Tag Archives: humor

Aug6

w.e.a.m.

Posted on August 6, 2022 by beth

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found on the car parked next to me

close call

appreciate the warning

will keep a safe distance

—

“never stay on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down to the green valleys of silliness.”

-ludwig wittgenstein

Jul31

strawberry shampoo does not taste as good as it smells.

Posted on July 31, 2022 by beth

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i had asked my daughter

to pick out a nice shampoo and conditioner for me

was excited to get these

loved reading the labels

here are just some of the words/phrases on the packaging:

Resurrection

For weak, brittle hair that needs an intervention!

Damage Level – 3

Micro shields boost strength and stamina

Great results may cause your hair’s ego to inflate to astronomical proportions.

what?! ‘damage level -3’?!

i love the descriptors

who could resist even one of these?

and also there is so much little writing on the label

the shampoo and conditioner bottles look exactly the same

once i’m in the shower i have no idea which is which

and i always forget to look before i get in

and i’m not getting out to get my glasses on

so i have a 50/50 chance of getting it right, a roll of the dice

and sometimes i lose

this is what i call an ‘x-treme’ hair care experience.

—

“sorry I can’t hear you over the volume of my hair.”

-author unknown

Jul26

glitter not bitter.

Posted on July 26, 2022 by beth

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remove glitter with play dough!

—

i have been told, more than once, but less than a million times

that people in my presence

inexplicably end up with glitter

stuck to them or on their food or in unexpectedly odd places

or see traces of it stuck to my face or hair or feet

while it is true that i do enjoy a great love

of the sparkling wonder that is glitter

i know there are those of you

who may need an easy way

to rid yourself, or your things, or your cake, or your abode

of all that remains

i have a fine gift for you

an easy and magical method to clean it up

you are welcome.

—

clearing up glitter can be tough. it turns out that there’s one easy way to get rid of those sparkles that spread everywhere. just grab some play dough and press it over the affected areas. that’s pretty much it.

—

“she who leaves a trail of glitter will never be forgotten.”

-some wise person

Jul18

a look.

Posted on July 18, 2022 by beth

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the description: “Ever wish you could just wrap yourself in a plush blanket scarf and pronounce it a look? Well, hello! This pale grey top is crafted with shawl-like wrap styling and features pleats at the shoulder and a crisscross bottom. But unlike your winter scarf, the lavishly soft piece has full-length sleeves.”

my reality:

i do love how comfortable and cozy

this ‘plush blanket scarf’ looks

yet

i wonder

if i can master

(the shawl, wrap, pleats, crisscross features)

and put it on

without getting all tangled up in it

which would not be

a good look

or quite as comfortable.