets to hold your appetizers, main course, snacks, and beverage, all while keeping your food nice and toasty. Essentially, it’s a mini kitchen you can wear like a front-facing backpack or a baby carrier, because after all, snacks are precious cargo.

Want to nervously munch on mozzarella sticks and mini bean burritos while you yell at the referee on your TV screen? Just tuck them into the upper thermal pouch in your Hunger Harness and you’re good to go. Want to make sure you have enough tortilla chips to last through the halftime show? There’s a side pocket for that, too—plus an insulated slot for your queso or dip of choice. A built-in food tray rests on your lap and “turns you into a human table,” and there’s also a pouch for a can of your beverage of choice.

The Hunger Harness was sold in waves in limited quantities and is no longer available. Some may be found on other sites, but are now extremely rare. Just get out that old Baby Bjorn and repurpose as needed! Be creative! If you’re thinking of procuring one for yourself, please heed this advice from Reynolds: “Use caution when handling hot food and beverages.” Lovers of lava-hot pizza rolls, you’ve been warned.

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“our inventions mirror our secret wishes.”

-lawrence durrell

 

 

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credits: emily petsko, reynolds

 

bell bottom blues.

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not mine, but a pretty accurate ‘before’ picture of my bellbottoms

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with the return of outdoor ice-skating weather

i’m reminded of my ill-fated misadventure

when i made a choice to combine my bells with my skating.

and it wasn’t a good thing.

i was ‘home-ec’ years old

 in middle school

loved the cooking part

horrible at the sewing part

decided i’d make bellbottoms

instead of a stupid apron

ignoring the fact that

i wasn’t good at it

just wanted to get it done

bought some cool blue fabric and a pattern

somehow stitched it together

but really didn’t get the concept of alterations

all i knew was that

they should be very tight and have very big bells at the bottom

so i finally took a yardstick

just drew a chalk line on each inseam

didn’t measure anything

stitched them up

modeled them for our fashion show to pass the class

noticed they were quite tight even when just standing

 went ice-skating with my friends after school

wearing my new very skin-tight bells

to impress my crush who would be there

looking cool with my skates and my bells

it all began well

then we played crack the whip

it all took a turn

when i sailed across the ice

stopping in a huge snowbank

so fun

until i fully stood up

realizing

my entire inseam

from ankle to ankle

had all torn out

leaving me more or less wearing

a tight maxi-skirt/chaps type of garment

brought new meaning to ‘cool’

tried to casually walk home through the snow in my skates

with an air of ‘what?, this happens all the time, pretty normal…’

another reason why i am a teacher and not a seamstress.

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“bell bottom blues, you make me cry…”

-derek and the dominos- eric clapton

 

 

 

portrait.

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one of the kinder drew this portrait of me in class

and

it is one of my favorite portraits of all time. 

 

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‘every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.”

-oscar wilde

to shoe or not to shoe?

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yes, these are my glitter shoes again, brought out for special occasions. 

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while i do so love to be barefoot or in sandals whenever possible

there are times when shoes are needed,

like novemeber-march in michigan

and sometimes on small holidays or dance party fridays.

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“when I die I don’t want to be wearing shoes.

i want to have just enough notice so that I can pull them off and get comfortable.

shoes mean death snuck up on you.

shoes mean you had other plans.” 

-jason buchholz, a paper son

passage.

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 passage into early evening calm

 

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“snow

while falling it hides your passage

when finished it documents your path” 

― richard l. ratliff

qwerty.

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not me, but someone from back in the day 
who is frustrated by the illogical order of the keyboard.

have you ever wondered why the letters on the keyboard are organized the way they are? while it seems like the letters were randomly strewn across the keys, this method of organizing the keyboard was developed as way to slow down typists. back in 1872, typewriter users were typing too fast and causing the typewriters to jam. so, the QWERTY method actually kept the machines from breaking down and is still used today.

 

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“wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast. ”    

-william shakespeare

 

 

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source: mental floss, noam

 

whimsy’s on its way.

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note to this townie and his car

who’ve made so many smile:

Shout out to the person driving the smart car that looks like a little tykes cozy coupe! 

Everyone loves it and it brings all of the smiles and laughs every time you are spotted! :)

 

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“whimsy doesn’t care if you are the driver or the passenger; all that matters is that you are on your way.”

-bob goff

zoom out.

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just as i was thinking about it being so cold in ann arbor

that the water bottle in my car froze,

my friend sent this pic 

saying it’s so hot in perth

that the cadbury bars melted.

i said, ‘at least it’s warm there,’

she said, ‘at least you have snow there.’

zoom.

 

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“life is about perspective and how you look at something… ultimately, you have to zoom out.”

-whitney wolfe herd

 

games.

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let the games begin!

 

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“a lifetime of training for just ten seconds.”

-jesse owens

 

 

 

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olympic art credit: rachel whiteread

indulgence.

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so,

when you put it that way…

it really is no contest.

which way would you go?

 

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“my life has been a magnificent indulgence.”

-dick van dyke