Category Archives: humor

“get a bicycle. you will certainly not regret it, if you live.” ~ mark twain 


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i was

so excited

to buy

my brand new

townie bike

it was

cream-colored

and fancy

flikr.com

and

i imagined myself

riding on a beautiful sunny day

into town

carrying spring flowers in my basket

looking at all the sights

along the way

waving to neighbors

i named it

‘white lightning’

because

of it’s beautiful color

and

because

i would ride fast on it

with the

wind at my back

i rode it out of the store

and

because

i’d been in spin class

for a while

and

feeling free

and confident

i took off like a rocket

into the parking lot

and quickly

lost control

and

slammed into

my daughter’s shopping cart

i’d forgotten about

the

‘balance factor’

and

we laid in the parking lot

laughing our

baskets off

as

people walked by

probably

thinking we were drunk

in the middle of the day

but we knew

it was only

the beginning

of

many

bike adventures

to come.

—–

image credits: schwinn.com, flikr.com

no foolin’.

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just in time

glasses on

i read

i heed

the warning.

could have been

such

a disaster.

who would

have

ever imagined

that i

should not

toast

the warning paper

that comes

stuffed into

in the

new toaster

warning me

not to toast

the

warning paper?

lord, what fools these mortals be!

-william shakespeare , “a midsummer night’s dream”

why?

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     now you might reasonably say to me: “why put yourself through all this? why go up to the loft when you know the decorations won’t be there? why untangle the lights when you know they haven’t a chance of working?” and my answer to you is that this is part of the ritual. christmas wouldn’t be christmas without it.’  bill bryson – ‘notes from a big country’

What...im-busy-for-Christmas-eve

ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight. – john bradshaw

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when i got this box

and quickly

glanced at it

something

told my imagination

that the amazon guy

who never saw

or met me

or had any idea

or cared in the least

who i am

was

paying me

a bizarre compliment

then i realized

it

was just

a bit

of

dyslexic trickery

and

ego speak.

go! no. yes. go! no! go! oh!

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it’s here.

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fear and hope are alike underneath. –

richard ford

things that go bump in the night.

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a021081such a chilly night

that i

ran up

the stairs

 to my

cozy

loft bedroom

with the

slanted ceilings

and i

was

so happy

to be there

that i

jumped into bed

just like

in the movies

with piles of

warm soft blankets

and

pillows

waiting for me

but

 somehow

my head

went first

and i

jumped into

the slanted ceiling

instead

then i

fell into bed

holding my head

and wondering

would i

wake up?

and i

 saw a few stars

though i

 don’t have a skylight

so i

wrote down

two questions

to ask myself

to check on

 my

potential concussion

who is the president?

what is your name?

that’s what

they always ask

in the movies

but i

 forgot

to wake up

to ask them of myself

and i

forgot

to write down the answers

how

would i

ever know

if i

got them right?

all

that i

do know for sure

is

that i

woke up

with

a  giant bump

of some kind

on my head

pinte.com

don’t let your head get in the way of your hearts direction…

– daniel engelbrecht

 

image credits: wbur.org, pinterest.com

why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?  – ron alderson

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happy national nacho day

to all of the nachos in my life

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nacho the food not the cat

IMG_1556nacho the cat not the food

ALBERT EINSTEIN

einstein explaining the theory of nachos

you have all made my life so much better

“life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it.” – danny kaye

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strangebeav.com

not me or anyone i know,

but we do share the same room painting technique. 

paint project

in

my loft bedroom 

up high in the cottage

paint clothes on

sweat pants with lost drawstring

falling down

somehow rear end 

gets painted

and

lying back

on my tarp covered bed

moved to the center of the room

painting

the low arched ceiling above

paint on my face 

in my ears

in my hair

nacho the cat not the food

crying downstairs

the whole time

finally coming up

 getting wet paint on him

tracking downstairs

must have been

raised by

depressed

coyotes

he does not meow

like a cat

it is more of a

soulful mourning 

bug flies

into the whirlwind

and creates

a textured wall

head hit

on angled walls

time and time again

arms covered

in splatter

i stand

on tippy-toes

balanced precariously

on the edge of the stairs 

 to reach tiny corners

paint dripping and drying

on wood floor in kitchen below

chip it off

curtain downstairs 

taken off 

to avoid paint

but

rod broken in process

painting quickly 

before the dark of night

when it’s impossible to see up there

in the mood lighting

wow

that’s a lot of color

i can’t wait

to see it

in the daylight

out of paint

put empty can in car

paint gets on seats

goo be gone 

leaves a mark

i’ve decided 

not to become

 a professional

house painter

‘one must act in painting as in life, directly.’ -pablo picasso

 

ruffled?

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