“i would challenge you to a battle of wits, but i see you are unarmed.”
-william shakespeare
—
photo credit: gregory dukor/reuters, google images
Jul17
Category Archives: humor
Jul9
ninja vs. peaches.
when i received my ninja 1000
as a wonderful gift
i (aka peaches) was elated
ready to chop, dice shred, blend, puree..
but right from the beginning
it was clear that my ninja had the same plans for me
every time i used it
my fingers would somehow end up sliced
everyone i asked who had one
said this had never happened to them
and it was obvious to me
that the ninja was winning.
in my own ninja counter move
i have decided to pass him on
to another potential victim
with the user’s manual, a box of ‘my little pony’ bandaids,
and a wish to both of them for the best of luck.
*tangent: during this saga, i was reminded of the pink panther movies
where peter sellers and his manservant/ninja, cato
were constantly battling in surprise situations
in an effort to keep inspector clouseau in top form.
*Cato Fong is Clouseau’s Chinese manservant, trained to attack him regularly to keep him alert and skilled in martial arts. Cato and Clouseau have a love-hate relationship, with their fights being long and vicious, as well as destructive to the furniture, and always interupted by the telephone ringing, at which point they will become civil again. Cato puts a lot of effort into taking his employer by surprise, and Clouseau never really feels safe as Cato will stop at nothing. A running gag is Cato attacking Clouseau during a romantic moment, or else Clouseau going away and Cato transforming the apartment.
—
“only a ninja can stop a ninja”
-sho kosygin
—
credits: united artists, pink panther films
Sep14
organization.
to do list – style a:
play with the ponies 1.
pack the cars. 2.
go to bed 3.
get in the car to go on vacation 4.
do fun things 5.
—
a major contrast in approaches
both with the same desired outcome
two grandies
each with their own
style of list
and
way of getting ready
and
organizing things
to go on a trip.
—
to do list – style b:
(loose translation):
‘go around and around in a twisty circle and get some stuff done
and not some other stuff and then hide for a while
and eat something you find outside
and then get in the car to go on vacation and do fun things.’
—
(i am more of a ‘b-list style’ of organizer. what about you – a or b?)
—
“the process and organization leading up to cooking the egg
can tell you a lot about the cook.”
-david chang
Mar29
the dog is the god of frolic. – henry ward beecher
saw the listing below
in our city’s
rec and ed catalog
and
thought about
dogs
and how
they don’t really need
a class in this
it seems to come
quite naturally
to most of them
but
how great
it would be
for some
of the humans
to take this class.
—
the great pleasure of a dog
is that you may make a fool of yourself with him
and not only will he not scold you,
but he will make a fool of himself too.
– samuel butler
—
credits: youtube, ann arbor rec and ed department
Feb5
‘let’s just make something quick ‘n easy.’
(actual brick, not the frozen chili brick, but a very close resemblance)
—
it was a blustery night
mg and i had gone out early for a bit
then later
as we settled in
for a movie
and a place on the couch
in warm pajamas
we had the great idea
to make
something
to eat
that was
‘quick ‘n easy’
we were
too tired
to even
make sandwiches
and
that’s when
we found it
the massive
frozen brick of leftover chili
the perfect solution
no effort involved
no trouble at all
but
first
we had to get it out
of it’s plastic container
and thought
it would pop right out
but
it was frozen solid to the sides
we used hot water
and knives
and all kinds of sharp objects
and we wrestled with it
and looked for the scissors
to cut the container
off of it
and finally
coaxed it out
and
into the pan
where it refused
to return to it’s original form
and we scraped it
and flipped it
and splashed stuff all over
and tried to chop it up
and chipped away at it
yet
the brick held fast
and i wished
we had
a blowtorch
and we were almost sweating
from all the exertion
and we could not stop laughing
at this quick ‘n easy solution
and i heard things like:
‘maybe a sandwich would have been easier after all’
and
‘i think we’re making some headway with the edges’
and
we laughed even harder
as it steamed
and simmered
and sputtered
and finally:
‘i want to be positive and not negative, but there is still a lot of it that is frozen…’
and
it held fast
and we decided to walk away for a time
and when we returned
it had
somehow
transformed
back
to its
liquid state of being
at last
and
we poured it into bowls
and it was hot as all get up
and our tongues were on fire
and it
hadn’t exactly been
‘quick ‘n easy’
but
it was so worth it.
——
leftovers in their less visible form are called memories.
stored in the refrigerator of the mind and the cupboard of the heart.
-thomas fuller
Jan30
enthusiasm.
-enthusiasm is the yeast that raises the dough.
paul j. meyer
—-
image credit: google images
Jan26
run with your legs to be fast, run with your mind to be faster, run with your heart to be unstoppable. – aalaynah thompson
we trained together for a year
to be ready
for a long
3-day event
for charity
and
we thought
it would
also
make us healthier
in the process.
***
except that
we weren’t
the most natural
or best
walkers/runners
but we pushed on
and for
many, many days
we walked
through town
or
in the countryside
or
on the road
or
inside the mall
with
the hardcore seniors
during blizzards
or
anywhere we could find
an open space.
***
then one day
upon arriving at a park
for another training day
we saw a race beginning
and
on a whim
we decided
to start late
and join in
at the back
just for practice
and
we somehow
started moving up
in spite of ourselves
slowly but surely
until we were
near
the front of the pack
and suddenly
out of the blue
i got crazily competitive
not my usual mindset
at all
and i yelled out
‘i can take them!’
as i raced past
the front two people.
****
okay,
so
they happened to be
a very elderly man
and
a person with a noticeable limp
and
i
won the race
and
got a gold medal and a massage and a granola bar
and
i felt like
forrest gump
just dropping
into
the middle
of something
and
somehow
winning
by accident
and
it was
that moment of
crazy heart
that
made me unstoppable
and i’m sorry to have run past you –
people who thought you were going to win
and were in the front
and i know
you were old and infirm
but at last
i had found my pace
and my tribe
and
it was
quite a day.
****
—
image credits: flickr.com
Jan18
is it us?
or does anyone else
see the irony
in
a 10-minute limit
for parking
at a post office?
why do they
threaten us
with an
unknown
punishment
(maybe having to work a shift there?)
if we are
still parked in their lot
after 10 minutes
and then
force us
to stand in line
for 45 minutes?
—-
the federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service.
i could lose your mail for half of that.
– pat paulsen
—
credits: many thanks to my boyfriend, marc for sharing the ironies in life with me.
Jan15
fame is a series of misunderstandings surrounding a name. – joni mitchell
i’ve been wondering.
were
greenland and iceland
somehow
mixed up in the naming process?
was the paperwork confusing?
did no one
catch the error until it was too late?
did someone
not have their glasses on?
was there a translation issue?
why did they not fix it ?
my theory is
that it would have been
too expensive and too much bother
to change all of the logos on the cocktail napkins
once they had already been printed.
*******
image credits: dailyenglish.in.th
Jan4
“get a bicycle. you will certainly not regret it, if you live.” ~ mark twain
i was
so excited
to buy
my brand new
townie bike
it was
cream-colored
and fancy
and
i imagined myself
riding on a beautiful sunny day
into town
carrying spring flowers in my basket
looking at all the sights
along the way
waving to neighbors
i named it
‘white lightning’
because
of it’s beautiful color
and
because
i would ride fast on it
with the
wind at my back
i rode it out of the store
and
because
i’d been in spin class
for a while
and
feeling free
and confident
i took off like a rocket
into the parking lot
and quickly
lost control
and
slammed into
my daughter’s shopping cart
i’d forgotten about
the
‘balance factor’
and
we laid in the parking lot
laughing our
baskets off
as
people walked by
probably
thinking we were drunk
in the middle of the day
but we knew
it was only
the beginning
of
many
bike adventures
to come.
—–
image credits: schwinn.com, flikr.com
