Category Archives: humor

one doesn’t have a sense of humor. it has you. – larry gelbart

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when i went

to pick out the carpeting

for my bedroom

up in the cozy loft

of the cottage

the woman

helping me

asked

all of

the relevant questions

including

‘is it a high traffic area?’

i looked her in the eye

and

just couldn’t help myself

when i answered

‘well, i am single and it is my bedroom, so wouldn’t that be funny if i said yes?’

she stopped for a minute

looked back at me

with a confused expression

and checked something off on her paper

i’d love to see her notes

—-

it is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use,

from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

– thomas aquinas

if everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane. ~ author unknown

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my dear friend carol

who is always full of surprises

has had a demolition derby car named after her

i think that is perfect

and a fine honor, indeed.

not my first rodeo?

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by far

my favorite question

when

purchasing

life insurance

was

‘are you in a rodeo?’

and

 i had

to laugh out loud

for

i’m not a fan

of rodeos

 i feel for the animals

and have no desire

to be

thrown from anything

to rope anything

to be around clowns

in any capacity

i must

look like

a

rodeo gal.

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there are worse things in life than death.

have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

– woody allen

image credit: mycomic.com

stat!!!

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image credit: grammarly

“if we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” ― robert frost

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10527670_781783088509436_8722114083465655258_nmy friend

 kind

 funny

 energetic

and

mother of

five wonderful

small children

including

a set of twins

posted this picture

today

along with this message:

“Yep, So, this just happened. Another adventure for the M family!! So much for the other chores that have been piling up.  I got this beautiful heart from my scout troop as a thank you at the end of this year. I had it on a shelf above the toilet. I think a cat knocked it off and into the toilet. I guess the heart is made of concrete, because it is completely unscathed . The toilet on the other hand….” – n.m.

i have to admit

i laughed until i cried

when i saw this

 she was okay with that

 i’m so happy

to know her

and

i blame

the girl scouts

—-

“i love people who make me laugh. i honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh.

it cures a multitude of ills. it’s probably the most important thing in a person.” 

― audrey hepburn

 

 

 

egotism – usually just a case of mistaken nonentity. – barbara stanwyck

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my name is up in lights

and alas, it tis’nt me

borders no longer

and

dog’s not my partner

but oh, what fun to see

such a name upon

the marquis.

i’ll never be mistaken for pat boone.
sal mineo

good news! i have a plan for my senior years – red wine. and lots of it. thank you science.

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Red wine compound improves memory

The antioxidant resveratrol, most often associated with red wine, improves memory and brain function in elderly people, though it is also found in peanuts, chocolate, and other fruits in addition to grapes. It has been linked to better heart health, anti-aging effects and even (in limited laboratory studies) cancer-fighting properties. A study published this month in the Journal of Neuroscience has released the first evidence that resveratrol improves memory and brain function in elderly people.

The improvement in memory occurred in parallel with an improvement in glucose metabolism—the way the body breaks down sugar. Researchers compared 46 people between 50 and 75 years old, who were given either a resveratrol supplement or a placebo pill for 26 weeks. Before and after the 26-week intervention, they tested the participants’ memory (by measuring their recollection of words they had been told 30 minutes earlier) and used brain imaging to measure the size and connectivity of a brain area called the hippocampus, which is critical for our ability to form memories. They also did blood tests to measure participants’ metabolism and markers of inflammation. The participants who took resveratrol lost body fat, showed an improvement in glucose control (poor glucose control is linked to type 2 diabetes), and scored better on the memory test compared to participants who were given a placebo.

Brain imaging also revealed that the connectivity between memory centers in their brains (hippocampus and frontal cortex) had increased. This trial is small and preliminary, but its results are promising—resveratrol might represent a new strategy to prevent brain aging.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

~Doug Larson

credits:  emilie croisier, intelligent optimist magazine

(Source: Journal of Neuroscience June 2014, doi: 10.1523/JNEUROSCI.0385-14.2014, Pubmed)

 http://theoptimist.com/red-wine-compound-improves-memory/#!30z39

unhappy feet.

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nationalgeographic.com

the more injuries you get, the smarter you get.
mikhail baryshnikov

yes, it’s a sports injury.

no, i was not

playing in a world cup match

representing the u.s.a.

i was

walking in the house

while singing bohemian rhapsody.

with gusto.

opera style.

a door jumped in my way.

out of nowhere.

now my baby toe is broken.

and feels a little jacked up.

i must be a genius by now.

image credit: nationalgeographic.omc

it’s clever, but is it art? – rudyard kipling

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cake

my desire to bake began when i was just a little girl.

i was beside myself with joy when santa brought me an easy bake oven on my 6th christmas.

i imagined myself cranking out pies and cookies and cakes and cupcakes.

and making my first fortune.

i’d set up my bakery along with my lemonade stand.

and people would flock to my store.

and i would spend my days baking and going to first grade.

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finally came the moment

when i whipped up my first cake.

put it in the oven.

realized it was cooked by a light bulb.

and would take a while.

and everything was miniature.

and each cake would serve a small mouse or two.

and i had no way to buy more mixes to bake with.

and it was a dream i’d have to wait on.

years passed.

and i grew up and continued baking.

using a trial and error method.

and i especially loved to make cupcakes for people.

for any and all occasions.

the brits call them fairy cakes.

and that is the perfect name for them.

you love mexican chili chocolate?

coconut lemon cream?

caramel and pecan?

no problem, i can do that.

i wanted them to be pieces of art.

with flavors, and colors, and designs, and surprises.

all wrapped in pretty little papers.

but they didn’t always look that way.

so.

i decided to take a six week cake decorating class.

i signed up and bought all of my supplies.

 tips, turntables, icing knives, pastry bags, pans, colors and flower pins.

and went to my first class.

taught by a seasoned cake decorator.

my classmates –

were a mother and angsty daughter who had never decorated before.

and three teenage employees of the local ice cream store.

i figured i could hold my own with this group.

homework assignments

were to bake cakes and cupcakes and bring them in to decorate.

my kind of  homework!

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and i imagined myself doing this.

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and this.

but –

once we started mixing the frostings, the icings, the colors

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my area actually looked more like this.

i had color all over the place, under my nails, in my cuticles, it dyed my hands and arms and my frosting got too warm and didn’t mix to the right consistency and i had a hard time filling the pastry bag without it getting all over and had to bite the tip off of it as i lost my scissors somewhere in the fray and i had to change tips to make flowers and edgings and all kinds of things and my book was covered in color and was wet and i clogged the class sink when i had to scrape off my buttercream frosting and start over a few times or so.

and somehow, the mother daughter team excelled.

and were naturals, working in sync like a precision ice dancing team.

and the baby teens perfectly piped their cakes, with nary a misstep.

and i wondered how they did it.

and i noticed the ice dancers preloaded their pastry bags at home.

using the colors they wanted, with the tips they needed, and closed off the ends.

and the teens just chose simple designs and one color and one consistency.

aha! that’s it!

but, as the weeks went on,

i never really got better at the process.

luckily our teacher was very kind and diplomatic.

and she liked my ‘shabby chic by accident’ and ‘evil clown’ style cupcakes.

and we all bonded in our mutual creative endeavor.

and shared stories and laughed a lot.

and i accepted that each week i would leave with a different color of skin.

and when we all made our final cakes for graduation day.

 the mom and daughter and teens all had beautiful cakes.

and when my teacher saw my final cake

(at the top of this post)

she said she had never seen a sheep and dachshund and polka dot cake before.

and it looked like a wonderful piece of art.

and she wanted a picture of it to keep in her book.

to show future classes.

and i was a happy baker.

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 Stories aren’t the icing on the cake; they are the cake!

Peter Guber

balls: world cup day one.

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10462432_648248928577162_1859792449697730735_o-2it’s world cup time and team oz is ready.

these guys seem pretty unruffled.

and who needs shorts down under?

best of luck to team u.s.a.

let the games begin!

I say if you’re going to take a chance on something, you just go full balls to the wall.
Toby Keith

image credit: the kangaroo sanctuary Alice Springs